my name is Gerry and I am a crow 

we are members of the corvid family

my cousins are ravens jays and magpies 

us crows are very intelligent birds

smarter than some primates

probably smarter than a lot of humans

if you see us all falling about laughing

its probably over the dumb antics of a human 

we do get a bad rap from other birds

I admit that we occasionally steal their eggs 

but they always lay plenty more

to be sure their own species survives

crows are despised by humans

they use our name to insult women

we crows are much more civilized

I married Dahlia three years ago

I would never stoop so low to call her an old human

we are a devoted couple and will stay together for life

unlike other birds who are polygamous

you will never see a crow at a bird swapping party

why do so many humans cheat on their partners

no wonder almost half human marriages end in divorce

we crows are civilized and live together in a family group

our sentries keep a lookout for owls and hawks

humans call a group of crows a murder

another example of how rude they can be

we crows use tools to get food

dropping hard shells onto rocks for example

some humans cannot even open a can of beans

humans are so wasteful with their food

we know how to open trashcans to get their leftovers

our ancestors were persecuted by humans

they tried to shoot us all to extinction

crows would never participate in such ethnic cleansing

we got smart and moved to the cities and suburbs

nobody shoots crows in urban areas

we often witness humans shooting each other though