Red dress in Times Square – part 1

she wore a red dress

low cut and short

shockingly tasteful

classy but sassy 

she sat alone at the bar of the Intercontinental in Times Square

ordered a glass of champagne

putting red lipstick kisses on the rim

every eye in the room was on her

as she slowly sipped

she heard a voice beside her

Manhattan straight up please

and another champagne for the lady

she resisted looking at him

painting a picture in her mind

tall well dressed and handsome

perhaps well travelled and intellectual

she put down her empty glass

slowly turned towards him

he was indeed handsome 

thank you she said with a smile

he put out a hand

my name is Egor

she took his hand

a firm and lingering handshake she noted

she made eye contact

I am Emily 

pleased to meet you Emily he replied

she detected a slight Russian accent

what brings you to New York she asked

he looked around before whispering in her ear

we can stop playing games now

I have information for the CIA

Kevin the cough – part 7 The cough mob (finale)

Billy rushed round again to find out was was going on

Not to worry Kevin, I’ll be back tomorrow when that suited cough comes back

The suit came back and served an eviction notice on Janet who was very upset

Billy followed the suit who met up with the head ACPB placement officer

They were in a coughbar and Billy managed to get within coughearshot

Did you serve all the coughpapers like I asked you?

Yes boss they both have cougheviction notices

OK but we have to get some smarter coughs in there soon

One’s that will find a way to get Ralph and Suzanne coughsmoking again

We are getting a cut of their coughtobacco spending from the coughmanufacturer

If they found out our coughs helped them quit we are in big coughtrouble

Billy went back to Kevin and told him what he just heard

Just sit tight Kevin and I will send some of the coughboys round to protect you and Janet

I will also find a way to solve those cougheviction notices

The next day a dozen coughs came round, Kevin knew them all from his schoolcoughdays

They formed a 24/7 coughsecurity perimeter around Ralph and Suzanne

Janet was relieved to see friendly coughs protecting them

Meanwhile the head of the ACPB placement team got a coughphone call

We just learned that two of your coughs persuaded their hosts to quit

I am sending round one of my guys to do a full coughaudit of the coughlist

You better cooperate with Vinnie or things will get coughugly

Vinnie came into the ACPB office the next day

You know why I am here don’t you?

Yes its because we messed up and two coughfolks quit smoking

So lets do an audit to see if there are others on that list said Vinnie

They proceeded to go through thousands of names over the next few days

Verifying ongoing cigarette sales records against each coughindividual

OK said Vinnie, It would appear that 17 folks should have dropped off the coughlist

You are going to pay back fifty times the annual coughkickback you get for all those 

Remember the coughdeal we have, you place mild coughs in every smoker to stop them coughquitting

We sell more cigarettes and you get a coughcut…. WIN-COUGH-WIN

But if you put stupid coughs in smokers who then quit you gotta pay a big coughpenalty 

I’ll be back tomorrow at noon to pick up the coughcash

Vinnie left and the ACPB guy started making coughphone calls to raise the coughcash

He knew he had to pay otherwise Vinnie could get coughviolent

Plus he wanted to keep those coughbribes coming in to finance his own coughaddiction habit

The next day Vinnie showed up looking for the coughmoney

The ACPB guy and his corrupt crew were all there waiting

Vinnie growled you got the coughmoney? and the ACPB guy opened a coughbag of coughnotes

Just then the door burst open and a COUGHSWAT team rushed in coughweapons drawn

NOBODY MOVE THIS IS THE COUGH B I !!! YOU ARE ALL UNDER COUGHARREST!!!!

They were all coughcuffed except Vinnie who opened his coughjacket to show a coughwire

The Cough B I boss smiled at Vinnie and said well done Billy!

There was a purge of all coughcorrupt coughofficers in the ACPB 

Kevin and Janet got letters of coughapology from the ACPB coughPresident

All the delinquent smoker’s coughs we either coughretrained or coughreplaced

Baby cough had seven coughbrothers and coughsisters

Janet gave lectures and did the coughtalk-show rounds on coughparenting

Ralph and Suzanne opened a non-smoking bar called the COUGHBGONE serving coughtails

Billy formed the smoker’s coughunion and gave seminars to coughs on how to help your host quit

Kevin was awarded the NOBEL COUGH PRIZE

Abi takes her morning walk – Part 2

come Abi sit down said the old lady pointing to a tress stump next to her

Abi sat down  and asked  who are you

the old lady smiled and said my name Gail is and I see you walking near here every day

I told my cat to bring you here this morning

Abi had a strange feeling that she knew Gail

who was very well dressed and surprisingly clean looking

despite apparently living like a hermit 

thats quite an intelligent cat you have there said Abi

oh she understands everything we say 

she tells me everything thats going on around here

Abi looked at the cat who was now purring on Gail’s lap

Gail told Abi that the cat can hear our thoughts also

I know you are doubting so lets do a demonstration said Gail

I want to you think of an object a color and a number

just repeat those three words in your head please

Abi went along with the party trick

the cat purred more and Gail listened with closed eyes

she tells me its a black car with the number eleven

Abi was amazed but still skeptical and asked for another try

this time let me just think of something random

she though about todays headline news and her breakfast 

the cat purred more as Gail listened

you ate eggs for breakfast while listening to the news about an earthquake 

and you are now even more curious what this is all about

Abi felt this whole experience was surreal

an old lady living in the woods with a mind reading cat

I suppose you know all about my life then said Abi

has the cat been watching me at home

the cat purred more as Gail shed a tear and said

you live alone and you are often sad since your husband died

you have found a new love but you are afraid of commitment

his name is Andrew and he will ask you to marry him after dinner this evening