I have never grown a beard

Often daydreaming of having one

Being released from the daily chore of shaving

No more razor nicks and bloody faces

I want a long flowing beard

Like a ZZ Top rock star

It will be my manly badge of honor

Opening new doors for me

Acting in craft beer commercials

Hired for Santa jobs at Christmas

I will bond with other bearded men

Get some ugly massive tattoos

Buy a Harley Davidson

But what about my balding head

Should I still shave that daily

Or let the non-balding parts grow wild

To match my grizzly facial hair

Perhaps a braided pony tail

The possibilities are endless

There is however one big obstacle

Something of a major beard roadblock

If I skip shaving for a single day

My stubble feels incredibly irritating

I have on a very few occasions

Reached a second day without shaving

That double stubble becomes unbearably itchy

It inevitably never gets grown into a third day

Nothing like a smooth shaved face

I guess I will never be a craft beer TV star

ZZ Top will never ask me to join their band

I will not be wearing a red suit and frightening children at Christmas

Harley Davidson sales will plummet

Tattoo parlors will go out of business

Now is the time to buy stock in razor blade manufacturers

No more double stubble trouble