I went to the dentist yesterday

Not to fix a dental problem

Routine planned maintenance with the hygienist 

Stacey is a very pleasant young lady

We started by chatting about our respective families

As she positioned me horizontal in the chair

I lost all sight of her pretty face

When she switched on her miner’s cyclopes bright light

I closed my eyes and surrendered 

My mouth was soon filled with suction tubes, mirrors on sticks and a super strong power washer 

The equipment made a lot of noise

Far too much to hold a conversation

But we had one anyway, throughout the whole procedure:

Stacey: did you have family visiting over the summer?

Me:  ug ger ga ga ker grah

Stacey: where did you take them?

Me: ugh gee ent to gag goo ged gra gee gan gace

Stacey: their pita bread is delicious, we love the mezza there

Me: gee guv kit coo

Stacey: how old is your grandson?

Me: gee gill ge gelve goon

Stacey: oh twelve is that funny age where they start to change into a teenager

Me: ges gee gi ga git goody

Stacey: where did you go on vacation this year?

Me: ge gen koo ahh gan gan goo geng gan

Stacey: did you see the northern lights in Iceland?

Me: go gi gas goo gla gee gut ge gaw got gata gawl

Stacey: oh those beautiful waterfalls, I saw your the photos on FaceBook

Me: ugh goan goo ga guc, ga gaw guh gy ge gife

Stacey: oh yes she is your social media queen, I am almost finished now, just one last rinse

I felt ice cold water gushing into my mouth like a fire house

My teeth don’t like extreme temperatures

The pain was instant

I closed my eyes tighter

Praying it would end soon

Stacey:  how are you doing?

Me: ga gow gawgu gake gy gee gaw

Stacey:  thats normal but it will all be done soon

The fire hose was turned off

The suction tube drained my mouth and half my internal organs

My teeth stopped screaming at me

She finished off with a rotating brush and gritty toothpaste

Then it was all over

A final mouthwash rinse and I was able to talk human again

Stacey: see you in six months, have a great winter

Me: you too, it was good to catch up

Soon I was back outside and walking towards my car

Making resolutions to floss daily 

So that Stacey has less need to power wash my molars

I decided to weigh myself when I got home

I must surely have lost pounds in plaque