Hamish and Dougle led their commando group into the Scottish highlands

It was difficult to keep them focussed on the mission

Billy was the ringleader of the New York squad

He was more intent on drinking whisky

And chasing every Scottish girl in sight

Things calmed down when they got to the remote highlands

The low population density meant there were less encounters with females

Also Billy eventually ran out of whisky

Billy and his comrades  found it totally impossible to understand the highland accent

Hamish and Dougle had to translate everything for them

Especially when Billy attempted to buy whisky in a highland store

His request to buy a bottle of single malt

Was answered in a full blown highland accent

Whit tip ahh malt wad yer lack laddy?

Please translate that Hamish said Billy

Hamish decided it was time for the boys to sober up

She said we don’t sell whisky on Wednesdays

Billy looked disappointed and settled for a bottle of Iron Brew soda

It was time for the final briefing before the commando raid

Listen up now said Hamish we will start the raid at 6pm

That’s when all the workers have left and there is just one security guard

What exactly are we looking for? asked Billy

Dougle explained that wild Scottish haggis was hunted to near extinction

So secret hatcheries had been built to raise haggis chicks

Which were released into the wild to boost the population

The mission is to steal a dozen haggis eggs from the hatchery

Dougle and I will distract the security guard

Telling him we have an interview at the hatchery tomorrow

And that we want to learn some facts about the place

You guys will have five minutes to cut the wire fence around the back

And to steal a dozen haggis eggs

The plan worked like clockwork

They were all back at the hotel by 7pm

Billy was at the bar at 7.03pm

Hamish and Dougle kept the eggs warm with an electric blanket in their room 

The next morning the squad met up for another briefing

They were each given 2 eggs to keep warm for the flight back to New York

Just put them in your underwear said Hamish

They will stay warm and undetected by security

The airport body scanners will just think you are well endowed said Hamish

Billy looked worried about the plan 

When you told us we were all commandos in kilts

I thought you meant we had to go commando 

So I did not bring any underwear

Hamish gave Billy a spare pair and they headed for the airport

He turned to Dougle and whispered

It will be a miracle if we get back with any eggs intact