I bought a pomegranate

I was determined to make a recipe

Humus sprinkled with pomegranate

Not be that difficult I assumed

But I had no idea how to open it

Watched a YouTube video

Looked so easy

Slice open the top

Peel it off

Seeds spilled into a bowl

Slice along sides

Peel it open like petals

Seeds dropped into a bowl

Looked ever so simple

I took a really sharp knife

Sliced around the top

Everything was looking good

I pulled off the top

It took some effort

The top popped off eventually

Pomegranate seeds shot in all directions

On the walls, floor and ceiling

All over my clothes too

Hardly any dropped into the bowl

I went onto the petal slicing stage

It seemed to be working better

Until I pulled the petals back

Then I detonated a pomegranade

Red blood seeds flying through the air

Instant massacre movie scene

Without the Valentine’s day machine guns

Hours of wiping and cleaning

But the blood red stains persisted

No need for forensic magic lighting

The kitchen was permanently blood stained

So was my reputation

And hardly any seeds made it to the bowl

They should rename that video how to explode a pomegranade