She cared for him while he was sick

A terminal illness that got progressively worse

He fought hard right up to his last few days

Then he surrendered and let go

Telling her he was at peace

She comforted him until he passed away

Her best friend and partner had been taken away

Gone forever without her consent

She was not sure how she was supposed to feel now

She certainly was not at peace with it all

Relieved that his suffering had come to an end

Sorry that he would never be alongside her anymore

Confused that nobody could answer all her big why questions

Grateful for the support of family and friends

Sad that there were so many things left undone

Their list of places to visit together was still pinned up

Should she leave it there as a remembrance 

Asking herself if she should complete that list alone

Or should the list perish with him

She asked herself so many unanswered questions

Her pain and sorrow slowly subsided

Replaced by a numbness that felt much worse

A numbness that blocked her attempts to feel guilty

A numbness that refused to let anger creep in

She felt an emptiness inside that was cavernous 

Bigger than the emptiness left by his absence 

No words of comfort took away the numbness

There were no magic pills to make it go away

Ignoring the numbness did give some brief temporary relief

Until she thought about him or saw something to remind her of him

Then the numbness came back stronger

She never told anybody about her numbness

Afraid that it could be seen as indifference 

She tried to keep herself busy with mundane tasks

There was plenty to do in tidying up his affairs

Time seemed to have slowed down immensely for her

Long lonely days and longer sleepless nights

She did look forward to falling asleep 

Knowing that she would dream about him

He visited her in those dreams

Which felt so real and vivid

He told her in one dream that he would be with her forever

She woke up from that dream clinging to his words

Her emptiness feeling had strangely vanished

Her days were filled with happy thoughts again

Knowing that they would be together again nightly in her dreams

She had finally found peace