The adventures of Mr Baker – Part 4

We will contact you soon said the voice on the phone

Then the line went dead

He put the compromising photos in a drawer

Wondering who all these people were

As he walked home from the station that night

Somebody tapped him on the shoulder

Two goons in long overcoats pushed him into a car

The blindfold hood almost suffocated him

He took a huge breath as he was unmasked

Two menacing looking men sat at a table

Talking with thick Russian accents

Worse than a bad B movie he thought to himself

We know you have access to all UK banking information

You will download these account details 

He protested that he could not break company policy 

They handed him a memory stick

Is this some kind if practical joke he asked

One of the men put a gun to his head

We can make it look like you killed yourself

Your grieving wife will be told that you killed a man

Don’t dare talk to anybody about this

You might be interrogated by British Intelligence

Those clowns try to follow us everywhere

Tell them nothing and all will be fine

They gave him detailed instructions before releasing him

The next day he was walking near his office

A car pulled up alongside and the passenger said

Its about your meeting with the Russians please get in

The smartly dressed man in the car did not blindfold him

My name is Nigel and I work for MI6 he said with a pure British accent

Its you patriotic duty to cooperate with us Mr. Baker

Nigel smiled as he whispered If you don’t I will kill you myself 

……..To be continued………………

The adventures of Mr Baker – Part 3

Mr Baker walked over to the chest freezer

He examined the heavy padlock on the lid

Do you want to look inside said Miss Walters

He looked at her in disbelief and replied hell no

Tell me how all this happened he said firmly

She reached in her bag and handed him a bottle of pills

They were powerful prescription painkillers

He took his own life with these she said

He had been depressed after retiring

Often sleeping downstairs after heavy drinking

One morning I found him dead in the chair

I panicked and put him in the freezer

Why not just report his death he asked

I was afraid of being accused of murder

She began to cry and uttered please help me

He held her in his arms as she sobbed

Let me do some research and figure out a plan he said

She stopped crying and kissed him

He drove home trying to make sense out of all this mess

After hours on the internet he concluded she should just confess

He decided to tell her on Monday over lunch

But she was not on the train that day

He called her cell phone but no answer

She was probably just upset he thought 

Three days later and still no sign of Miss Walters

He sat at his desk wondering if she was alright

While opening his letters and sorting them into piles

A large brown envelope with no markings caught his attention

He pulled out a bunch of printed photographs

A clear image of him entering her house

Close ups of his fingerprints on the pill bottle and padlock

His phone rang and a voice said we can prove you killed him

…………..to be continued……………….

Tableware abuse and rescue

He loaded the dishwasher

but did not run it

soon after the door closed

they started talking

the plates complained of not being rinsed

you can tell when she is away

he leaves all that food on us

I hate feeling so yucky

the forks joined in

he just throws us in randomly

but she always puts us tines up

I hate being upside down

the cups were crying

he never wipes off the tea ring stain

it won’t come out in washing

he will put us away stained

the plastic cups were inconsolable

we shouldn’t even be in here

she always hand washes us

we will melt and die they screamed

after many uncomfortable days

the overloaded dishwasher finally ran

thank goodness said the knives

soon we will be back in the drawer

when the drawer closed they chatted more

the spoons were furious

we don’t live in this drawer

quiet everybody!….I can hear she is back home

the drawer opened

she apologized profusely to everybody

as they all went back in the dishwasher

they were all tines up happy again

50,000 sheep but no burglars

The body is weary but the mind is active

3.30am is no time to be suddenly wide awake

Thoughts tumbling in the dead of the night

Eyes open or closed its all the same

Sleep has abandoned me for this night

Refusing to come back like an absconded child 

Rejecting my pleas and ignoring my resting poses

I succumb to the pull of consciousness

Dressing in the dark is a real challenge

No way to verify if my clean underwear is inside out

Feeling my way through the hallway

Trying to remember where the furniture is

Rooms become infinitely big when unseen

Furniture senses me near and deliberately blocks my path

Bruised shins serve as my proximity sensors

Fumbling for the kitchen light switch

At last I find the devilish thing hiding higher up the wall than usual

An explosion of bright light almost blinds me

I squint intensely while making a cup of tea

Telling myself I must fit a dimmer to this kitchen light

It has enough lumens to serve a small town

Sunglasses are donned to ease the squinting

Hot tea tastes so good as the warm liquid is ingested

The warmth gently wakes my dozing stomach

My mind and body are now both officially deemed awake

I make my way to the desk to rudely wake up my laptop

Catching a brief glimpse of my reflection in a mirror

Images of a hung over aging rock star spring to mind

Sporting nocturnal sunglasses and wearing odd socks 

Yes my underwear is on inside out

The T-shirt is on backwards to complete the crazy outfit

I consider going back to bed to count sheep

I calculate my speed of counting

By 7am I could reach well beyond 50,000 sheep

That is a huge flock to be wandering through the pastures of my mind

A bevy of barking sheepdogs will be required to herd them

The sheep and dogs would make so much noise that I could never sleep anyway

I decide to keep the hungover aging rockstar look until dawn

If a burglar broke in right now he would surely be terrified by my image