they say you should reduce your carbon footprint

I don’t recall ever stepping into carbon 

apparently its about your carbon emissions

perhaps all farts should be filtered to remove CO2

I am pretty sure I grew up eating gluten free

because the word gluten had not been invented then

we never ate anything called organic either

but we did buy fresh vegetables from the pig poo smelly farm

they say you can’t have your cake and eat it

who wants to buy a cake and NOT eat it

well I suppose it happens in my house sometimes

my wife once bought a cake but I ate it all

what is the point of saying everything happens for a reason

so that tree fell on his car for a reason

like he deserved it for being such a cheating husband

did the suicidal leaping tree feel sorry for his wife 

you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink

I have never led a horse anywhere

I suspect a horse knows when he is thirsty

and then he would lead you to water

why do people say whatsup when they greet you

did they totally forget that the sky is up

are their eyes incapable of seeing above them

just tell them “up” is the direction of a higher place

why do loving couples communicate like infants

wifey tells hubby I wuv my wittle babypoo

hubby says hey sweetums want a drinky winky

their embarrassed kids should tell them to grow up and talk like adults

are people really laughing out loud when they text LOL

I never saw an ass fall off somebody laughing

lets stop talking words altogether and just abbreviate

IMO BRB OMG LMAO IDK ILY WTF