She cared for him while he was sick
A terminal illness that got progressively worse
He fought hard right up to his last few days
Then he surrendered and let go
Telling her he was at peace
She comforted him until he passed away
Her best friend and partner had been taken away
Gone forever without her consent
She was not sure how she was supposed to feel now
She certainly was not at peace with it all
Relieved that his suffering had come to an end
Sorry that he would never be alongside her anymore
Confused that nobody could answer all her big why questions
Grateful for the support of family and friends
Sad that there were so many things left undone
Their list of places to visit together was still pinned up
Should she leave it there as a remembrance
Asking herself if she should complete that list alone
Or should the list perish with him
She asked herself so many unanswered questions
Her pain and sorrow slowly subsided
Replaced by a numbness that felt much worse
A numbness that blocked her attempts to feel guilty
A numbness that refused to let anger creep in
She felt an emptiness inside that was cavernous
Bigger than the emptiness left by his absence
No words of comfort took away the numbness
There were no magic pills to make it go away
Ignoring the numbness did give some brief temporary relief
Until she thought about him or saw something to remind her of him
Then the numbness came back stronger
She never told anybody about her numbness
Afraid that it could be seen as indifference
She tried to keep herself busy with mundane tasks
There was plenty to do in tidying up his affairs
Time seemed to have slowed down immensely for her
Long lonely days and longer sleepless nights
She did look forward to falling asleep
Knowing that she would dream about him
He visited her in those dreams
Which felt so real and vivid
He told her in one dream that he would be with her forever
She woke up from that dream clinging to his words
Her emptiness feeling had strangely vanished
Her days were filled with happy thoughts again
Knowing that they would be together again nightly in her dreams
She had finally found peace