Category: birds

Gerry the crow

Ian Hunter2 Comments

my name is Gerry and I am a crow 

we are members of the corvid family

my cousins are ravens jays and magpies 

us crows are very intelligent birds

smarter than some primates

probably smarter than a lot of humans

if you see us all falling about laughing

its probably over the dumb antics of a human 

we do get a bad rap from other birds

I admit that we occasionally steal their eggs 

but they always lay plenty more

to be sure their own species survives

crows are despised by humans

they use our name to insult women

we crows are much more civilized

I married Dahlia three years ago

I would never stoop so low to call her an old human

we are a devoted couple and will stay together for life

unlike other birds who are polygamous

you will never see a crow at a bird swapping party

why do so many humans cheat on their partners

no wonder almost half human marriages end in divorce

we crows are civilized and live together in a family group

our sentries keep a lookout for owls and hawks

humans call a group of crows a murder

another example of how rude they can be

we crows use tools to get food

dropping hard shells onto rocks for example

some humans cannot even open a can of beans

humans are so wasteful with their food

we know how to open trashcans to get their leftovers

our ancestors were persecuted by humans

they tried to shoot us all to extinction

crows would never participate in such ethnic cleansing

we got smart and moved to the cities and suburbs

nobody shoots crows in urban areas

we often witness humans shooting each other though

The amorous owl

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darkness shrouds the bay late evening

the marsh settles down to sleep

intense blackness amplifies every sound

footsteps of a deer leaving the forest

seeking out green pastures to graze

birds have settled down to roost

small mammals find shelter and rest

raccoons come out to play in gangs

looking for mischief like unruly teenagers

suddenly an owl hoots

hoot hoot

deadly silence follows his call

potential prey seek deeper cover

fearing this nocturnal hunter may attack

the raccoons briefly pause

they know an owl can take them down

the owl hoots again

hoot hoot

a second owl answers his call

hoot hoot 

hoot hoot

She is saying I am over here

I am coming to visit you he hoots

hoot hoot

hoot hoot

the raccoons burst into laughter

fits of raccoon giggles over amorous owls

Suddenly the owl swoops by

raccoons all run for cover in panic

the owl flies on towards his mate

he knows he can find food later

he has other plans right now

deer continue nocturnal grazing totally unabashed

hoot hoot

hoot hoot

the delinquent raccoon gangs decide to call it a night

I want to be in your gang

Ian Hunter3 Comments

Oh Soaring birds

Way up high 

Riding the wind

Chasing rainbows

The sky is your playground

An aerial glider park

Free of rules

No traffic controllers

You come daily at dawn

In large groups

To watch the sunrise

Shooting the breeze

Wantonly hanging out

With your friends

Riding the thermals

Making fast turns

Diving between high rises

Dancing and swirling 

Trying to impress

Looking for a date

Searching for a mate

Love on wings

Living the high life

I want to be in your gang

Caring friends

Ian Hunter2 Comments

while eating breakfast yesterday

I heard a loud bang on the window

upon investigation I found a blackbird

he had flown into the glass

he had landed on a chair on the deck

alive and breathing heavily

eyes were wide open and blinking

but otherwise motionless

I decided to leave him alone

maybe he would recover

or slip away in private

let nature take its course

soon another blackbird appeared 

sitting on the arm of the chair

looking down at his fallen friend

maybe he was talking to him

the injured bird started to stir

rolling from his back 

standing on his feet

but still unsteady from the impact

his friend stayed with him

two more blackbirds flew by

they perched on the deck railing

word had got around

the injured bird hopped down onto the deck

still unable to fly

breathing heavily

three friends encouraging him

a short while later he flew into the air

three wingman at his side

he was probably saying thanks

to his caring friends

heron with an attitude

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my name is Harry and I am a great blue heron

I live in the marsh near Turville Creek

you might have seen me fishing there

or flying between my favorite spots to hang out

I remember growing up in the nest with my siblings

our parents brought us food every day

We would sing songs and play games in the nest

but when we got big we just got kicked out one day

We had to learn to fly around and catch our own food

now you might think that being a heron is a really cool life

but let me tell you that I face lots of daily challenges

survival in nature requires a lot of hard work and constant vigilance

we used to have this place all to ourselves 

but people started building houses all along the coastline

taking up more and more of our homeland

I am very scared of humans and fly away when they get close

when fishing I have to stand very still in the water 

its so hard to keep focussed on catching a fish 

my mind keeps wandering off and I think about finding a mate and having chicks

then a fish swims by and I am too slow to catch him

the other day I saw this really pretty girl heron 

she flew into the pool near me and started preening her feathers to attract me

I pretended not to notice her and with massive concentration caught a huge fish

I held it in my beak for her to see and she came close

she looked at me with those big beautiful hungry eyes

I gave her the fish and said you can have it hoping it would lead to sex

she just took it and flew off without even a kiss or a thank you 

I caught no more fish that day and went to sleep hungry

the next day I got chased off the water by those bald eagle thugs

then that girl heron showed up again and wanted to get all friendly

I was not interested in her teasing game so I said to her “bugger off and find your own dinner!”

I am the tall lanky lonely horny hungry sex starved great blue heron with an attitude

MFGA

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a large flock of Canada geese flew over my house

formation flying like military jets

such gracious big airborne creatures

they filled me with awe for a brief moment

until one of them pooped all over my car

so I did some research on goose digestive systems

apparently they poop every 12 minutes

pooping out typically two pounds per day

a flock of fifty produces a hundred pounds of poop a day

worse still their poop is full of nasty bacteria and parasites

a real health hazard in an area where children play daily

these geese no longer look cute in the field next to my home

they are a federally protected species

however it is legal to harass them into leaving the area

I tried verbally abusing them but they ignored me

they did not respond to my eviction notices

I need to turn up the heat on these pests

I will shame them with long savage rambling tweets

I will give them names like Fat Bertha and Pooping Percy

I will invent stories about their corruption and criminal activities

I will incite people to rise up against these illegal immigrants

I will demand that the FBI arrest them and throw them in  jail

I will blame Canada for the problem

I will build a big tall wall on the Canadian border to stop them crossing

I will make the Canadians pay for it

Making the Field (next to my house) Great Again

Failed construction

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we are fortunate to live on a bay teeming with wild birds

herons stealthily strut the marsh edges looking for food

spending hours motionless before striking at their prey

swallowing fish whole is their speciality cabaret show

ducks are the little soldiers on the bay parade ground

swimmingly along in formation to the quack of their drill sergeant

geese fly by our home in a perfect V formation

an avian airshow with silent motors and pooping exhausts 

bald eagles nest somewhere nearby

majestically perched in high trees surveying the water

this king of the raptors is a hells angel on wings

nobody messes with this flying Harley Davidson

ospreys build nests on structures in the water

every channel marker adorned with masses of twigs

platforms have been built specially for them

but the one nearest our home is in very bad shape

wrecked in a storm the pole is precariously leaning 

only a single plank remains of the nesting platform

every year a pair of ospreys tries to build here

no pre-purchase surveys in the nesting bird real estate market

a finished osprey nest is probably too heavy for this leaning tower

it would be a tragedy if their completed nest collapsed with young inside

we watch the homebuilding ospreys spending days gathering twigs

gliding back for assembly on that narrow single plank

frequently their building material rolls into the water

they keep coming back and somehow start to weave them together

but then it all slides off the sloping plank when the wind blows strong

they sit on their now bare perch wings folded and dejected

the female saying to her mate “I told you it would not work here”

as he flies off in search of more twigs to prove her wrong

they usually give up after three or four weeks

I wonder where they go after their failed construction 

maybe they give up altogether on homebuilding

perhaps falling into the clutches of slum nest rental landlords

I did think about adding some more planks to the damaged platform

I took a kayak right up close because its very shallow around that pole

but once I saw how badly damaged that pole was

I decided not to intervene

leave it all to nature

Please forgive me Mr. Woodpecker

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Photo by Dave Clarke on Pexels.com

the large pine tree at the side of our house died a while ago

it was very old and died a natural death

I watched the leaves falling

then the smaller branches started to snap off in the wind

the birds liked to perch in that tree

a tall vantage point overlooking the marsh

woodpeckers hammered away at the trunk looking for food

ospreys plucked off small branches for their nest building

eventually it was going to weaken and topple in a high wind

it was leaning towards the house

to prevent property damage it had to be cut down

a short buzz of a chainsaw and it crashed away from the house

it was so sad to see it fall 

cut up and fed into a wood chipper

today its just a big empty space

I miss seeing the birds

I miss looking at that tree

the side of our house looks naked now

all those years of growing skyward 

giving shelter and food to animals

providing welcome shade to our home on hot summer afternoons

suddenly ending in a ceremonial pile of mulch

please forgive me Mr. Woodpecker

time to plant a new tree

paddling out of formation

Ian Hunter1 Comment

Not quite a perfect formation

the sixth placed girl strayed out of line

She sets her own course, strays from the herd

She beats to a different drum and proudly proclaims her individuality

She is called Karen

I can hear the other birds calling her back

Hey Karen, get back in line please

begging her to complete the formation

she smiles, exuberayting such grace and poise 

as she says “fuck off”

The queen of the bird catwalk

Ian Hunter2 Comments

Snowy egret with feathers flowing 

The best dressed bird on the lake

Always turned out well

In your designer costume

The herons must shop at Walmart 

Drab colors and badly fitting coat

The osprey shops at REI

Sporting an athletic high diving suit

The owl is always well dressed

Never a feather out of place

Scruffy seagulls swarm into town

Food stained well worn outfits

Eagles swoop low in black tie suits

With perfectly pressed lily white shirts

Starlings were at the end of the line

When suits and dresses were assigned

They got the oil stained mechanic’s coveralls

Doves show off their fake fur coats

The other birds totally ignore them

Woodpeckers wear their sports coats so well

Hair dyed bright red is their fashion

But nothing can beat the egret

She is the queen of the bird catwalk