Category: food

Making memories on a plate

Ian Hunter4 Comments

Our nephew and his girlfriend flew in to visit us in Miami

It was almost midnight on a Friday

We went straight to Versailles to eat dinner

The most famous Cuban restaurant in the world

Opened more than fifty years ago

Still serving delicious Cuban food

The place was totally packed

Mostly locals with a few tourists

We ordered the Friday special dinner

Shredded chicken with rice and plantains

For the pricey sum of $10

Washed down by Mojitos

Consuming the meal while people watching

Well dressed Hispanics 

Trendy dressed Miamians

Badly dressed tourists

All checking each other out

While eating enormous quantities of food

Every table was engrossed in deep conversation

Nobody was eating in silence

The noise was deafening

It is the place to be seen

The pace to eat

The place to be seen eating

The place to meet, eat, be seen and talk

Cuban food

At midnight

An iconic restaurant

Friendly people

Terrific ambiance

The kids loved it

Afterwards we bought empanadas from the Versailles bakery next door

Took them home for breakfast

Making memories on a plate

Shopping chopping and chomping

Ian Hunter1 Comment

I finally figured out why eating home made salad makes you thin

Its not just the fact that they are low in calories

Its the Herculean effort involved in making them

From shopping

Through chopping

Onto chomping

You burn more calories than you consume

Lets kick it up a notch

Leave the car at home

Jog to the supermarket

Skip the line of shopping carts

Carry a basket in each hand

Walk down every aisle ten times

Do not loiter near the prepared salad section

Buy whole vegetables

The bigger and dirtier the better

Walk back the long way with heavy bags 

Do bicep curls all the way home

Avoid the Covid capsule elevator

Haul those grocery bags up 14 flights of stairs

Put all 79 items in the fridge

For a few minutes

Then take them all out again

Spend hours scrubbing off all that dirt

Then scrub some more to be sure

Play loud rock music while you fast chop

Use every knife and cutting board you own

Make a huge mess in the kitchen

Dress that salad lightly

No more than five molecules of oil in the vinegar

Serve your salad with pride

Work those jaw muscles hard

Chew every mouthful 26 times

Cut out the dishwasher 

Clean everything by hand 

To be sure you missed nothing

Clean everything a second time

Dry the dishes by hand

Put everything away one piece at a time

Now mop the kitchen floor by hand

By now you should be exhausted

As you drift off to sleep

Try not to dream of fast food

How long does it take to eat an apple at the end of a picnic

Ian Hunter1 Comment

there is something ever so special about picnics

the excitement starts when preparing the food at home

knowing it will be consumed alfresco

wondering which spot will be chosen 

will it be by a flowing river or on a sandy beach

I carefully packed the picnic basket in the car

hunger pangs grew stronger while driving

heading out towards Assateague island

discovering a beautiful spot on the bayside

a picnic bench overlooking the bay

hardly anybody around on this cool spring day

watching the seagulls gliding by

wild ponies wandering through the distant marsh

kayakers rhythmically plowing through the cold choppy waters

you carefully arranged our picnic lunch

the food you had prepared was divine

gulping the salty fresh air with each delicious morsel

the chilled rose was a perfect pairing for the cool breeze

closing my eyes with every sip to see the long hot summer days to come

picking up the apple with my left hand

as my right hand reached out to hold yours

gripping them both firmly for a few tantalizing moments

squeezing your hand hard every time I bit into that apple

savoring the sweat tangy taste of that juicy fruit

pausing a long time after swallowing each mouthful 

you gave my hand a gentle prompting squeeze

before every delicious crunching bite

that apple lasted an eternity

Food for thought

Ian Hunter2 Comments

Food

Thoughts

Food for thought

Thought for food

For thought food

For the love of food

For the food of love

Love of the food thoughts

Thinking about the food you love

Thinking about the love you feed with food

Feeding your thoughts about your lover and food

Knowing that your food will be loved forever in your thoughts

Forever thinking of your lover feeding your loving food thoughts

Your thoughts of love can be everlasting just like your appetite for food

If you don’t eat you get hungry for food but you can still love somebody

If you stop loving you might lose your appetite for for food without feeling hungry

If you and your lover share the same love of food then you will never go hungry for food or love

You should never judge a place by its appearance

Ian Hunter1 Comment

We were invited to dinner by dear friends on Friday 

They suggested authentic Mexican food in Miami

A place they had not been before called Don Maguey

It was recommended by others

They knew it was on W Flagler Street

But nothing else about the place

Somebody googled the Don Maguey Mexican Restaurant

Pulling up the menu with glee

Reading out all the delicious meals

Salivating over the options

Discovering they even had a happy hour

With a wide range of cocktails at their well stocked bar

We set off early all excited

Finding the place easily in a strip mall

It looked nothing special from the outside

We walked in to find there was no bar at all

Just a counter like a cafe

The waitress smiled and we sat down with the menu

The dishes were nothing like we had read online

We must be in the wrong place we said

Lets check the address and go there

Maybe just have one drink here

We sipped on cold beers 

While searching for the correct address

Which turned out to be in Wisconsin

Obviously not where we thought

Same name but 1500 miles away

Lets just try this place anyway we agreed

The food turned out to be fantastic

The service was friendly and helpful

We were pleasantly surprised by the reasonable pricing

The owner/chef came to chat with us

Thanking us for supporting his newly opened business

Serving us complimentary fresh oysters

We hugged the staff and owner as we left

Agreeing it was a fabulous experience

Vowing to return soon

To think we almost walked out at first

You should never judge a place by its appearance

Suicide jumping toast

Ian HunterLeave a comment

I like toast in the morning

With butter and jam

Washed down with a hot cup of tea

Real comfort food

Reminds me of my childhood

There is however one problem

Mornings are often rushed

Dashing between rooms to get ready

Plate in hand with toast

Inevitably the toast slides off the plate

Like a suicide jumper from a high rise

The toast always somersaults mid dive

So that it lands butter and jam side down

He usually lands on the carpet

Making more mess that a human suicide jumper

My hungry stomach cries foul

I yell a string of obscenities 

Jam oozes deep into the carpet fibers

This drama has been going on for decades

I decided it was time to end it

After hours of inventive thoughts

Lots of googling research

And many failed kitchen science experiments

I finally solved this age old problem

I put a piece of kitchen paper on the plate

Before laying the hot toast on top

Thanks to the laws of physics

The toast can no longer slide off

No more toast suicide jumping

It worked great the first few times

I enjoyed my toast while getting dressed and checking emails

Multitasking big bites of toast without even looking

But suddenly the toast tasted really weird

The leaking butter had glued the paper to the toast

I was chewing paper towel stuck to my toast

Back to the drawing board

The suicide jumping toast lives and dies again

No bars on my kitchen window today

Ian Hunter2 Comments

I opted for a healthy breakfast today

the oatmeal was thick and steamy

coating my shiny spoon like glue

it tasted rather bland

not exactly the breakfast of champions

my mind wandered to others eating oatmeal today

jail time in England is called porridge

in honor of the unsavory oatmeal dish served behind bars

imagining the inmates morning ritual

overcrowded cells reeking of stale sweat

I took another spoonful of my porridge

it tasted distinctly unpleasant

my next spoonful of porridge was my get out of jail card

I was back in my kitchen as a free man

it did not work for long

Soviet dissidents are fed prison oatmeal called gruel

how apt that it rhymes with cruel

with my next spoonful of gruel

I could feel the biting cold of a Gulag hard labor camp

my muscles ached in sympathy for the overworked political prisoners

my next mouthful of lumpy gruel tasted bitter

how do I escape from this Gulag

a spot of time travel was called for

my mind wandered to ancient times

skilligalee is an old Anglo Saxon oatmeal dish

I plunged my shiny spoon into my skilligalee

imagining those who ate exclusively with wooden spoons

living a simple life off the land and seas

I could see the rolling hills of England

green fields and cloudy skies

my last spoonful of skilligalee tasted like English rain

I checked outside and the sun was still shining

thankfully there were no bars on my kitchen window

Chicken soup and random smelly farts

Ian Hunter1 Comment

I walked into the kitchen this afternoon

to the unmistakable aroma of chicken soup

bringing back instant memories

of being ill and having comfort food

not that I wished to be ill again

I just missed that oh so yummy cooking smell

from the steamy chicken broth

and all those simmering vegetable

I want to eat that soup right now

but I must be teased a while longer

the whole house is filled with chicken soup smell

as the soup slowly simmers on the cooktop

I shall invent a house scenting device

with a small box fitted the AC air handler

containing concentrated cooking aromas

that can be released remotely

next time you want that fresh bread scent

no need to bake dough

just hit the app on your phone

your home will smell like a bakery

when you forget to buy her flowers

not a problem anymore

two clicks and the house is transformed

into an alpine meadow in bloom

when you watch the game on TV

fill the air with stadium hot dog and popcorn smell

with a hint of freshly mown grass

and a splash of spilled cheap beer

having guests for dinner will be simple

no need to prep and cook anymore

just have the food delivered

while the house is full of cooking smells

google will soon catch on

Alexa will release smells to your voice commands

wake up to the smell of bacon cooking

your teenage kids will trick you with the aroma of random smelly farts 

Arterial flow during seven decades of breakfast evolutions

Ian HunterLeave a comment

I grew up eating sugary cereal breakfasts

But we always had the ‘full English’ on Sundays

Eggs, bacon, sausage, baked beans, mushrooms, fried bread and black pudding swimming in fat

Its a wonder my arteries survived that weekly greasing

Upon flying the nest I stopped eating breakfast

It got in the way between sleeping and rushing to work

But I still had the Sunday brunch full English fry up

My arteries were attacked weekly but miraculously never clogged

I lived in France for five years in my forties

Discovering the joys of French cuisine and wine

The French cook everything in butter

I put on a lot of weight in that first year of the French adventure

I became more health conscious

I took early morning runs and ate oatmeal for breakfast

Amazingly shedding excess pounds while eating my way through France

I wonder if all that French butter kept my arteries flowing

I moved to New York in 2001 and fell in love with American cuisine

Diners were my favorite place to eat breakfast

Crispy bacon, pancakes and eggs anyway you wished resulted in more weight gain

My arteries were probably yelling STOP with a New York accent

A sensible diet combined with daily running got me back on track

Trips to the diner, and jumbo fast food meals became infrequent treats

I travelled a lot but reluctantly ate many hotel junky food breakfasts

My arteries resisted the onslaught and somehow kept flowing

In retirement my knees were too worn out for any more running

Cycling and yoga became my exercise partners

Porridge with flax filled my daily breakfast plate

Bacon cooking aromas from afar made my arteries cringe

I experimented with pre-cycling meals to fuel my muscles

Protein shakes propelled me along Eastern Shore lanes

Although every day was a weekend I never returned to Sunday fry ups

Intense endurance training increased my arterial blood flows

I decided to give up eating red meat a couple of years ago

No more fried bacon and sausage breakfast treats

Vegan protein shakes are now my daily breakfast routine

My arteries have somehow survived decades of abuse

The Loan Ranger and Spam defeat junk emails

Ian Hunter1 Comment

Gioachino Rossini composed the William Tell Overture in 1829

I listened to that music Saturday morning as a child

I had no idea back then who composed the music

It was simply a stirring prelude the Lone Ranger

All the kids in my street watched it at the local flea pit cinema

In my adolescent years I binged on Many Python

Hilariously funny sketches about ridiculous subjects

There was one about a restaurant with Spam in every dish

A customer enquired if they had anything without Spam

There followed a singing chorus which repeated the word over and over

I would sing that song at home mostly to annoy my parents

Who would ever have guessed that Spam would become so famous

Its the word used to describe all your unsolicited emails

The ones that show up daily in your inbox

Somebody once used the name to describe them as annoyingly repetitive

Just like the Spam word in that Monty python sketch

I have tried so many ways to reduce my spam emails

Label them as junk or hit the unsubscribe link

They just keep on coming every single day

If you leave them for a few days they seem to grow like mold spores

I wanted to find a way of making the daily spam email delete activity more fun

I briefly thought about trying to recycle them

Collecting them all in a folder and forwarding to somebody else

Perhaps my least favorite politician or an annoying TV personality

But that in itself is too much work

Then I hit on the solution to make email deletion pure nostalgic fun

I now look forward to taking out the email trash daily

First I open a tin of Spam and slice it into bite size squares

Then I play a youtube video of the Loan Ranger

I snack on Spam while listening to the William Tell Overture

Its a race to the finish as I delete my emails at a super fast tempo

I can only win if the Spam and my junk emails are all gone before the end of the music