Tag: pain

celebrating being in the race with a cup of tea

Ian Hunter1 Comment

I am awake early with an intense headache

incredible painful head splitting pressure

is this all a dream I wonder

I pinch myself to confirm being awake

the headache is still there

desperately seeking an answer to this sudden onslaught

It could not be a hangover

no recollection of any recent head trauma

I felt for bumps on my head but nothing unusual

maybe a change of environment might help

sitting on the edge of the bed- no change

standing up-no change

opening and closing my eyes- no change

moving from light to darkness- no change

I go for a pee- no change

the pain is still intense

I am starting to get anxious

this must be a serious medical condition

am I having a stroke

I look in the mirror and smile- no face droop

closing my eyes and raising both arms horizontal- no issues

talking to myself in the mirror- no gibberish

the pain is still intense

I reach for the pain releiving medication

I down a couple and hold my breath

hoping for instant reduction in the pain

nothing changed

desperately seeking answers

am I being punished for all my sins

is it a sign of impending death

are all my affairs in order

should I get dressed and look presentable

should I say goodbye to all my family and friends

will I live long enough to speak to them all

perhaps a group text would be more efficient

what should I say to them all

will it make them sad

how stupid I will look if I don’t die seconds after sending that message

suddenly the pressure is dropping very slightly

perhaps the medication is working

or maybe death is approaching fast

I lay down and decide to take deep slow breaths

accepting my fate with dignity

with each breath the pain subsides a little more

a few minutes later it is gone completely

relief washing away most of my anxiety

no longer seeking a reason or a cure

waves of gratitude flowing over me

I have been spared death, at least for the next few moments

what shall I do today to reward myself

will I still feel this gratitude for the rest of my life

or will it all fade away like the memory of a dream

best write it all down immediately

read it daily to remind myself how precious life is

time to celebrate with a cup of tea

I am still in the race

the human race that is, at least for the moment

Thanks Mr Wind

Ian Hunter1 Comment

I rode into the wind

Heart racing

Head down and pushing hard

Legs aching

Checking the computer

5 miles in

The wind blew harder

Head down lower

In the paceline

Clipped into pedals

Pulling up and pushing down

Legs complaining

Ignore the pain

Focus on speed

Checking the computer

10 miles in

Leading the paceline

But speed is dropping

Head down lower

Can hardly see the road

Push hard downstroke

Pull hard upstroke

Heart rate increases

Speed slightly up

This is supposed to be fun

Checking the computer

15 miles in

Still battling the headwind

Open fields offer no shelter

Mr Wind spots us easily

Rushes towards us relentlessly

I try my best to hide

At the back of the paceline

Checking the computer

20 miles in

Rest stop approaching

Take a welcome break

Hydrate and eat some carbs

Short rest and back on the bike

Homeward with a tailwind

Leading the pack again

Speed magically increases

This is worth the effort

Riding with head up

Taking in the scenery

Breathing the Eastern shore air

Not breathing near chicken farms

Checking the computer

25 miles in

Eagles fly overhead

Old men in lycra fly below on bikes

The wind blows harder

We pick up more speed

Sailing home gracefully

Checking the computer

30 miles in

Legs stopped complaining

Heart rate up but steady

We break formation to chat

Friendly banter as we fly

Time to split up

Riding final leg solo

Drop the pace slightly

Cooling down phase

Arrive home

37 miles in

Exhilarating ride

Thank you Mr Wind

I have lived inside two stars

Ian HunterLeave a comment

I remember so well our first date

There was a twinkle in your eye

Sparks crackled with our first kiss

One of them set my heart alight

A warm steady glow at first

Flames began to flicker

Soon my heart was an inferno

An everlasting burning deep love

Fueled by your happy smile

Your touch caused those flames to explode

You told me your heart was ablaze too

Together we formed two bright celestial binary stars

We rode that energy with abandon

Nothing else really mattered

Our love was powered by nuclear fusion

It was going to last forever

It did so for decades

Suddenly your fire for me was extinguished 

It was glowing for somebody else

My flames kept burning

Resisting all your attempts to snuff them out

Burning bright even after you left

Fueled by hope that you would someday return

When I ran out of hope fuel

I poured gallons of desperation on my glowing heart

Unfortunately desperation is not combustable

The glow went dimmer and dimmer

My burning star joy replaced by intense agonizing pain

It was unbearable when my fire went completely cold

I feared it would never burn again

Slowly my pain became almost tolerable

Subsiding to dull ache for most of the time

Memories would cause that pain to intensify like a stabbing knife wound

Reminding me of what my life used to be

Punishing me for something that was not of my doing

Eventually I found a cure for my pain and suffering 

I had to let go of you completely

Sever the ties of our dead binary stars

Then suddenly all the pain was gone

Replaced by a calming emptiness

It was my way of grieving for a death

Although you were still alive and walking around

You were not the same person who once stoked my flames

That was a different you back then

I grieved for a while as I gazed at other galaxies

I was finally in control of my life again

Knowing that you could no longer trick my wounded heart

Your fake smile emitted no sparks for me

You last parting limp hug felt stone cold 

I looked into the night sky checking out the constellations

Just a black hole were our stars once burned bright

It was time for me to take a journey through the universe

A bumpy ride fighting off many alien invaders

Then I spotted an interesting star in the distance

Glowing brighter when I approached

I wasted no time flying right into her heart

Mine was on fire the first time I kissed her

This binary star will burn bright eternally