You don’t know what you’ve got till its gone

That song is stuck in my head right now

As I lay in bed on day three of having Covid symptoms

Yes I am fully vaccinated and boosted but I still got a breakthrough infection, presumably Omicron

So here are some of the things that are gone from my life right now

Fresh air… I am confined to the bedroom in a condo with no balcony access due to external renovation

People… my darling wife is caring for me but she has to stay in the spare room while I am infectious

Exercise…..I don’t have the energy to do anything right now, my bike is looking at me like a sad puppy

Good health….I am not expecting to die from this Covid infection, however, flu like symptoms are no fun to endure for three days (or more?)

Clarity….my brain is foggy and I get tired just thinking

Freedom…I am not a prisoner but I am confined to barracks for a while

I could list many more things that I miss right now but I wanted to reflect on some positives

I have had time alone to check in with myself

I made some commitments to change things about myself that need fixing, things I have been putting off for too long

I plan to reach out to some friends who I have not been in touch with for too long

The next time its safe to actually see friends, they are going to get extra strong hugs

Time for me to rest now, be safe out there all you cheeky monkeys

You don’t know what you’ve got till its gone…….

Remember that line please

When I take a breath

When I take a breath

In moments of reflection

I do so consciously

Its my moment

When I take a breath

I am in control

I can hold on to it

Its my breath

When I take a breath

A full deep breath

I feel energy

Its my energy

When I take a breath

With deep focus

I can feel a heart beating

Its my heart beat

When I take a breath

I pause to give thanks

Trees made that oxygen

Its my oxygen

When I take a breath

I accept the gift of life

I am grateful

Its my life

When I take a breath

I feel something pure inside

To be shared

Its my love

Let your white knights do training exercises

A few days ago I had my second shingles shot

The side effects were pretty severe

Muscle pains and fever knocked me out for 36 hours

I wanted to understand why my body was reacting this way

So last night while sleeping I asked for a meeting

I requested somebody in charge of my antibodies to explain everything to me

A nice chap called James showed up

He introduced himself as the COO in charge of my body’s defenses

James explained that he has been working diligently since I was born

As I new baby my defenses were under developed

Daily attacks from viruses, bacteria, toxins and pathogens threatened my existence

James said that each attack was fought off by front line soldiers in my white blood cells

They are the white knights who engage in hand to hand combat with these enemies

Over time they build up experience of which weapons work best for specific invaders

The white knights have access to huge armory of weapons stored in my body

I asked James what the shingles vaccine was all about

He reminded me that I had chicken pox as a child

The white knights spent a couple of weeks slaying most of the chicken pox viruses

But a few escaped and went into hiding in remote parts of my body

They can reemerge many years later in the form of a shingles virus

Nobody wants the extreme pain and discomfort of shingles said James

He congratulated me on deciding to get the shingles vaccine

I sent out extra white knights to battle with the shingles viruses

They captured multiple virus particles and brought them to the armory

Shingles weapons were developed and manufactured in the armory for future use

I asked James why I was so sore after the shingles vaccine

He explained that the vaccine distributed inert shingles virus particles all over my body

The white knights set out to destroy them and evict their remains

Unfortunately the intense fighting creates inflammation in your muscles

The massive activity in your blood stream raises your temperature for a while too

James said this only lasts a day or two at most

Then the new shingles weapons are put back in the armory in case of future attacks

I thanked James for his explanations and suggested he give the white knights a day off 

Sorry I cannot do that said James, that would allow the enemy to sneak in and make you sick

James explained that my white knights work 24/7 to keep me alive and healthy

I asked James what I could do to help the white knights do their job

Eat a good diet, exercise and try to sleep well without too much alcohol or stimulants he said

Oh and never pass over an opportunity to get vaccinated he stressed

Think of the vaccination as a training exercise for your white knights

Having more weapons in their armory improves your chances of living a long life

I thanked James for the meeting and slept soundly the rest of the night

I wonder no more

I wonder how different it would have been today

if I had made different choices all those years ago

I wonder if I would I be living in the same place today 

I wonder if my situation would be much different

I wonder if the world would be exactly the same

I can remember wondering back then

wondering if I was making the right decisions

wondering if I would have regrets

wondering how my future would be

wondering if I would be happy and secure

wondering if I would be healthy

wondering if I would ever find love again

wondering how the world might be

I am now wondering why I wonder so much

it soaks up too much time and energy

it is surely time to give up all this wondering stuff

leave it to the universe

let fate decide my fate

take my chances and roll with it

wondering is for wondering wanderers

pondering is for pontificators

worrying is for worriers

life is here to be lived

people are here to be loved

health is here to be treasured

security is here to be acknowledged

happiness is here to be enjoyed

doing it is for the doers

no more wondering

just live it

The waiting room

The waiting room at the doctors office

Nobody really wants to be there

You are forced to go because you are sick

Or must attend an annual checkup

Nobody wants to make eye contact or chat

The well thumbed old magazines are probably full of germs

In contrast to the totally sterile muted daytime TV in the corner

Lets all pretend we are invisible as we pull out our cell phones

Plunging into the scary virtual world of self diagnosis

There is always somebody with a really bad cough

Everybody is holding their breath now

A nurse comes in to call a name

Its not me but now I know the name of coughing man

I will look for that name for the obituary columns tomorrow

Why did he get called so quickly

I arrived well before him

Do you get punished for arriving here on time

I wish that noisy child would shut up

The nurse appears again and calls out my name

I leap up and follow her

Not limping, shuffling or wincing in pain

To keep everybody guessing whats wrong with me

The nurse puts me in a tiny room

Takes my vitals and says the doctor will see me soon

She leaves me in solitary confinement

No TV or magazines in this lonely place

I am beginning to miss the entertainment of the big waiting room

Time passes slowly

I read all the posters on the wall

Lecturing me on the health benefits of green vegetables

I start to crave a burger with fries and a beer

I decide to surf my medical problem on the internet yet again

My symptoms cover a range of conditions

It could be nothing to worry about

Or I may die in great pain very soon

Finally the doctor comes in all smiling in a badly fitting white coat

He asks me how am I doing

As he taps on a computer screen in the corner

I wanted to say

Your waiting room sucks

Why are you so late for our appointment

I almost died waiting for you

You look far too young to be a real doctor

That stupid white coat is way too big for you

Are you just going to google my symptoms

But opted to be polite and replied

I am doing great thanks

Arterial flow during seven decades of breakfast evolutions

I grew up eating sugary cereal breakfasts

But we always had the ‘full English’ on Sundays

Eggs, bacon, sausage, baked beans, mushrooms, fried bread and black pudding swimming in fat

Its a wonder my arteries survived that weekly greasing

Upon flying the nest I stopped eating breakfast

It got in the way between sleeping and rushing to work

But I still had the Sunday brunch full English fry up

My arteries were attacked weekly but miraculously never clogged

I lived in France for five years in my forties

Discovering the joys of French cuisine and wine

The French cook everything in butter

I put on a lot of weight in that first year of the French adventure

I became more health conscious

I took early morning runs and ate oatmeal for breakfast

Amazingly shedding excess pounds while eating my way through France

I wonder if all that French butter kept my arteries flowing

I moved to New York in 2001 and fell in love with American cuisine

Diners were my favorite place to eat breakfast

Crispy bacon, pancakes and eggs anyway you wished resulted in more weight gain

My arteries were probably yelling STOP with a New York accent

A sensible diet combined with daily running got me back on track

Trips to the diner, and jumbo fast food meals became infrequent treats

I travelled a lot but reluctantly ate many hotel junky food breakfasts

My arteries resisted the onslaught and somehow kept flowing

In retirement my knees were too worn out for any more running

Cycling and yoga became my exercise partners

Porridge with flax filled my daily breakfast plate

Bacon cooking aromas from afar made my arteries cringe

I experimented with pre-cycling meals to fuel my muscles

Protein shakes propelled me along Eastern Shore lanes

Although every day was a weekend I never returned to Sunday fry ups

Intense endurance training increased my arterial blood flows

I decided to give up eating red meat a couple of years ago

No more fried bacon and sausage breakfast treats

Vegan protein shakes are now my daily breakfast routine

My arteries have somehow survived decades of abuse

Hugs

Hugs have proven health benefits

Hugs can lower your blood pressure

Hugs can improve your immune sytem

Hugs can relieve stress and tension

If you give really long hug, your heart rate and breathing can go in sync with the recipient

We don’t need science to tell us hugs are good

Everybody knows hugs feel good, both as a giver and receiver

So what makes a really good hug

Firstly the hug can only be given with permission of the recipient

So always ask before you hug

This can be a verbal exchange or if you know each other well just by body language

Make eye contact before you hug and approach slowly with arms open

Take a deep breath before hugging to help synchronize your breathing

Lean in close and match the pressure of the other person

A good hug should last at least 20 seconds

Release gently from the hug and make eye contact

Smile

Enjoy the benefits of a good hug

Now go out and practice

If you are alone you can hug yourself

Its ok to announce to others that you need a hug

just what I needed

I woke up at 5am with a terrible dry mouth

fortunately I had a glass of water on the nightstand 

instant relief once my mouth was rehydrated

just what I needed

my mind was wide awake now

I crept downstairs to the kitchen

made myself a cup of hot green tea

just what I needed

it was pitch black outside

everything was quiet

the perfect time for some creative writing

just what I needed

I sat down at my computer

emptied my mind and let my imagination run free

the words flowed freely onto the screen

just what I needed

a few hours later dawn began to break

I stepped outside to watch the sunrise

the birds sang as the sun crept over the horizon

just what I needed

I checked the tire pressures on my bike

clipped in a couple of water bottles

set off for a 30 mile ride

just what I needed

I came home refreshed and invigorated

but somewhat grimy

I stepped into a hot steamy shower

just what I needed

it was still only 10.30am

I planned to achieve a whole lot more during the day

my first task was a short meditation session

just what I needed

At the end of a busy and very productive day

I paused to reflect on the miracle of life

I poured a glass of wine

just what I needed

I wondered if the wine was the cause of my early morning dry mouth

not willing to give up drinking wine in the evenings

I took a glass of water to bed

just what I needed

Good health but short memory

good health

most of us take it for granted

until you get sick or injured

then you realize how truly precious it is

you start praying for a speedy recovery

making promises that you will change your lifestyle 

if you get well its a real blessing

suddenly you feel reborn again

fleetingly toying with goals to exercise more and eat a healthier diet

you quickly go back to your old routine

you get busy and forget about your good health

bad lifestyle habits creep back in

until the next time your health deteriorates

break this cycle

before it breaks you

your poor lifestyle is not the problem

its your memory that needs fixing

Its just a cold but they don’t believe you

it starts with a scratchy throat

then you start to ache all over

your throat gets really sore

your voice becomes raspy 

that dry cough is really annoying

next is the headache and sinus congestion

followed by a runny nose and a chesty cough

you spend a fortune on cold remedies that never work

you get worried that you have Covid

swab your nose in the drive through

the test comes back negative

but you still feel like crap

it seems to linger forever

its just a cold but in this Covid era

people treat you like a leper 

one sneeze can empty a store

a hacking cough sends people running 

pleas of “my covid test was negative’ go ignored

nobody wants to come within six feet of you

best to stay at home in self isolation

to stop the spread of your cold virus

and prevent all the Covid paranoia in public places

however this could increase the duration of your cold

because some say the only way to get rid of a cold

is to pass it along to somebody else