Pale blue dress

Photo by Samarth Singhai on Pexels.com

She wore a pale blue dress to the ball

It was long and flowing

Heads turned

She enjoyed the attention

She wore a red dress at a party

It was short and revealing

She knew she looked sensational

She felt empowered

She wore yoga pants at the supermarket

Although she never practiced yoga

Eyes followed her down every aisle

She liked being admired

A few years later

She had gained some weight

Desperately still trying to dress to impress

She felt she was losing 

Some years later

She adopted a conservative look

Classy but stylish

She felt in control

Many years later

She wore sweatpants for shopping

And a loose top

She felt comfortable

She looked at her old photos

When she was young and slim

Always wearing the latest fashions

Fond memories made her smile

She helped her daughter pick out her wedding dress

She bought herself an expensive pale blue dress 

A few sizes bigger than her first one

She felt elegant and at peace with her figure

A man of all sizes

we all need to buy things that fit our body size

clothing is an essential need unless you are a nudist

selecting the right bicycle for your size is important

if you play golf make sure you select the right club length

lets start with what you put on your feet

if you were born in the US you will know your shoe size

when you go to Europe Mexico Australia China or the UK

be prepared for a totally different shoe size

does your foot change shape when you step outside the US

perhaps air travel induces permanent ankle swelling

do walking styles differ internationally

maybe Australians have more toes than Europeans

mens jackets are sold according to chest size

with options in regular or long

sometimes I fit a regular jacket and other times its a long

maybe my arms grow and shrink depending on the weather

I went to a bicycle store for a fitting 

I sat on a machine that adjusted the seat position

they measured my power output for a range of settings

then told me I needed a size 58cm

not all bicycles are sold in cm sizes

some manufacturers only offer small medium large and XL

worse still these sizes are not universal

one make in a medium is equivalent to a large in another make

I looked through my closet today

scanning the sizes of my shirts and cycling jerseys

all these items fit me today

but their labelled sizes range from L to XL and XXL

somebody needs to invent a body sizing App

where my phone maps my entire shape and form

then when I want to buy anything at all to fit me

I can just use the App and tell them I am size “Ian”

your underwear drawer says who you are

You can tell a lot about a person from the way their underwear drawer is organized

If its totally neat and organized by brand, style and color type it says that you like to keep things perfect

You probably keep your house neat and organized too

Your car is immaculate, in showroom condition with nothing messing up the interior

Your yard is manicured without a stray leaf out of place

Your whole life will be organized and planned to the second

You are in total control of everything and when things get messy or the unexpected happens you move quickly to fix it

If its somewhat neat with your undies folded but not organized then you are somebody who goes with the flow

You have no problem with other people making decisions for you

You do not have to be in control of everything but you are connected enough to be know what’s going on around you

Your house is not untidy but it does look lived in

Your yard is well laid out but has a few weeds which you leave for the landscape guy to take care of twice a month 

Your car has a few dents but gets washed once a month

Your life is fairly well organized with few surprises

When the unexpected happens you deal with it in a structured way without panicking

If your clean underwear gets randomly thrown into the drawer with no organization then you know how to prioritize your time

Its not important to you to waste time folding and organizing a drawer full of underwear that nobody else sees

You are carefree, impulsive and wild at times

Your house is untidy with dirty dishes in the sink but you have a fabulous collection of books and records

Your yard is totally overgrown and full of wild flowers and weeds

Your car is dirty and completely banged up, the interior is full of junk and half eaten snacks

Your life is not organized at all and you are constantly putting out fires and dealing with chaos

But you are probably deliriously happy with tons of friends

Closet life

shirts hang around in a big gang

chatting about their adventures

where did you go last night

to the coolest restaurant in town

did he take you to work again

yes and its always the same old boring routine

laundry time is a nice swim

ending in torture by a hot iron

socks sleep in pairs in a dark drawer

they get split up when worn

go for long walks

get to watch tv on the couch

before sleeping on the bedroom floor

maybe spending weeks in the laundry basket

hoping to be reunited with their lost twin

sadly ending their life alone at the back of the drawer

underwear might seem a good gig

all shouting me me me when the drawer opens

but it always the same few who get picked

leaving the oldest behind in the dark

underwear is quickly covered up

hardly ever seeing daylight

except in those steamy romantic moments

where they might get trampled on a bedroom floor

jeans are the king of the closet

they get to see everything in life

walking driving relaxing hanging out in bars

the favorite pair can be chosen virtually every day

even when old and frayed they still get worn

never going out of fashion

they bond with their owner

over time accommodating his expanding waistline

Hat memories

when I wear my tweed flat hat

it reminds me of Scotland

fly fishing for salmon

on the banks of a river

when I wear my green flat hat

it reminds me of England

sipping warm beer in winter

by the fireside of a pub

when I wear my blue flat hat

it reminds me of France

fresh baguette and cheese

drinking red wine copiously

when I wear my white trilby hat

it reminds me of Derby day

drinking too many mint juleps

losing with every bet placed

when I wear my cowboy hat

it reminds me of Nashville

hanging out with my son

proudly listening to him play guitar

when I wear my Liverpool hat

it reminds me of Anfield

watching Liverpool FC play

going crazy when they score

when I wear my NSX hat

it reminds of auto racing

driving really fast on the racetrack

closing my eyes while crashing

when I wear my tam o’shanter hat

It reminds me of my dad

a proud scotsman

I do miss him