Hamish and Dougle were best friends

Since their first days in school in Glasgow

A couple of fine young Scotsmen

Proud of their Scottish heritage

Wearing kilts and drinking whisky daily

Employment was hard to find in Glasgow

They decided to seek their fortune in America

Stepping off the plane in New York

Walking down 5th Avenue in their kilts

They attracted a lot of attention

Had fun in the bars and  got into a few fights

Made lots of new friends

Hamish had the idea to open a Haggis restaurant

Until they discovered that Haggis was banned in the US

The FDA will not allow Haggis to be imported 

This is stupid said Dougle

Americans love Sottish whisky so why stop them eating Haggis?

Hamish had an idea

Lets find some investors and start a black market Haggis import business

We need a fund rising website declared Dougle

They founded the Scottish Haggis Investment Trust

Created the SHIT website to test the level of interest

Unfortunately their acronym turned out to be very unpopular

Virtually no hits to their website

We have to find a more catchy name said Dougle

After many single malts they agreed upon a new name for their website

Haggis On Toast Pure Original Recipes Nutritious

Their new website acronym HOT PORN got many more hits than SHIT

Soon they had lots of new friends with interests just like theirs

They raised a ton of money through crowd funding

The next step was to smuggle Haggis into the US

After a long drinking and brainstorming session

Hamish had another idea

We need to form a kilted commando squad

They started to interview potential recruits

Picking out the best four young New Yorkers who all liked to drink whisky

After a month of intense training on how to smuggle haggis from Scotland

Six kilted young men boarded a plane at JFK bound for Glasgow

They were all drunk when they got off the plane

Hamish and Dougle went through the UK resident line

See you guys on the other side said Dougle

The other four waited in the line for non-UK residents

What’s the purpose of your visit? asked the UK immigration officer

Drink Whisky and chase girls said one of the New York squad

Hamish and Dougle waited a very long time for the rest of their squad to clear immigration