my wife and I are from different planets

different dishwashing planets

she is from planet dishwashing America

I am from planet dishwashing England

planet dishwashing England does not use much hot water at all

we fill only one bowl with hot water and add detergent

every dish and spoon gets washed there

whether its a small dinner party or 398 plates

it all goes through that solitary bowl of soapy water

which gets progressively more greasy

then it gets laid out for drying

no rinsing required at all

the dishes just lie there covered in soapy bubbles 

then they are dried using an ancient but very sentimental dishwashing towel

…………………………

planet dishwashing America has a different approach

before even starting to wash the dishes

the hot water is run for two years

just to be sure its really scalding hot

then the bowl is filled with hot water and detergent

each dish, cup or fork is washed individually

meticulously over and over until its sparkling

the hot water is kept running down the sink at full tilt

when a dish is deemed to be washed clean of grease and grime

it is held under the hot water stream for rinsing

this can take up to an hour per item

until every micro bubble of detergent is rinsed off

the bowl of soapy water is replenished every three seconds

756 million gallons of hot water later,  the planet America dishwashing is complete

everything is air dried for at least four days to be sure they are really dry

……………………………..

we take turns washing the dishes

when she washes, I put the sparking dishes away

they are always clean crisp and totally dry

I never complain or find an issue

when I wash the dishes its a different story

she has X ray sensors that can detect greasy marks from four light years away

without even looking she can condemn a whole load as unclean

………………………………………………..

its such an extraordinary talent, she has been recruited by the CIA

hunting down terrorists in far away places

they tell her to focus intensely

showing her a map of the world

describing in detail a meal enjoyed by distant bad guys

who have very bad planet terrorist dishwashing skills

she listens to the description of their meal

then she puts a pin in the map

locating their badly washed dishes

curtains for the planet terrorist dishwashers

I feel safe now

but my planet England dishes still get rewashed every time