Author: Ian Hunter

I retired from the energy business in 2014 and started writing poetry. At first I shared my writing with family and friends. Then I set myself a challenge to write a poem every day for a year. After meeting that goal I just kept going and started this blog in 2021. I hope you enjoy reading my poems. Remember happiness is just a state of mind and poetry is great nourishment.

Shoelacing blues

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Memories of childhood days

Badly tied but hoping it stays

It was always a race

To tie my worn out shoelace

In just a few strides

The badly tied knot defiantly decides

To come completely become undone

LOOK OUT  cried someone

YOU ARE GOING TO TRIP

As I hop jump and skip

I stepped on my flapping shoelace

Fell flat on my face

Started another race

To tie my worn out shoelace

I sighed with a frown

Decided to slow down

Tied both with a double bow

Pulled the knot real tight and slow

It stayed tight all day

Through walking and running play

Stayed tight during dinner

I declared myself the winner

Parents told me it was now bedtime

Despite my protests and pathetic whine

Shoelace stayed tight up the stairs

Despite my sister’s knowing glares

Then I started to get undressed

My shoelacing skills were put to the test

After a full day of fun

I had to get these shoelaces undone

I tried and tried and kept on trying

But the shoelace was defying

The knot was way too tight

I pulled it with all my might

The shoelace then unceremoniously snapped

My sister sarcasticly clapped

I kicked my shoes under the bed

Nothing more to be said

I decided to dream about a short lacing knot

It was perfected with a tiny loop and a short stop

Woke up the next morning 

I was positive with the new day dawning

I went to put on my old worn out shoes

Expecting to have the short shoelaces blues

Saw my parents smiling faces

My mother had put in new shoelaces

No longer dreading the school bully facing

I was the king of the school with my new shoelacing

Stupid People

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We have all come across stupid people, they mess things up for you, themselves and others. They say you cannot fix stupid but I wondered if anybody had actually studied stupid people. I discovered a man called Carlo M Cipolla, a highly acclaimed academic,  who wrote an essay in 1976 called The Basic Laws Of Human Stupidity.  Here are his five laws:

  1. Always and inevitably, everyone underestimates the number of stupid individuals in circulation.
  2. The probability that a certain person (will) be stupid is independent of any other characteristic of that person.
  3. A stupid person is a person who causes losses to another person or to a group of persons while himself deriving no gain and even possibly incurring losses.
  4. Non-stupid people always underestimate the damaging power of stupid individuals. In particular, non-stupid people constantly forget that at all times and places, and under any circumstances, to deal and/or associate with stupid people always turns out to be a costly mistake.
  5. A stupid person is the most dangerous type of person.

He went on to chart human stupidity against 2 factors;

  • Benefits and losses that an individual causes to him or herself.
  • Benefits and losses that an individual causes to others.

Helpless people contribute to society but are taken advantage of by it (and especially by the “bandit” sector of it); note, however, that extreme altruists and pacifists may willingly and consciously (rather than helplessly) accept a place in this category for moral or ethical reasons

Intelligent people contribute to society and who leverage their contributions into reciprocal benefits

Bandits pursue their own self-interest even when doing so poses a net detriment to societal welfare

Stupid people whose efforts are counterproductive to both their and others’ interests

Those who fall exactly in the middle are deemed Ineffectual People

I had a lot of fun recalling people I have met over time and pinning them on the chart.  Where do the people you know fit?

Poetry in solar sytem motion

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Life on the Sun

Is not much fun

Too hot during the day

Only night dwellers they say

Doctors on Mercury

Perform expert microsurgery

Nothing there incurable

So very mercurial

Folks on Venus

Have never seen us

Far too busy

Keeping themselves prissy 

Inhabitants on Earth

Have excess girth

Living in cities

Designed by committees

People on Mars

Drive fast cars

All shopping for bargains

Those thrifty Martians

Life on Jupiter

Is primeval soupiter

No intelligent life

Bacteria are rife

Its so cold on Saturn

 Everybody has freezer burn

Far from the sun

Must keep your coat on

Prisoners on Uranus

Committed crimes most heinous  

Shedding no tears

While incarcerated for years

Choirs of Neptune

Always sing out of tune

A choral disaster

For a Neptunian choirmaster

Swans mate for life

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A couple sat on a bench beside a canal

A pair of majestic swans glided down the slow moving water

Heads held high and proud as they glanced around

Pausing occasionally to plunge their heads under water

Casually grazing on the vegetation of the canal bed

They swam in unison and were never far apart

Frequently rubbing their heads together in a loving embrace

This pair of swans will stay together for life 

When a swan dies their partner may die of a broken heart

The couple held hands on the bench and watched the swans glide by

Just like the swans they were obviously in love and committed to each other

The average marriage in the US lasts only eight years

But this couple tried hard to make it work

Returning to the same bench every year on their wedding anniversary

Watching the same pair of swans glide by 

Many years later the now middle aged couple sat on the bench

The same pair of elderly swans glided by and paused to greet them

Each couple had raised offspring that had left the nest

But they were still together and enjoying another day at the canal

The moral of this story is simple

If you want a guaranteed lifelong relationship then marry a swan

My mental trash can burst out laughing

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It seems like everybody is on a diet

Or planning to be on a diet

Every other TV commercial is for a diet program or diet product

Supermarket shelves stacked with low cal this and low carb that

I was enjoying a nice dinner party

Until the dinner table conversations were hijacked by dieters

We fast for 16 hours every day

I never eat meat

I have been vegan for decades

Oh we stopped eating carbs years ago

They are so bad for you said the lady next to me

Pointing to the roast potato on my fork

I nodded but ate it anyway

It tasted so good

I could hear the potato whispering to me

Ignore that dumb potato hating woman next to you

Just eat me and enjoy

I ate more potatoes

I smiled at the potato hater

She looked way too thin and wrinkly

I bet her shelves are full of diet books

Nothing tasty ever comes out of her kitchen

She is on a crusade to get everyone to join her diet cult

Well I am sorry lady but I am not signing up

I enjoy eating and drinking a lot more than dieting

She keeps droning on and on about dieting so I stop listening

I let my mind wander

I decided to invent my own form of dieting

You can eat and drink anything you want

At any time of day or night as you please

But your mind is on a strict diet

You are only allowed to think nice thoughts

No negative thinking allowed whatsoever

Sure you can hear people say negative things

But their words are not allowed to stay in your head

Those words go straight into your mental trash can

You can certainly look at dieting commercials 

Knowing that it all goes into your mental trash can

With time your memory banks become exclusively positive

Even your imagination is consistently happy and playful

I must write a book about all this

It will be a best seller for sure

In the meantime I decide to go back to the dinner table conversation

The lady next to me is still jabbering away about her diet

I watch all her spoken words fall in my mental trash can

I decide to put more roast potatoes on my plate

There is still one left in the dish so I offer it to her with a cheeky monkey grin

She is stunned into a jaw dropping silence

My mental trash can burst out laughing

Hollywood nights

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Hair done

Makeup applied

Bright lipstick

Red dress

Diamond necklace

High heels

Black limousine

Back seat

Hired date

Fake couple

Red carpet

Smiling poses

Flash photography

Gala night

Round tables

Familiar faces

Hello darling

Hollow talk

Drinks flowing

Awful wine

Matching people

Meal served

Rubber chicken

Bad catering

Polite smiles

Meal over

Long speeches

More drinking

Charity auction

Drunks bidding

Bored yawn

Call me

Lets meet

Do lunch

False promises

Fake smiles

Say goodbyes 

Hired date

Off duty

Limousine home

All alone

Robe on

Shoes off

Sore feet

Couch calling

Snuggle time

With cat

Pour nightcap

One sip

Fall asleep

Dream time

Repeat often

Hollywood nights

Paradise lost

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Bread buttered

Filling added

Sandwiches made

Snacks added

Wine packed

Blanket selected

Car loaded

Journey starts

Busy traffic

City streets

Moving faster

Countryside views

Radio playing

Summertime music

Parking car

Riverside trail

Carrying basket

Holding hands

River bank

Shady tree

Laying blanket

Opening wine

Sharing sandwiches

Sipping wine

River flowing

Birds singing

Fish jumping

Laughter sounds

Finish eating

More wine

Loving embrace

More wine

Long kiss

More wine

Eyes closed

Holding hands

Heavenly bliss

Found paradise

Loud noise

Alarm clock

Waking up

Dream over

Empty bed

Dark outside

Feeling cold

Mid winter

Snow falling

Dressing quick

Breakfast snatched

Frantic commute

Arrive workplace

Co-workers nod

Work begins

Paradise lost 

Attention all bounty hunters

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I like to wake up early

Harness the power of the morning

Get big things done before breakfast

And some more soon after

Leaving almost the entire day left for other challenges

Sometimes it does not work out

When I am sick for example

Even a mild sickness like a cold can disrupt my morning time

Laying in bed late today after a restless night of coughing and sneezing

I tested negative for Covid a few days ago which left me elated

But a simple cold virus still knocked me down

Unable to capture my morning today

I watched it slide away from me

Like a drifting ship in a light breeze

Quickly out of my reach but still visible

Teasing me for not getting aboard earlier

Looking out of my window

I see early morning joggers and cyclists returning home now

Reminding me that I missed boarding my own exercising boat today

My bike hangs on the wall waiting for me

He is giving me that sad puppy eyes look

I will have to avoid his gaze for the rest of the day

With low energy and feeling fatigued 

Even writing becomes a tiring task

My fingers groan at every keystroke

My mind is in a fog and refuses to unlock my imagination

I suspect my imagination has been put into mandatory isolation

For fear that he too could be infected with my cold virus

I wonder if this is an early taste of very old age

When your body is no longer able to keep you active

And your mind is too weary let your imagination run riot in your head

Shudder the thought

Its too soon to surrender my eternal youth

I have so much more to do before surrendering to old age

In the meantime I am putting up a wanted poster

For all you bounty hunters out there

Wanted

Ian’s morning

Recently escaped

Reward only if captured alive

Try magic

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So you find yourself almost penniless

Spend everything left on lottery tickets

The repair shop gives you a huge estimate

Fix your car yourself with duct tape

Don’t worry about that leaky roof

Just do a no-rain dance

Lost your job

Maybe you will find it soon

Taking too long to read that book

Skip to the last few pages

You forgot your anniversary

Maybe your wife will forget it too

Your cellphone just broke

Perhaps it will repair itself

That recipe was a total disaster

Have a fasting day

Your house burned down

Too late to buy home insurance now

When you are completely down on your luck

Pray for a miracle

If all else fails

Try magic