Gone are the days of free for all boarding a flight
Now everybody is assigned a group boarding number
First there is pre-boarding for special non-numbered groups
Families with children, those needing special assistance and active military
First class next and then all the VIP gazillion air-miles nerds
Next to board are friends and family of the crew
And acquaintances of the staff at the gate
Quickly followed by those with emotional support animals
Finally they call group one
Scorned as elitists by the lower numbered groups
Group 1 include those having amassed more then $2M of debt with the airline’s credit card
Groups 2-9 have now formed an impenetrable mob squashed close to the boarding gate
As each boarding group number is called
The huddle around the gate gets tighter and tighter
Passengers have to elbow their way out of the mob to reach the gate
The mob gets smaller and tighter as the group numbers increase
There are occasional holdups as passengers try to sneak on out of turn
A group 5 passenger is prevented from boarding during group 3
His punishment is to be reassigned into group 9
A similar punishment is given to a group 2 passenger who tried to board in group 5
Being late is just as bad and trying to board too early
Standby passengers are called up and assigned group 9
Eventually the group 9 misfits are called up to board
By this time the overhead compartments are completely full
There are only non-reclining middle seats left near the bathrooms
Gate staff form a barrier to prevent group 9 from carrying anything at all on board
All their personal items are confiscated and deemed to be checked
Those wearing baggy clothes are forced to strip to their underwear
They are made to pay cash for checking their stuff
Boarding is concluded with the group 9 walk of shame
Everybody else is seated as each group 9 passenger slinks down the aisle
Their only possessions are a crumpled checked bag receipt and an embarrassed frown
All the other passengers stare at the group 9’s with disdain
Obviously they cannot afford to pay for assigned seating whispers a group 6
We are running late and will miss our takeoff slot due to the tardy group 9ers utters a group 3
Nobody choses to be in group 9 and its impossible to escape from it
Its the modern day equivalent of being deemed to be a witch or being tarred and feathered
Group 9ers get a life sentence of being last to board every flight they take
Cheeky Monkey Poetry 