Category: drinking

Reasons to switch from regular to non-alcoholic beer

Ian Hunter5 Comments

Fewer calories and less sugar helps with weight management and overall health

High water content keeps you better hydrated

Electrolytes and carbs without alcohol can help your post exercise recovery

Less strain on your liver

No hangovers

Safe drink for pregnant women

No problem driving after drinking

Low risk of addiction

No risk of impaired mental clarity

Better quality sleep

Easier to digest

Social inclusion at events

Lower cancer risk

Better cardiac health

Lower risk for those with AFib

Reduced inflammation

Lower blood pressure

Lots of varieties to choose from

Less expensive

So what are you waiting for?

I dare you to make the switch

Gastronomic Timeshare

Ian Hunter2 Comments

I woke up this morning feeling very groggy

Still half asleep with a banging sore head

A real bad hangover feeling

Unable to remember what I drank last night

It must have been a lot 

because I could not remember anything at all

Then things slowly started to come back into focus

I did not drink anything alcoholic at all yesterday

In fact I have not drank anything since New Year’s Eve

My goal is to complete a dry January

Well not all of January but at least until Burns Night

For that is an essential drinking night for all true Scotsmen

My fake hangover today was from my head cold symptoms

Which coincidentally started on January 1st

Just my luck to stop drinking and be rewarded with a never ending fake hangover

I feel cheated in having a 3 day hangover without the buzz of drinking

There must be credits owed to me by the hangover gods

At least 3 credits worth a drink or two with no hangovers

With conditions that they could be used back to back

And that I can transfer them to a friend if need be

Or trade them for eating big meal credits without weight gain

Maybe with enough credits I could by a gastronomic timeshare

One that lets me spend an entire week of fine dining and adult beverages

With a guarantee of no weight gain or hangovers

But wait that timeshare would probably cost hundreds of credits

Requiring me to suffer a few dozen bouts of cold or flu

It would take me decades of dry times to earn that timeshare

I will settle for this cold to get better in a day or so

Then I shall blow all my credits on Robbie Burns birthday

Cough! Cough! Sneeze!……………..Slàinte Mhaith

The big decision

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Photo by Nurlan Tortbayev on Pexels.com

He knew he had to make a big decision

Being uncertain was no longer an option

No more time left in the procrastination chair

He had hoped to leave it to the universe

Let fate decide it all for him

Perhaps the answer would reveal itself

Relieving him of the burden of decision

But it was not to be 

The spotlight was on him now

Time to take a stand

To cast the die

To get off the fence

To stop mulling over

He looked around for inspiration

But none was forthcoming

Then he heard those chilling words

Above all the noise and commotion

“whats it going to be then?”

For a brief moment everything went quiet

All eyes were on him

Their gaze drilling into his mind

Everybody anticipating his answer

He summoned up every ounce of courage

Looked the bartender in the eye

Unceremoniously blurting out

‘Vodka and tonic on the rocks please’

Conversations continued in the bar

People averted their gaze

He was accepted as one of them now

He was so relieved he downed the drink in one go

The bartender gave him that look

The bar went silent

Then he heard the big question

‘same again?’

He was frozen to the spot

Wishing he had not drunk so fast

Wanting the ground to swallow him up

The silence was deafening

No words could pass his lips

He had to do something fast

He summoned all his strength

Turned to the bartender

And gave him a confident nod

The bar resumed its noisy banter

He vowed to make this one last the rest of the evening

Cruising and boozing

Ian Hunter3 Comments

We went cruising

It was mostly boozing

In-between oversize meals

We forgot how abstinence feels

Its just one big floating party

With people dressed so smartly

Headphones for silent disco dancing

Alcoholic fueled inhibitions lost prancing

Followed by top deck late night clubbing

Middle aged awkward toe stubbing

Next morning was remarkably quiet

In contrast to last night’s riot

Most folks slept late in their beds

Waking up with very sore heads

Faded memories and partying amnesia

Embarrassingly rediscovered on social media

Meet other buzzed wizards

Ian Hunter2 Comments

pick up a beer can

ice cold

grab the ring pull

listen to the crack and woosh

bring it to your lips

the cold can feels good

especially on a hot day

take a big sip

savor the taste

slow swallow

take another sip

soon the can is empty

get another cold beer

tape the bottom to the empty can

repeat often

build yourself a wizard staff

teach others how to build a wizard staff

compare your staff to others

meet other buzzed wizards

support yourself with your staff

do the wizard stagger

Thank you Mr Teabag for your sacrifice

Ian Hunter3 Comments

I wake up feeling weary after a late night

Dragging myself out of bed

My limbs are sore and aching

Forcing me to shuffle along to the kitchen

I switch on the kitchen light but its far too bright

Nobody needs that much interrogating light early in the morning

Fortunately it has a dimmer switch and my sanity is saved

The kettle is there waiting patiently for me

Pre filled with filtered water from the night before

When my movements were more coordinated than now

A flick of the switch is the starting gun for the hot water race

The familiar soothing rumble of heating water calms me

I reach into the cabinet for a fresh teabag

Thanking the goddess of grocery shopping for stocking up

The bag lays motionless in my favorite cup as the water gets hotter and hotter

The water is now in a raging boil but the kettle refuses to switch off

Its a battle of the strongest and I watch the contest unfold

Wondering who will be the victor today

Will all the water boil away and escape in a steamy vapor

Suddenly the kettle surrenders with a loud click

The fight is over and the growl of the boiling water slowly subsides

I pour the still raging water onto the waiting teabag

Eleven clockwise stirs sets the teabag into a frantic spin

It rushes around the cup releasing more flavors 

I let it dance for a few moments before expertly trapping it

My spoon squashes the teabag against the inside of the cup

I hold it there in a suffocating wrestling move until it stops wriggling

The limp dead teabag is ceremoniously dumped into the trash can

Oozing dark tea like the blood of a slain corpse

I peer into the trash can like a graveside mourner

Mr Teabag led a good and very productive life

He was a fine example to us all

The funeral is over and its time discover what he left me in his will

I carry the full cup to my favorite chair and place it near the window

Steam from the cup rises up to peek outside

Soon its cooled enough to take that first magical small sip

My aches fade away instantly and I close my eyes to slow down time

Another sip of tea warms me from the inside

I am grateful for the gift of another day

Invigorated and ready for action

Thank you Mr Teabag for your sacrifice

When Jane drank champagne

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The champagne cork popped

It was a party

For the birth of baby Jane

Jane cried a lot

The champagne cork popped

Jane was ten years old

The champagne flowed freely

Jane drank lemonade

The champagne cork popped

Jane was twenty one

All her friends were there

Jane chugged champagne from the bottle

The champagne cork popped

Jane got a big promotion at work

Friends toasted her success

Jane guzzled champagne all evening

The champagne cork popped

Jane just got married

Her mother cried

Jane drank a lot of champagne

The champagne cork popped

Jane was on a business trip

Dinner with a male colleague

Jane drank way too much champagne

Champagne corks littered her hotel bedroom when she woke up

Jane could not remember the night before

Her colleague was snoring loudly next to her

Jane never drank champagne again