Billy took Kevin down to the Adult Cough Placement Bureau

They went through a maize of corridors and unmarked doors

Eventually reaching the application for placement office

Billy explained they make it hard to find to make sure applicants are motivated

Kevin took a number and waited to be called

Just tell them you are done with being a juvenile cough

Say you must have an adult host soon or you are going to give up being a cough

Kevin figured out that you had to push these folks

His number was called and he went to the desk

At first the clerk was reluctant to give him the forms

Saying he needed more experience in juvenile coughing

Kevin did as Billy said and threatened to give up coughing

The clerk handed Kevin a bunch of forms

Lets fill them out now said Billy

He coached Kevin on what to write 

Explaining that short term cough gigs were almost impossible to get

Making sure he did not get placed with a lonely old lady

Kevin painted a false picture of himself as a rebel cough up for adventure

Somebody willing to take risks and new challenges

Billy read through his forms and grinned with approval

Kevin handed in the forms and was told to come back next week

He went back to his teenage host hoping it would be short term

Looking at how badly these adolescents behaved made him sad

They used to cute adorable kids a few years ago

Now they shitty little monsters giving their loving parents hell

Kevin was extra annoying to his teenage host all week

Soon he was back at the ACPB in the waiting room

He was called back to meet with a senior cough officer

OK Kevin I understand that you are desperate to leave the junior cough world

Its time for me to move on and I am committed to the change

Well as long as you understand this is going to be a long term placement

No more cough hopping or casual coughing

Once you sign up its no turning back

Just show me where to sign please

OK we have assigned you to a 50 yearly guy called Ralph

He is an aging hippy who chain smokes and drinks a lot

His resident cough got to retire so there is a vacancy

I’ll take it said Kevin eagerly

Before you sign you must understand that your cough ID will be changed

No longer will it say ‘mildly irritating’ it will be changed to ‘smoker’s’

Kevin took a deep breath 

Smoker’s coughs were regarded as outcasts by the cough community

The only social contacts they have are with other smoker’s coughs

So whats it going to be Kevin?