Category: animals

Owl Chatter

Ian Hunter1 Comment

It was a very dark evening

low clouds hugging the ground

soaking everything

damping down all noise

no traffic on the street

everybody was hunkered down for the night

the silence was almost total

stepping outside to put the trash out

my footsteps were deafening

something compelled me to remain outside a moment longer

suddenly an owl hooted

hoohoo hooooooo

another owl hooted back

hooooo hoo hoo ho

long and short hoots in bursts

morse code of the night forrest

potential prey staying silent

not wanting to attract attention

leaving the owls center stage

no moonlight or twinkling stars above

eternal blackness and cold damp silence 

a perfect night for long range nocturnal raptor chatter

back inside the TV was blaring

imported artificial noise felt lame

turning off the TV and all the lights

listening intensely in the dark silence 

a faint hoot beckoned me to open a window

owl banter flooded the room

hoooo hoo hoo hoooo hoo

more entertaining than a Netflix script

but I wondered what they were saying

staring at the TV remote

fantasizing there might be an owl subtitles button

they kept hooting all night

hooooooo hoohoo hoo hoo

Listen Great Horned Owls here!

Nature will outlive us all

Ian HunterLeave a comment

if you look at what is happening in the world

its easy to get depressed and anxious about the future

climate change and global warming

pandemics and monkeypox virus scares

raging inflation and economic uncertainty

supply chain issues and staff shortages everywhere

the war in Ukraine and the terrible tragedies there

political extremism on the left and right sides

rising crime rates in big cities

gun violence and mass shootings

the list is almost endless

I woke up around 3am one morning

my head was swimming in all these issues

then I looked out of the window

I saw the moonshining bright in the sky

Jupiter and Mars at her side

it was a very quiet night

apart from the hooting of the owls in the woods

then it struck me like a thunderbolt

nature is there despite all the woes of human civilization

she will still be there however we shape our future

the Moon will never invade Mars

Jupiter will never be at war with the other planets

birds do not stay awake all night worrying about their food chain

animals have no access to weapons to perform mass shootings

there are no politics played out in the woods

nature does a pretty good job of keep things balanced

so sad that humans are much worse at maintaining equilibrium

we came from the natural world 

but we have forgotten our roots

we have become too disconnected from nature

not stopping often enough to smell the roses

or to feel the breeze and watch the sunrise

people are too engrossed in watching TV to step outside and look at the stars

nature must be looking at humans with disdain

wondering however we evolved into what we are now

if the human race ever does become extinct

the world will continue fueled by nature

Birds (and Humans) of Maryland and Delaware

Ian Hunter1 Comment

if I were a bird in Maryland and Delaware

I would watch the bird watchers

Make notes on their habits

Study their mating rituals

Record their voices

Stare at them for hours

Make notes on their appearance

Guide them to secret bird watcher locations

Fool all the bird watchers

Into thinking we do not see them

Report fake rare bird sightings

Send bird watchers on wild goose chases

With no birds to be seen

I will follow the bird watchers home

Build a bird hide in a nearby tree

Observe the humans from my hide

Note how they sit around most of the time

Watching mindless daytime TV

Checking their phones every five minutes

Swapping bird photos on social media

Eating processed foods

Drinking beer from cans

Ordering stuff from Amazon

While neglecting their chicks

I will gather all my notes

Sort through all my photos

Write a human watching book

The Humans of Maryland and Delaware

It will be a best seller

I will retire on the enormous birdseed proceeds

Move to a bird retirement home

Spend hours tracking my birdseed portfolio

While worrying about humans becoming extinct

Invasion of the “plants of another color” Part 5 Finale

Ian Hunter2 Comments

The savage murder of the houseplants was a huge blow to our integration plans

I had to act fast to keep everything on track

I asked Cos to investigate who was responsible and find out what was known in the garden

He quickly reported that the garden had not been eavesdropping on our therapy sessions

They had no idea what we were planning to do

The fact that we were inside the house for so long had aroused suspicion

A terrorist squad from the plants of another color seized the opportunity to create fear and division

I assembled all the plants for a group discussion

Although grieving over the attack, we were all resolute on never giving in to terrorists

We decided to plant the firewall immediately, it would take a week or so to be fully effective

In the meantime, I set up a filtration camp in the potting shed

All plants would pass through there for processing

Those deemed to be radicalized would be kept in the potting shed for de-programming

The rest would be told of our integration plan and given a choice

They could either sign our integration pledge and live happily in the garden with all the other plants

Or they would be composted

Not surprisingly they all signed the pledge and I started to change the garden

The flower beds were no longer mulched or trimmed

I stopped cutting the lawn

After a few weeks, it all started to take shape

The firewall was working and keeping data from the terrorists outside

There were only a handful of diehard radicals locked up and guarded in the potting shed

Cos felt safe enough to leave the house and be planted outside again

Over time, a beautiful wild natural garden flourished

All the plants were respectful and helped each other grow

Everybody was happy and I enjoyed chatting with them outside every day

The bees were so grateful for all the flowers to visit, I got to know them so well

The butterflies came in droves adding more color to the garden

The birds were delirious to have places to eat, sleep and play

They started to disperse seeds and cuttings to other gardens nearby

Then out of the blue, I got an official letter from the Home Owners Association

Your flower beds and lawns do not conform to the bylaws

You are requested to mow the lawn and clear out all weeds from the flower beds

Failure to comply with the HOA rules for landscaping within 15 days will incur a fixed penalty fine

If you incur a fine and it’s not paid within 7 days, the Association will put a lien against your property

Please sign the enclosed acknowledgment form agreeing to conform to the bylaws

I tore up the letter, poured myself a beer, and hung out in the garden with my plant buddies

you can be a farmer too

Ian Hunter1 Comment
you entered Tractor Supply Co

there were no tractors for sale

but they did have some tractor parts

lots of animal feed and fencing

there were some chicks in a pen

bags of feed and fertilizer

cool and trendy farmer clothing

everything you need to start your own hobby farm

not the kind that sells tons of produce

more aimed at putting something barely edible on the table very occasionally

you buy lots of stuff and head to your country second home

your weekend retreat to entertain friends from the city

serving home grown chicken and vegetable meals

cooked in an electric oven powered by coal fired electricity plants

accompanied by not at all home grown wine and cocktails

served on plates which were made on the grid in China

delivered by oil burning container ships

to a port with diesel trucks waiting

to distribute your plates to a store

which wastes tons of energy on exotic displays

back at your country retreat dinner party

you serve the meal on a table made from rain forest mahogany

in a house with wood burning fires

lit by hundreds of burning candles

your guests all came in gas guzzling cars

clutching their expensive iPhones

everybody talks about saving the planet

comparing notes about donating to green causes

discussing all the carbon neutral places to buy stuff

as the freon polluting frozen ice cream is served

then somebody mentions the words Tractor Supply

Your ears prick up and your significant other runs out of the kitchen

everybody awaits the next words

somebody breaks the silence

“lets all go to Tractor Supply”

you are so happy that they picked your Mecca

you burn lots of gas driving there fast

entering the store with excitement

your guests all buy trendy farming clothing

you buy extra chicken wire to keep out the fox

one of your guests tries to checkout with Bitcoin

a currency mined with vast amounts of wasteful energy

you all head back to your hobby farm happy and singing folk songs

to find fire trucks and flashing lights

somebody had knocked over a candle on the way out

your hobby farm has been totally destroyed

leaving you with a massive carbon footprint

you check on the chickens outside

the fox had already taken them all

time to head back to the city

Sammy the shark

Ian Hunter2 Comments

Sammy was a young shark

he swam with all the other adolescents

not big enough to swim with the big sharks

but too big to dart around with the babies

he never did fit in with the group

feeling they were all to vicious in killing prey

always holding back in the attacks

picking up scraps of discarded flesh

as he grew’ bigger he worried more

he started to lose weight

his parents became very concerned

sending him first to a shark doctor

who could find nothing wrong physically

Sammy continued to worry and get thinner

his parents decided to send him to a shark psychologist

they spent many hours with Sammy laying on a seabed couch 

eventually they figured out that Sammy was vegetarian 

his parents were totally shocked

how could our son not like eating fish

whatever did we do wrong in parenting and can we find a cure

Sammy was relieved to learn the news

he decided to come out and told everybody

many of his friends just swam away

not wanting to risk being converted

even some family members shunned him

Sammy spent all day foraging for seaweed

it was hard work to find enough food to sustain him

one day he spotted another shark grazing in the kelp

“what’s your name” he asked

“I am Robert” came the reply

they became instant friends

spending days together looking for vegetarian food

the other sharks were cruel to them

calling them names like “finless vegetarian” and “Sharkweer”

Sammy was upset and Robert consoled him

“Look Sammy” said Robert “these people just cannot handle anything outside their comfort zone”

“they are all Queervegetarianshark Fobics”

Soon after Sammy organized a seaweed eaters pride parade

with floats that did not float and shark drag queens 

Bobby met somebody new at the parade

they swam off together leaving Sammy all alone

Sammy got really annoyed at being dumped so publicly

he snapped at a passing fish

devouring him in seconds

Sammy never ate seaweed again

Thanks to the turkey vultures

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I stood on my balcony waiting for sunrise

A huge group of turkey vultures were soaring nearby

There must have been more than a hundred

The sky was almost back with them

Huge birds with a six foot wingspan

Playing in the early morning thermals

Taking spiral rides upwards

Breaking off to dive down again

Enjoying the invisible fairground rides

Swooping between buildings

Some came really close to my balcony

So close that we made eye contact

I wondered if they were checking me out 

As a potential food source

I waved to them in defiance

Sorry guys I am not dead yet

The message spread fast and they moved on

Soon the skies were clear again

How odd that it took a bunch of vultures

To remind me that I am still alive and well

Not that I had forgotten about my existence

Its just that I had not been thinking about it recently

Those birds did me a huge favor today

I will cherish every moment that passes

My senses will be super sharp all day

Sunrise came and the clouds lit up bright pink 

The colors seemed much more vibrant than usual

The flavors in my breakfast shake were divine

I can feel the energy flowing through my veins

Time to pump up the tires for a long bike ride

Its going to be one of those banner days

Thanks to the turkey vultures

Starfish

Ian Hunter2 Comments

Walking the beach after a storm

Lots of shells washed up

I started collecting them

I found a starfish

He looked so cute

I picked him up

To add to my collection

But he felt too heavy

I turned him over

He was still alive

Should I throw him back

Risk damaging him

Or gently return him

I decided not to hurl him

Wading deep into the surf

Pausing when the water was waist deep

Gently placing him on the sea floor

Stepping back gingerly

So as not to step on him

Standing on the beach

Watching the waves crash in

Trying to imagine the starfish now

Back in his natural habitat

I closed my eyes

Listening to the waves

Gently lapping the shore

They were whispering to me

Thank you thank you

I reflected on my actions

Did I do the right thing

My mind wandered

Can you grill and eat starfish

The waves got angry

My time with the owl

Ian Hunter3 Comments

 Many years ago

I was driving to the river

In North Wales

For an early morning fly fishing session

It was still dark

There was no traffic around

I saw something flash in front of me

Then I heard a thump

I pulled over and walked back

I found an owl in the roadway

He was still breathing but not moving

I picked him up carefully

Placed him inside my Barbour Jacket

Continued my drive to the river

It was almost dawn when I parked the car

I took my fishing gear to the water

Reached inside my jacket

Brought out the owl

He was awake and looking at me 

His big eyes stared at me

He had regained some strength

Enough to perch on my hand

He did not seem afraid or in distress

His head kept turning as he looked around

After a while his wings stretched out

I held him out at arms length

He looked into my eyes one last time

Flapped his wings and took off

He flew straight down the river

Before turning into the woods

The fishing that day was not memorable

But I will always remember 

My time with the owl

The scintillatingly sassy Sandpiper seaside salsa

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Sandpipers scurry along the beach

Retreating from the advancing surf

Scurrying back as the dying wave retreats

Pecking furiously at the wet sand

All moving in unison like well trained dancers

Take thirty steps to the left

Then thirty steps to the right

Quick pause to peck the bubbling wet sand

Repeat peck repeat

Repeat peck repeat

A well choreographed group tap dance

Those tiny little feet moving in a blur

Leaving no footprints in the sand 

Their leader drills the large group so well

Making the calls to change direction

Deciding which wave to explore

As the group flits along the shore

Old Neptune provides the music

To the rhythm of the crashing waves

His invisible orchestra blasts out fanfares

Background singers hiss in the wet sand

Come take your partners please

Succumb to the scintillatingly sassy Sandpiper seaside salsa