Hamish and Dougle led their commando group into the Scottish highlands
It was difficult to keep them focussed on the mission
Billy was the ringleader of the New York squad
He was more intent on drinking whisky
And chasing every Scottish girl in sight
Things calmed down when they got to the remote highlands
The low population density meant there were less encounters with females
Also Billy eventually ran out of whisky
Billy and his comrades found it totally impossible to understand the highland accent
Hamish and Dougle had to translate everything for them
Especially when Billy attempted to buy whisky in a highland store
His request to buy a bottle of single malt
Was answered in a full blown highland accent
Whit tip ahh malt wad yer lack laddy?
Please translate that Hamish said Billy
Hamish decided it was time for the boys to sober up
She said we don’t sell whisky on Wednesdays
Billy looked disappointed and settled for a bottle of Iron Brew soda
It was time for the final briefing before the commando raid
Listen up now said Hamish we will start the raid at 6pm
That’s when all the workers have left and there is just one security guard
What exactly are we looking for? asked Billy
Dougle explained that wild Scottish haggis was hunted to near extinction
So secret hatcheries had been built to raise haggis chicks
Which were released into the wild to boost the population
The mission is to steal a dozen haggis eggs from the hatchery
Dougle and I will distract the security guard
Telling him we have an interview at the hatchery tomorrow
And that we want to learn some facts about the place
You guys will have five minutes to cut the wire fence around the back
And to steal a dozen haggis eggs
The plan worked like clockwork
They were all back at the hotel by 7pm
Billy was at the bar at 7.03pm
Hamish and Dougle kept the eggs warm with an electric blanket in their room
The next morning the squad met up for another briefing
They were each given 2 eggs to keep warm for the flight back to New York
Just put them in your underwear said Hamish
They will stay warm and undetected by security
The airport body scanners will just think you are well endowed said Hamish
Billy looked worried about the plan
When you told us we were all commandos in kilts
I thought you meant we had to go commando
So I did not bring any underwear
Hamish gave Billy a spare pair and they headed for the airport
He turned to Dougle and whispered
It will be a miracle if we get back with any eggs intact
Cheeky Monkey Poetry 