Category: stuff

Things I would like to un-invent

Ian Hunter1 Comment

Leaf blowers create unnecessary noise pollution

Shattering peaceful mornings

Give that lazy landscaper a broom

Leave that leaf be where nature put it

All 2 stroke engines are noisy

Especially those screaming motorcycles

Make all motorcycles 4 stroke or electric

Eliminate 2 stroke powered weed whackers

Use electric or manual landscaping tools

We do not need any 2 stroke engines in this world

Lets get rid of jet skis

They are a big disturbance to waterfront dwellers

Unwanted noise and unwelcome wake would disappear instantly

Nobody needs to travel that fast over water

Another unwanted water craft is the flyboard water jet

It allows people to hover over the water

A totally useless piece of equipment

Disturbing marine wildlife in shallow waters

No more flyboards please

Lets stop using acronyms for everything

LOL BRB WTF BFF IDK IMHU

Language was never meant to be abbreviated

We should all speak and write in full clear sentences

My friend Norman went to order a coffee at Starbucks

He asked for a small coffee and was offered a tall size

He insisted he wanted a small coffee

Much to the disdain of the Starbucks barista

Starbucks coffee language should be banned

Then Norman can order a small coffee without being corrected

Single use plastics cause extensive pollution and harm to wildlife

Plastic bags, utensils, straws, cups, plates and wrapping material are the worst

These products should all be uninvented

Although plastic itself has many beneficial uses in medical devices

So I would not un-invent plastic as a material but restrict it in certain products

Whoever invented tobacco products made a huge mistake

Smoking causes serious health risks and death

Nobody needs to inhale nicotine and carcinogens

The world would be so much better without any tobacco products

I do not like the taste of brussels sprouts

In fact I hate all cruciferous vegetables

My life would have run a lot smoother if they had never been invented

No more smart Aleck brussels sprout eaters to mock my eating habits

Lets also un-invent all smart Alecks while we are at it

always losing stuff

Ian Hunter3 Comments

when its time to leave the house

I start looking for my phone

but its nowhere to be seen

I think it hides from me

I always put my car keys in a drawer

but when I am really late

they mysteriously disappear 

often found hiding in a jacket pocket

I wear glasses to read

but dare not take them off

because whenever I do

they run away and hide from me

sunglasses disappear without trace

I must have bought hundreds 

do they just grow wings and fly

I once found 7 pairs under my drivers seat 

I used to have a nice blue linen shirt

but its nowhere to be found

maybe I left it in an hotel

or at a forgotten dry cleaners

when I get an important letter

I put it somewhere safe

then much later when I desperately need it

I can’t remember where I put it

the TV remote lives on the coffee table

whenever its time to watch the game 

the little bugger has gone walkabout

It usually hides under the couch

When I get ideas for a poem

I write them down straight away

I wrote a great poem about losing  stuff

but I can’t find it now……………

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Ian HunterLeave a comment

John collected stuff all his life

He filled his garage with stuff

Parking his car in the driveway

Filling his attic with stuff

Then he stopped going up in the attic

He filled his basement with boxes of stuff

Moving the boxes around to make passageways

When he had no more room in his home for his stuff

He decided to rent a storage unit

He had unlimited visiting rights

So he could take more stuff there at any time of night or day

Somedays he would just visit and go through his boxes of stuff

Finding things he had forgotten he owned

He never threw items away or donated stuff

He could not face the prospect of selling stuff and having somebody else own it

So he kept renting bigger storage units

His storage rental cost became greater than the mortgage on his home

John spent most of his time at the storage unit

With occasional visits to his home

Eventually John passed away and his kids sold the house

His stuff all went into dumpsters

The new owner of his house looked in awe at all the storage space in the garage, attic and basement

He started to acquire lots of stuff to fill those spaces

Eventually he had to rent a storage unit just like John

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