I visit my fridge many times during the day

In the morning she blinks a good morning to me as I open the door

She wakes up and offers me breakfast

Usually yogurt and fresh fruit

I thank her for breakfast and close her door

She naps when her door is closed

Come mid morning I am feeling peckish

I open her door and ask what she has to offer

She suggests I eat some raw vegetables

Come lunchtime I visit the fridge again

She tells me to watch my calorie intake

Suggests a salad for lunch

I am hungry again by mid afternoon and revisit my fridge

I tell her I want those leftovers from the restaurant meal

We have a long chat about my snacking habits

She tells me to drink two glasses of water and no more snacking

I follow her advice and reluctantly close the door

Half an hour later I open the door again

She tells me to stay busy instead of eating

Points out that she needs a good cleanup

I get busy and throw away stuff that is getting old plus the leftovers

She sighs with contentment as I wash down her shelves

Then she tells me to close her door and go for a walk

I wander around the town and bump into some friends

We go to a happy hour and have a few drinks

Then we get hungry and order food

The happy our ends but we stay until late

We order more food and drinks

I get back home and open the fridge door

She shakes her head when she sees yet another bag of leftovers

Tells me I should not eat out so often and instead eat her healthy food at home

I am tired of her lecturing and ignore her

I throw in the leftovers and slam the door shut

I tell her to shut and leave me alone

I put on the TV then promptly fall asleep

Its late when I wake up in front of the TV

I am hungry and go searching for leftovers

The fridge door will not open at all

She refuses to unlock it until I apologize for being rude

I am too hungry to stand there arguing and offer my apologies

She unlocks the door and we have a long chat

I get a stern lecture on healthy eating while holding the door open

I nod in fake agreement that I am finished eating for today

Then I make a grab for the leftovers before she closes the door

Eating cold pizza at 2am is my reward

It tastes so good

The next day I wake up late and wander into the kitchen

Half expecting the fridge door to be locked again

It opens easily but I can sense something is wrong with her

Everything is defrosted and warm and all the food inside is ruined

I demand an explanation from the fridge

She tells me to calm down and listen to her

Pointing out that she turned herself off to deliberately destroy the contents

As a last desperate measure to stop me from over eating junk food

She asks me to go shopping and just buy healthy food to restock

Promises to keep it fresh if I promise to stick to my diet

I calm down and agree with her completely

I shake her handle to seal the deal

Then I empty all the rotting food

She switches herself back on again

She sighs with relief when I wipe down her shelves

I go to Whole Foods and pick up a ton of healthy foods

They take my whole paycheck at the checkout

My fridge smiles when I restock her

We become best friends again 

My desire to snack gets stronger every day

But I do not want to let her down

I figure out a way to keep her happy

I buy a second fridge and put her in the garage

She looks so cute in there alongside my tools

Stocked with beer and unhealthy treats

My garage fridge loves to party with me

While my kitchen fridge thinks I am sticking to my diet

I visit the garage fridge often late at night

We drink beer together and chat endlessly about nothing

She watches TV with me and offers me snacks

She squeezes my hand when I touch her door handle

We become very close

Life is great again for me and for both my fridges

It all comes undone after a month or so

I open the kitchen fridge asking her for salad to make my lunch

She blinks her light slowly and then starts to cry

I ask her what is bothering her and she sobs

You are cheating on me with that floozy in the garage