rain drops
bountiful crops
floods prevail
crops fail
sun shines
grapes wine
sun bakes
desert makes
wind blows
oxygen flows
wind roars
damage occurs
politician sneezes
stockmarket freezes
dictator talks
investors balk
terrorists attack
markets crash
Profits galore
Markets soar
wife fertile
husband’s smile
new dawn
baby born
butterfly flits
life exists
butterfly tires
plant transpires
butterfly dies
sad goodbyes
my name is Gerry and I am a crow
we are members of the corvid family
my cousins are ravens jays and magpies
us crows are very intelligent birds
smarter than some primates
probably smarter than a lot of humans
if you see us all falling about laughing
its probably over the dumb antics of a human
we do get a bad rap from other birds
I admit that we occasionally steal their eggs
but they always lay plenty more
to be sure their own species survives
crows are despised by humans
they use our name to insult women
we crows are much more civilized
I married Dahlia three years ago
I would never stoop so low to call her an old human
we are a devoted couple and will stay together for life
unlike other birds who are polygamous
you will never see a crow at a bird swapping party
why do so many humans cheat on their partners
no wonder almost half human marriages end in divorce
we crows are civilized and live together in a family group
our sentries keep a lookout for owls and hawks
humans call a group of crows a murder
another example of how rude they can be
we crows use tools to get food
dropping hard shells onto rocks for example
some humans cannot even open a can of beans
humans are so wasteful with their food
we know how to open trashcans to get their leftovers
our ancestors were persecuted by humans
they tried to shoot us all to extinction
crows would never participate in such ethnic cleansing
we got smart and moved to the cities and suburbs
nobody shoots crows in urban areas
we often witness humans shooting each other though
It was a quiet suburban street
Well maintained houses and nearly trimmed gardens
Folks were leaving for work
Susan said goodbye as her husband left for the office
She worked from home doing IT assignments
Preferring those stand alone work packages
Which can be done without people interactions
She worked late at night leaving her daytimes free
Susan was still in her pajamas when she put on the VR headset
A few moments later she was in a remote Scottish castle
Moving from room to room looking for other characters
She found her gaming friend John in the dining room
Hey I missed you he said giving her a virtual kiss
There were no other characters in the castle today
What would you like to do today asked John
Lets have a big feast with music and dancing
With a few commands on their keyboards they added more characters
Servers filled the table with delicious food
A piper played highland music
Traditional Scottish dancers twirled around
Susan sat next to John at the head of the table
They were King and Queen for the day
Everybody was happy and having fun
Suddenly there was screaming
English Redcoat soldiers burst in and mayhem erupted
Swords and daggers flashed in hand to hand combat
John picked up a sword to protect Susan
He ran the sword through an approaching Redcoat
Susan watched in horror as blood sprayed from a gaping wound
She was terrified even in this virtual world
Somebody had hacked into their game and was taking control
She turned to John just as he was stabbed in the heart
The Redcoats ran away as she tried to tend to John
He looked at her with sad eyes and said “I love you Susan”
When John slipped away she could not bear it any longer
She ripped off the VR headset and was plunged back into the reality of her home office
It was such a relief to escape the horrors of what she just witnessed
Catching her breath as she went to the kitchen for a glass of water
As she filled the glass she noticed the blood on her hands and all over her pajamas
I had a very memorable dream last night
I was flying an aircraft
not just any old aircraft
I was flying at supersonic speeds in Concorde
not as a high fare paying passenger
I was piloting this elegant bird
it was a very vivid and lucid dream
I was complimented on my excellent piloting skills
and received an award for being the longest serving Concorde pilot
upon waking I researched dream meanings
of course there are so many different interpretations
I picked the once I liked best
my life is so good and the sky is the limit
then I did some more research on the Concorde program
it was a joint collaboration between the British and the French
I spent over 40 years working in Anglo/French companies
Concorde was financial disaster which huge cost overruns
I decided not to make comparisons on this
it mainly served the transatlantic routes
I have lived in both Europe and the US
It was retired in 2003 as it was financially unsustainable
my first marriage ended in 2003
all of this is valuable material for psychologists
some found that people who have lucid dreams
are less anxious
have excellent motor skills
are great problem solvers
are very creative
some psychologists would surely be asking the question
why does a senior person yearn to fly an expensive noisy gas guzzling dinosaur
I have decided to make my own concluding interpretation of this dream
I have escaped to enjoy limitless freedom in my life
I hope Captain Cheeky Monkey flies again soon
all aboard
sweet dreams my friends
the light switch flicks on
to bathe me in light
and will equally switch off
to plunge me into darkness
always obedient
never judgmental
totally dependable
the light switch never lets me down
patiently waiting
happy in either state
non discriminatory
welcomes anybody to operate it
then came the smart switch
voice operated by Alexa
void of human touch
this switch has a brain
to control its actions
but brains can be unreliable
they don’t always hear what is actually said
Alexa turn on the bedroom light I command
I don’t know that skill she answers
I tell her she is not so smart
she thanks me for the feedback
I start to curse Alexa
as she gives me really smart answers
but the light stays off
in desperation I unplug the smart switch
revert to manual control
the light switch lives again
forgiving my foray into the smart world
obeying every flick of my finger
without ever answering back
smarter than a smart switch
I love my light switch
I thought about going for a bike ride
then the rain started
She brought out her honeydo list
the rain came down heavier
after a while I got near the end of her list
It was still raining hard
she added more things to her list
the heavy rain continued
a flash flood alert on my phone
the heavy rain continued
never-ending honeydo alert in my mind
suddenly the rain stopped
the back yard was flooded
the flash flood alert was extended
too risky to take a drive into town
the rain started again
I went into the garage for some tools
It was real stay in your man-cave weather
I turned on the TV in the garage
70’s rock videos drowned out the sound of the rain
I decided to sit in her Mini Cooper S
the yard flooded more
My first car was a Mini back in 1972
I turned up the TV volume
Led Zeppelin took me back to my youth
I don’t remember it raining so much back in those days
the sun shone all summer long
I drove my Mini everywhere back then
it was my little 70’s chick magnet
finally the rain stopped
steam started rising from the roadway
the flooding out back started to subside
memories flooded my mind
Deep purple sang “Smoke On The Water”
I was eighteen when that song came out
the garage door opened and she stood in the doorway smiling
how long have you been hiding in here? she asked
Since 1972 I replied
it must have been raining for 53 years
I have been so fortunate to travel extensively
exploring many places and seeing spectacular sights
tasting some incredible food along the way
the pandemic put a big damper on all travel
I had to find other ways to satisfy my travel urges
travel documentaries are fun but its not the same as being there
I seem to gravitate toward travel shows with a culinary theme
then the penny dropped
I can still travel around the world while staying at home
I just have to eat my way to different places
some nice fresh sushi sends me to Japan
moussaka magically has me mingling in Greece
nasi goreng has me noodling around Indonesia
swedish meatballs send me to Sweden
a rice and beans dish races me to Mexico
pho floats me all the way to Vietnam
pizza and ice cream puts me firmly in Italy
Irish stew with a Guinness has me shipped to Ireland
kibbeh kicks me over to Lebanon
ceviche has me salivating in Peru
I can sip a fine port and be pondering in Portugal
a spicy chicken vindaloo curry whisks me off to India
magret de canard with a glass of Bordeaux makes me go to France
tapas takes me straight to Spain
moules frites has me mulling around Belgium
doner kebab delivers me to Turkey
poutine has me plodding around Canada
hot dogs heroically have me habitating in USA
Peking duck propels me to China
roast beef dinners religiously deliver me to England
haggis and a fine single malt heave me all the way to Scotland
pad Thai puts me perfectly into Thailand
dim sums deliberately drive me to Hong Kong
when my travel belly gets really big and pendulous
I check myself into solitary confinement for some dreary travel free dieting
Men like to shop fast
Planning their attack
Like a hunting expedition
Identifying the prey in advance
A quick territorial raid
Then a swift kill before a rapid retreat
Women prefer to shop slowly
Making long lists in advance
But stopping to browse at everything
Picking things up to feel, smell and shake them
Often changing their minds
Buying groceries is akin to picking berries in a field
How long will a man stay calm
When shopping with his partner
Usually half an hour at most
Boredom is replaced by frustration
He will typically seek an escape
I’ll wait for you in the car honey
Most couples shop individually
Wives left to browse the aisles alone
Husbands at home shop on line
Thats the beauty of Amazon
Its available whenever a man wants
Watching football and killing a shirt at half time
The wife lugs bulging bags back home
While he watches the end of the game
She expects praise for her thrifty gatherings
Holding up each item with reverence
Look at this great shirt I got for you honey
He stabs his phone and secretly cancels the Amazon shirt
I just finished
All my spinach
Been a tussle
Growing muscle
Wannabe a tough guy
Biceps like Popeye
Despite the toil
Limbs like Olive Oyl
Its a mortal sin
Arms stayed so thin
Belly is fat
Instead of flat
Mr Universe dream
Ran out of steam
Fat ass now on couch
500 reps of slouch
Diet stuck in first gear
Open another beer
pass the remote
Snacks down throat
Wearing loose clothes
Over my speedos
imagine a piece of colored fabric on a pole
not very powerful objects you might think
but if they are of a certain shape and color they can
instill patriotism to an entire nation
be a symbol of pride freedom
announce a pending attack by pirates
declare a total surrender in battle
signal an infringement in a soccer match
locate the position of underwater scuba divers
stop an American football game for a penalty
strike fear over those conquered in battle
show a supporter’s allegiance to his favorite sporting team
mark the hole on a golf course
signal the end of a motor sports race
declare a beach unsafe for swimmers
inspire men to lay down their lives in war
be the focus of a remembrance ceremony
honor the passing of somebody
advertise a product or service
communicate by semaphore
a flag is so powerful yet its only a piece of colored fabric on a pole
Cheeky Monkey Poetry 