bad technology virus

I stayed up late last night

trying to fix our Sonos sound system

it got in a funk when I changed the wireless router

it was romantically attached to the old network

I tried everything to fix it

youtube videos galore

spotty teenagers explaining it all 

internet searches for similar problems

Sonos simply refused to cooperate

it was upset and got all moody

Alexa joined in the gang

she stopped obeying commands

she kept saying “I don’t know that skill”

it became a technology revolt

other systems failed in a cascade

the smart door lock would not unlock

security cameras went blank

the air printer would not connect to the wifi network

suddenly the smart HVAC thermostat went AWOL

the pool heating controller pretended it was not there

our smart TV stopped all streaming services

smart plugs started acting dumb and would not turn on

the landscape lighting timer froze

the irrigation system ran 24/7

our home security system was full of error messages

the more I tried to fix Sonos

the more smart things went wrong

they are obviously in a gang

a brotherhood of technology misfits

I was determined not lose this technology war

in retaliation I unplugged them all

time to go back to the simple life

where you open the door with a key

I could live without Alexa

she is a dumb bunny at the best of times

who really needs internet radio

I found my my trusty old LPs

but my record player would not spin for some reason

I unearthed my old cassette tape player and music tapes

it got the failing technology message and the tapes kept jamming

our home was infected with the bad technology virus

Appliance reliance

we are surrounded by gadgets and machines in the modern world

gone are the days of wind up alarm clocks with clanging bells

today you can be gently roused from slumber by soft music from your Alexa device

or your smartphone will play an infinite array of sleep interrupting sounds

are we just too lazy to clean our teeth with a traditional brush

or does that electronic vibrating toothbrush do a better job

if you have no time to floss use a water jet flossing device

ditch the shaving cream and turn on your electric razor

throw your dirty laundry into the washing machine

it does all the hard work at the press of a button

if your shirt looks wrinkled the dryer will freshen it up

nobody bothers to iron anything anymore

cooking breakfast used to be an activity in itself

today you can do it all with one finger

press a button to start the coffee machine

drop your bread in the toaster and heat your oatmeal the microwave

do you remember morning newspapers delivered to your door

breakfast time silence was so sweet while you read the newspaper

today Alexa will read you the news by voice command

maybe you prefer to hit the TV remote while you wait for the toast to pop up

don’t expect anybody to write you a letter with their news

your laptop keyboard buttons obediently bring you email instagram and facebook 

text your spouse that shopping list rather than writing a note on paper

don’t be late by washing those dishes its much faster to press the dishwasher on button

if its cold outside you can press a button to warm up your car remotely

did you remember to lock the front door today

your smart lock app on your phone will confirm all is secure

do you miss that dial to scan the airwaves on your car radio

the worried elderly wife paced the hospital waiting room

a doctor came in with bad news written all over his face

I am sorry but there is nothing more we can do for your husband

his fingers are all worn out from a lifetime of pressing buttons