Tag: health

celebrating being in the race with a cup of tea

Ian Hunter1 Comment

I am awake early with an intense headache

incredible painful head splitting pressure

is this all a dream I wonder

I pinch myself to confirm being awake

the headache is still there

desperately seeking an answer to this sudden onslaught

It could not be a hangover

no recollection of any recent head trauma

I felt for bumps on my head but nothing unusual

maybe a change of environment might help

sitting on the edge of the bed- no change

standing up-no change

opening and closing my eyes- no change

moving from light to darkness- no change

I go for a pee- no change

the pain is still intense

I am starting to get anxious

this must be a serious medical condition

am I having a stroke

I look in the mirror and smile- no face droop

closing my eyes and raising both arms horizontal- no issues

talking to myself in the mirror- no gibberish

the pain is still intense

I reach for the pain releiving medication

I down a couple and hold my breath

hoping for instant reduction in the pain

nothing changed

desperately seeking answers

am I being punished for all my sins

is it a sign of impending death

are all my affairs in order

should I get dressed and look presentable

should I say goodbye to all my family and friends

will I live long enough to speak to them all

perhaps a group text would be more efficient

what should I say to them all

will it make them sad

how stupid I will look if I don’t die seconds after sending that message

suddenly the pressure is dropping very slightly

perhaps the medication is working

or maybe death is approaching fast

I lay down and decide to take deep slow breaths

accepting my fate with dignity

with each breath the pain subsides a little more

a few minutes later it is gone completely

relief washing away most of my anxiety

no longer seeking a reason or a cure

waves of gratitude flowing over me

I have been spared death, at least for the next few moments

what shall I do today to reward myself

will I still feel this gratitude for the rest of my life

or will it all fade away like the memory of a dream

best write it all down immediately

read it daily to remind myself how precious life is

time to celebrate with a cup of tea

I am still in the race

the human race that is, at least for the moment

What is your sole purpose in life? – A story inspired by our guest author Tick Huzzah

Ian Hunter1 Comment

Before humans evolved, the earth was mostly covered in vegetation

Plant life had reached a plateau of evolution so plants started to investigate ways to farm other lifeforms

Plants got together and brainstormed ideas for evolving further

They elected leaders and formed a system of governance

Plant evolutionary committees developed plans and made recommendations

The elected plant president reviewed the plans and made policy decisions

The first step was for plants to provide targeted food and shelter to insects that helped pollinate and disperse seeds to generate more prolific plant life

So plants started to farm insects for their own benefit

Later they reached another evolutionary plateau which needed a massive jump to make plants grow faster and more widespread

The plant president recognized the potential for farming humans

He saw their capabilities to cultivate the land and create more space for planting

He oversaw the research and development of new plants suitable for human consumption

Plants then provided nutritious food for humans to help their brains develop further

The plant president knew that humans need to work and to play

So he implemented policies that would create plant species for human recreational drugs

Hops were developed so that humans could make beer and get drunk

Cannabis plants provided drugs for humans to get high

Despite being drunk and high for most of their waking moments, humans learned to mechanize and industrialize the growing of plants

Plants noticed that humans liked to play sports, especially on grass

Plants also acquired a love of spectating these sports so they developed special grasses

Plants now have the best views at Wimbledon, at every golf Masters and all soccer stadiums

Sport thrives because of perfect playing surfaces and plants get to see it all for free

Human populations grew but they became vulnerable to sickness and diseases

Pandemics wiped out huge sections of human population

One day the chief scientific plant asked to see the plant president

He urged the president to undertake research to improve the health of their farmed humans

Plants were specifically developed to provide medicine for humans

Human health improved and they were able to grow vast quantities of plants all over the planet

Plants allow their farmed humans to live for around 70 years or so

Expired humans are either buried to create plant compost or burned to make plant fertilizer

Plants allowed humans to falsely claim they had invented agriculture to farm plants

Humans like to feel that they are in control of their own destiny, even if its not true

Plants recognize that at some point,  the earth will no longer be able to sustain human life

This might be through human induced climate change and global warming

Or it could be from a natural disaster like a huge meteor strike

It may even be through the human stupidity of mutual destruction in a global nuclear war

In every case,  plants will survive all such disasters

Their human farming experiment will one day come to an end

Plants will regroup and find some other species to farm

So next time you look at a field in the countryside

Don’t be fooled into thinking that humans are farming that field

Remember that you are just a simple farmed animal

You sole purpose in life is to help plants grow

I want to be a dictator

Ian Hunter2 Comments

I am seriously considering becoming a dictator

Not the autocratic leader of a nation kind

Having my spoken words put directly into writing kind of dictator

That will eliminate the tedious task of typing

Which I have never been any good at

Despite being welded to a keyboard for many decades

I have never mastered multi finger key stokes

Hunting and pecking with just two fingers

Always the index finger on my left hand

But my right hand uses my middle finger

I have never noticed that until now

There must be an explanation for it

Even more weird is that I use the side of my middle finger

As my right index finger points towards the screen

Reminds me of a china cup afternoon tea drinker

With their pinky finger delicately pointing skyward

I hope that my middle finger keystroke is not deemed to be rude typing

If it is then my left hand pleads not guilty

My right hand will reluctantly go to jail in disgrace

Anyway back to being a dictator

It will be so much faster to use speech to text software

I will be able to focus on the screen as the words pop up

Unlike now where I look mostly at the keyboard

Occasionally looking up to see the numerous spelling errors

Mostly due to my fat right middle finger pressing the wrong key

Perhaps dictating is not the right way to go though

Much better to enjoy the silence of writing

Than listen to my own voice babbling on and on

I am sure it would annoy everybody in listening range

I am hoping that AI will invent a device to read minds

Then I could plug one in and point it to my shiny head

Watch my random thoughts appear on the screen in prose

Lets go one step further where everybody gets a thought reader

With an added adaptor for thought transmission

Then you will receive my daily writing directly into your head as a thought

You can even leave thought comments on a virtual Cheeky Monkey page

Which you never have to log onto because you will just think about it

No need to have a computer or keyboard at all in the future

AI will become so advanced that it will be able to predict my thoughts

My writing will continue well after I am dead thanks to AI taking over

It will be ever so easy to authenticate it as my writing 

You will spot the AI generated moddle fonger spelling mostakes

Poached eggs, Flu , Angels and Divorce

Ian HunterLeave a comment

when I was young we had set meals at home

fish on Fridays

Sunday lunch roasts

sausage and mash Mondays

Tuesday soups

I cannot remember the other bland meal days

there was only one way to break the monotony 

…………………..get sick

not life threatening sick, just a cold or flu would suffice

for anybody sick was allowed to pick their own comfort food

I chose poached eggs on toast

my mother prepared them exactly as I liked

white bread toasted medium and warm

butter spread to the edges

eggs gently poached with a runny yolk

lightly seasoned with salt and pepper

I would cut open the poached egg

watching the glorious yellow liquid yoke 

running all over the toast

like lava flowing from an erupting volcano

then I would slice the white into chunks

each bite was so memorable

firm crunchy toast softened by creamy melted butter

liquid yolk and melting butter making out like teenagers

while dancing together wildly to rock music 

chunks of egg white flopped motionless on top

like lily white virgin sunbathers on a packed beach

all the flavors popped with each bite

a veritable party in your mouth

it made me want to linger in my sickbed

just to get another comfort meal

after growing up and getting married

I still expected comfort food when sick

my wife did her best to oblige

but the toast was overdone and cold

the butter never made it to the edge

the seasoning was oh so wrong

and the egg yolk was harder than concrete

it just sat in the middle of the toast in a protest demonstration 

refusing to be spread to the edges 

I prayed for a police intervention to remove it

but the poached egg yolk quality control cops never showed

I said thank you to my wife while forcing it down with a fake smile 

I got better very quickly indeed

we eventually got divorced

the lawyers cited her lack of poached egg skills

the judge nodded with disdain

my mother is in heaven now serving perfect poached eggs on toast every day

thats why we hardly ever see angels down here