a large flock of Canada geese flew over my house

formation flying like military jets

such gracious big airborne creatures

they filled me with awe for a brief moment

until one of them pooped all over my car

so I did some research on goose digestive systems

apparently they poop every 12 minutes

pooping out typically two pounds per day

a flock of fifty produces a hundred pounds of poop a day

worse still their poop is full of nasty bacteria and parasites

a real health hazard in an area where children play daily

these geese no longer look cute in the field next to my home

they are a federally protected species

however it is legal to harass them into leaving the area

I tried verbally abusing them but they ignored me

they did not respond to my eviction notices

I need to turn up the heat on these pests

I will shame them with long savage rambling tweets

I will give them names like Fat Bertha and Pooping Percy

I will invent stories about their corruption and criminal activities

I will incite people to rise up against these illegal immigrants

I will demand that the FBI arrest them and throw them in  jail

I will blame Canada for the problem

I will build a big tall wall on the Canadian border to stop them crossing

I will make the Canadians pay for it

Making the Field (next to my house) Great Again