Invasion of the “plants of another color” Part 5 Finale

The savage murder of the houseplants was a huge blow to our integration plans

I had to act fast to keep everything on track

I asked Cos to investigate who was responsible and find out what was known in the garden

He quickly reported that the garden had not been eavesdropping on our therapy sessions

They had no idea what we were planning to do

The fact that we were inside the house for so long had aroused suspicion

A terrorist squad from the plants of another color seized the opportunity to create fear and division

I assembled all the plants for a group discussion

Although grieving over the attack, we were all resolute on never giving in to terrorists

We decided to plant the firewall immediately, it would take a week or so to be fully effective

In the meantime, I set up a filtration camp in the potting shed

All plants would pass through there for processing

Those deemed to be radicalized would be kept in the potting shed for de-programming

The rest would be told of our integration plan and given a choice

They could either sign our integration pledge and live happily in the garden with all the other plants

Or they would be composted

Not surprisingly they all signed the pledge and I started to change the garden

The flower beds were no longer mulched or trimmed

I stopped cutting the lawn

After a few weeks, it all started to take shape

The firewall was working and keeping data from the terrorists outside

There were only a handful of diehard radicals locked up and guarded in the potting shed

Cos felt safe enough to leave the house and be planted outside again

Over time, a beautiful wild natural garden flourished

All the plants were respectful and helped each other grow

Everybody was happy and I enjoyed chatting with them outside every day

The bees were so grateful for all the flowers to visit, I got to know them so well

The butterflies came in droves adding more color to the garden

The birds were delirious to have places to eat, sleep and play

They started to disperse seeds and cuttings to other gardens nearby

Then out of the blue, I got an official letter from the Home Owners Association

Your flower beds and lawns do not conform to the bylaws

You are requested to mow the lawn and clear out all weeds from the flower beds

Failure to comply with the HOA rules for landscaping within 15 days will incur a fixed penalty fine

If you incur a fine and it’s not paid within 7 days, the Association will put a lien against your property

Please sign the enclosed acknowledgment form agreeing to conform to the bylaws

I tore up the letter, poured myself a beer, and hung out in the garden with my plant buddies

I am in jolly old England

I woke up early on this Sunday morning

It is almost the end of May

Clear blue skies over the English countryside

The sun is rising over the Downs

Casting long shadows over the English garden patio

The vegetable garden is basking in the warm English sunshine

Growing season is upon us

You can almost see the leaves expanding

Birds line up at the bird feeders

Grateful for their free English breakfast

Birdsongs fill the air

Doves are gently cooing

Others chirping and tweeting

While most folks are still sleeping

Tall hedgerows border the very English manicured lawns

Providing a welcome home for English wildlife

Flowering plants and shrubs abound

The quintessential English country garden

Painted around a beautiful English country house

Close to a small English village

With a typical English village green

Where white clothed English gentlemen

Play the English game of cricket

On sunny English afternoons

The sound of leather hitting willow

Followed by civilized English applause

From the warm-beer sipping English spectators

Brings back fond memories

I am in jolly old England

How fast is the heartbeat of a giant woodpecker

At last I found some time to sit down and write today

Transmit my thoughts into my daily poem

It was hard to concentrate

Due to the construction work outside the condo

Drilling and hammering

Workers dangling from the high rise roof on cradles

Those steel suspension cables look ever so thin

The construction workers do not seem worried at all

Strung up so high in the wind and rain

Jack hammering away at the concrete walls

Like giant woodpeckers

Searching for hidden grubs

Concrete dust clouds rolled by my tightly closed window

I grabbed the Bose headphones

They cut out almost all the construction noice

Peace at last

Well not quite

There was a steady distant thumping in my ears

Slow and rhythmical

That cannot be a construction woodpecker

It suddenly dawned on me

It was my own heartbeat

Presumably amplified by the Bose headphones

I closed my eyes to listen closely

With a few deep breaths

And some concentrated bio feedback

I was able to slow down my heartbeat

I checked my resting pulse

It was a steady 56 bmp

These headphones are great for a relaxing meditation

Even in the middle of all this contstruction mayhem

But suddenly my ears exploded

Rock music was blasting away

The headphones had somehow connected to Spotify on my phone

My heart rate jumped to racy 96 bpm

Led Zeppelin was however quite entertaining

Bringing back memories of my head banging youth

And it totally drowned out the giant woodpeckers outside

So I left the music on loud

Meditation time was over

Rock on

Slow heartbeats are for stoned hippies

I wonder how fast is the heartbeat of a giant woodpecker

I forgive you

It was almost midnight on a dark October night

The leaves were beginning to turn and it was cool but with still air

Dark silence was broken by an owl hooting

I stepped outside to listen

He seemed to be in the nearest big tree

It was too dark to see him

A second owl further away was answering his call

I listened intensely for about twenty minutes

I recorded the sounds on my phone

A quick search online revealed a guide to owl sounds on youtube

I was able to compare the sounds and identify them as great horned owls

Unfortunately I could not tell what they are saying

I wonder how long it will be before somebody develops an App for that

One that translates animal sounds into human language

Imagine the joy of talking to your pet dog

Listening to his barking thoughts

Maybe he could teach you new tricks

Like how to identify things by smell

You could ask him to perform clever tricks

Like fetching you a cold beer from the fridge

If I had that App today

I would tell the owl how sorry I was

For all the trees being cut down for housing developments

I would tell the owl I am sorry for all the pollution

Sorry for all the pesticides that disrupt the animal food chain

I wonder what the owl would have to say in return

Hoot hoot….hoot hoot

Hopefully that means “its OK I forgive you”

Gerry the crow*

my name is Gerry and I am a crow 

we are members of the corvid family

my cousins are ravens jays and magpies 

us crows are very intelligent birds

smarter than some primates

probably smarter than a lot of humans

if you see us all falling about laughing

its probably over the dumb antics of a human 

we do get a bad rap from other birds

I admit that we occasionally steal their eggs 

but they always lay plenty more

to be sure their own species survives

crows are despised by humans

they use our name to insult women

we crows are much more civilized

I married Dahlia three years ago

I would never stoop so low to call her an old human

we are a devoted couple and will stay together for life

unlike other birds who are polygamous

you will never see a crow at a bird swapping party

why do so many humans cheat on their partners

no wonder almost half human marriages end in divorce

we crows are civilized and live together in a family group

our sentries keep a lookout for owls and hawks

humans call a group of crows a murder

another example of how rude they can be

we crows use tools to get food

dropping hard shells onto rocks for example

some humans cannot even open a can of beans

humans are so wasteful with their food

we know how to open trashcans to get their leftovers

our ancestors were persecuted by humans

they tried to shoot us all to extinction

crows would never participate in such ethnic cleansing

we got smart and moved to the cities and suburbs

nobody shoots crows in urban areas

we often witness humans shooting each other though

The amorous owl*

darkness shrouds the bay late evening

the marsh settles down to sleep

intense blackness amplifies every sound

footsteps of a deer leaving the forest

seeking out green pastures to graze

birds have settled down to roost

small mammals find shelter and rest

raccoons come out to play in gangs

looking for mischief like unruly teenagers

suddenly an owl hoots

hoot hoot

deadly silence follows his call

potential prey seek deeper cover

fearing this nocturnal hunter may attack

the raccoons briefly pause

they know an owl can take them down

the owl hoots again

hoot hoot

a second owl answers his call

hoot hoot 

hoot hoot

She is saying I am over here

I am coming to visit you he hoots

hoot hoot

hoot hoot

the raccoons burst into laughter

fits of raccoon giggles over amorous owls

Suddenly the owl swoops by

raccoons all run for cover in panic

the owl flies on towards his mate

he knows he can find food later

he has other plans right now

deer continue nocturnal grazing totally unabashed

hoot hoot

hoot hoot

the delinquent raccoon gangs decide to call it a night