Category: mental state

first responders and nurses

Ian HunterLeave a comment

its 3.45am and my mind is racing

too early to get up

too hard to go back to sleep

nobody should be awake at this hour

except first responders and nurses

my eyes will not stay closed

I slowly get accustomed to the dark

normally my hearing is not that great

but the darkness amplifies all sounds

heartbeats are a welcome reminder that I am still living

my breathing sounds like a roaring wind

the clock ticks a slow jazz drummer rhythm 

now its too bright and too noisy for sleep

I creep downstairs and make tea

hot tea tastes good but my body is awake now

my mind has stopped racing, its just numb

I look outside at the dark night

blackness is the king of this hour

heavy cloud masks the moonlight and stars

my mind slowly empties of thoughts

allowing me to talk to myself

I question who I am

why am I me and not somebody else

who put me inside this body

where will I go after my body stops working

I do not have any answers for me

I decide to stop talking to myself

leaving space for my emotions to rush in

who wants to be first

Mr. Frustration perhaps or will Mr. Angry rush in

they both hang back surprisingly

Mr. Calm enters stage left and the spotlight is on him

I take a front row seat

he tells me everything is going to be fine

just wait a while and the dawn light will come

he smiles reassuringly and then exits stage right

the curtain comes down and it all goes black again

well that show was too short and not at all enlightening

nobody should be awake at this hour

except first responders and nurses

thankfully I do not need either of them right now

I decide to go back to bed

Mirror confessions

Ian Hunter3 Comments

what do you see when you look in a mirror

the same person you saw many years ago

but you looked so different back then

are you afraid to look in a mirror these days

do you just glance quickly at your appearance

avoiding eye contact

how come we all like talking selfies

sharing and saving them

but we try and avoid the mirror

of course you can alter your selfies

make your skin tone look good

but there is no post processing in a mirror

what you see is what you get

no flattery or lies, its all you just as you are

its easier for guys to avoid mirrors

well at least those who do not wear makeup

I only look in the mirror to shave in the morning

my gaze firmly fixed on my stubble

not wanting to bump into

that bleary eyed person called me

occasionally I will dare to look into my eyes

something strange always happens

I question if its really me

or just my minds version of reality

it always feels uncomfortable  

then I step aside and the image is gone

but thankfully I am still there

I do not need a mirror to prove I am still alive

or to remind me how I look

I prefer to reflect on who I am in my mind

I wonder if bearded men suffer from mirror shyness

The battle to control John’s thoughts

Ian Hunter2 Comments

John was something of a rebel in his youth, always challenging things

not blindly agreeing to everything he heard and he was constantly searching for answers

he made an effort to think for himself

holding strong views on many things but willing to listen and learn

as he got older he settled down raising a family and working hard at his job

thinking for himself became a tiring task

without realizing it, he allowed others to do his thinking for him

he only listened to one radio station and watched one TV channel

all his books went unread and he rarely listened to music anymore

John allowed others to inject their thoughts into him

broadcasting and social media became the dirty needles for his news addiction

social media closely tracked John’s browsing habits

adjusting his news feed like the pusher who mixes a cocktail of drugs for a junkie

john happily ate all the words prepared by the media dietitians

he would repeat the same digested words during conversations

his circle of friends dwindled to a few just like him

he only went to bars that had TVs tuned to his favorite channel

politicians who hijack people’s thoughts loved John and those like him

they could easily collect votes without having any real policies or credible manifestos

one day,  John collapsed at work and was rushed to the hospital

he had suffered a massive stroke and his recovery was long and slow

throughout rehab he was totally disconnected from all news media

therapy sessions slowly taught him to speak and walk again

his right side was partly paralyzed and he learned to type with his left hand

the therapist gave him writing tasks and he kept a journal of his recovery

it was exhausting to type even a short sentence at first but John persevered 

John’s mind slowly began to wake up again

he started reading books and magazines and progressed to writing short stories 

after a very long rehab period,  John went home but he did not turn on the TV

he stopped using social media but he read extensively and wrote every day 

his first book was an autobiography

John became a successful author

the politicians who hijack people’s thoughts don’t like John anymore

Sometimes its good to be lost

Ian Hunter3 Comments

Sometimes its good to be lost

In an unfamiliar place

Without a clear path back

Nobody there to guide you

Before you can find your way back

You have to first find yourself

Find your fears and worries

Find your hopes and dreams

Have some time alone with them

Challenge them to convince you to keep them

Listen carefully to their words

Identify the ones you can really trust

Decide which ones you want to carry back

Leave the others behind

Knowing they will forever be lost

Lighten your load for the return journey

The path back will be easy to find

You will enjoy every step of the way

Come back a much better person

With clearer vision and purpose

Sometimes its good to be lost

Take some time out to build a sandcastle in your mind

Ian HunterLeave a comment

A young boy sat on the beach

His parents beside him

He played happily making sandcastles 

A small plastic bucket his only tool

His enthusiasm was intense and he glowed with joy

In just 4 years on this planet

He had learned skills to amuse himself

Totally focused on his task 

He filled his bucket

His young mind empty of distractions

He just built sandcastles

Not concerned with world affairs

No cell phone to answer 

No emails to read

He kept building sandcastles

Void of employment worries

Having no money to spend nor debts to pay

He just filled his bucket

Unaware of peer pressure to conform 

School was something his older siblings worried about

He scooped more sand with his hands

He did not reflect on his glorious gift of innocence

Nor did he allow the world to fill his mind with drivel 

He just played in the sand

Take some time for yourself today

Away from all distractions

Build a sandcastle in your mind

Foggy inside and out**

Ian Hunter1 Comment

I woke up in a fog 

my mind was groggy and dazed

it was foggy outside too

my body was in phase with the weather

drinking green tea did not clear my head

the fog stayed thick outside

was the fog leaking out of my head

or leaking in from the fields outside

perhaps I was dehydrated  from drinking wine

maybe I had not slept long enough

my overloaded brain needed a rest

how long would all this last I wondered

the sun started to burn off the fog outside

but my head remained foggy all day

like I was drugged or poisoned with a toxin

I gave up thinking because it was too painful

my body was in low energy mode

no point in strenuous exercise

this had to be a day of rest

despite extra hydration I felt foggy the entire day

the next day my head was clear when I woke up

my energy levels were back to normal

I tackled the day with vigor

taxing my body and my brain really hard 

then a thought struck me

how awful to be foggy all the time

to have you mind and body in a permanent foggy straightjacket

while others around you live large with a clear head

We often take our health for granted

a short sharp aberration reminds you

be grateful for being in good health

have compassion for those less fortunate

Embrace your situation

Ian HunterLeave a comment

We are all on a journey in life

Sometimes things take an unexpected turn 

Every situation, even in scary times, is an opportunity for growth and learning

Try your best to:

Accept the uncertainty

Embrace your situation

Look deep into the darkness

Seek guidance from your soul

Firmly grasp onto hope

You can find surprises and miracles

You can emerge from the darkest times

With happiness and confidence to face the next challenge