I retired from the energy business in 2014 and started writing poetry. At first I shared my writing with family and friends. Then I set myself a challenge to write a poem every day for a year. After meeting that goal I just kept going and started this blog in 2021. I hope you enjoy reading my poems. Remember happiness is just a state of mind and poetry is great nourishment.
Renne Descartes (1596–1650) founded modern philosophy
He developed cartesian dualism, the metaphysical argument that the mind and body are two different substances which interact with one another
He most famously said in 1637
Cogito ergo sum
I think therefore I am
………………………….
Cheeky Monkey Poetry first emerged in May 2021
Whilst publishing daily poems, the Cheeky Monkey became fascinated by modern philosophy and launched a quest to develop a 21st century branch of cheeky philosophy
He wanted to convey his ideas about life in poems that were funny, satirical, quirky or downright weird
The Cheeky Monkey would stay up really late at night trying to find the perfect catch phrase
He wrote notes to capture his nocturnal ideas, often while sipping a few single malts
Below are some of his notes which he found the morning after every heavy late night thinking session
I drink therefore I am drunk
I stopped drinking therefore I am sober
I dream therefore I am asleep
I wonder therefore I am wonderful
I wander therefore I am lost
I think I write decent poetry therefore I am a boastful writer
I write poetry therefore I am happy
I think an awful lot therefore I am tired
I write a lot therefore I am thinking too much
I think differently therefore I am a cheekymonkey
I think about taking out the trash therefore I am a good husband
I think I forgot to take the trash out therefore I am a bad husband
I think very hard therefore I am a rock
I think all the time therefore I am an under achiever
I think aloud therefore I am alone
I think about nothing therefore I am boring
I think about writing therefore I am wasting writing time
I think I wrote something exceptional therefore I am delusional
By mid 2022 the Cheeky Monkey was struggling to keep up the daily writings and undertake philosophical research at the same time
So he took some time off from daily writings to learn Latin in the hope that he would find the perfect words to describe his new philosophy
He found it too hard to think in Latin
Then he did more research and discovered that Descartes was French
And that he thought and wrote in French the famous line Je pense donc Je suis
Which was then translated first into Latin and then into English
The Cheeky Monkey was more comfortable thinking in French because it is his second language
His major breakthrough came in February 2023 when he formally established Cheeky Monkey dualism with the phrase
Je réfléchis avant d'écrire donc je suis poète
For all you Latin scholars out there
Puto igitur ego sum poeta ante scribo
Hopefully nothing is lost in the translation to English
I think before I write therefore I am a poet
Stay Cheeky and practice your Cheeky Monkey dualism daily!
Hamish asked Andy if it was possible to meet with the eastern shore mafia to discuss some ideas with them
That should not be a problem said Andy
Three regular looking guys came to Andy’s house the next day
They were introduced as Andy’s ‘special friends’
Hamish thanked them for dealing with the Vinny problem
He acknowledged that his own efforts to deal in illegal haggis and whisky had failed miserably
There is only a limited market size for moonshine he said
But having seen the number of tourists guzzling liquor in eastern shore bars
There must be a way to expand your business legally
He asked them how well they knew local politicians
They replied we are well connected at every level in this community
Hamish went on to say you should get the state law changed to allow local licensed distilleries
Have them grant you a license and build one right in the center of town here
It will become a tourist attraction itself with tours and tastings
The state will benefit from huge increases in tax revenue from the distillery sales
Local businesses will have access to discounted liquor
You will not have big distribution costs because your customers are so close
Andy wondered where they could get the expert knowledge needed to make high quality liquor
That’s where we can help said Hamish
If you can get your local congressman to sponsor a bill allowing legal haggis imports into the US
In exchange, will arrange for some of the best skilled distillers to come here from Scotland
They will teach your team all the tricks to make excellent liquor
But there is one more condition we would like in this arrangement
Dougle, myself and Billy will set up a company that gets sole haggis import rights for the US
The Feds can impose a modest import tariff to take their cut
Seems like a win win for everybody said Andy
Billy pointed out that Hamish and Dougle were only in the US on a tourist visa
Thats not a problem said Andy we will get you employment visas as distillery experts
Lets talk it over with our local community leaders and see if it will fly
Three years later the first legal distillery opened on the eastern shore
It was a huge success and he eastern shore mafia shut down all illegal activities to focus on growing legitimate businesses
Vinny was demoted to lower ranks in the New York Mafia and decided to turn into a super-grass to eek out his revenge
The New York mafia was dismantled as its leaders and their lieutenants were all jailed
Billy joined AA and stayed sober
Hamish, Dougle and Billy opened a restaurant in New York, The Haggis Tavern
They sold ‘Lowland’ whisky from the eastern shore
Haggis was the most popular dish on the menu and it became the new American superfood
A whole chain of Haggis Tavern franchises opened up across the US
Scotsmen were able to sample real haggis at Burn’s suppers all over America
Wildfowl hunters on the eastern shore found a new bird to hunt
The haggis chicks that escaped three years ago had adapted well and grown into huge flocks
Hamish and Dougle joined Andy every year for the VIP eastern shore haggis hunt which raised millions for charity
After a successful haggis hunt, Hamish and Dougle were sitting on Andy’s porch sipping brandy and smoking cigars while watching the sunset over the bay
Hamish turned to Dougle and said I have an idea…………
Cheeky Monkey Poetry 