Month: February 2024

Same word different meaning

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……………………….

The brat farted in the mist and gifted a kiss before he bit a cookie and ate salsa which made him barf

……………………………………………..

You probably think of a brat as an unruly child,  in Russia it means a brother or a friend like a bro

Mention of a fart usually brings laughter but in German fahrt means journey

Mist conjures up images of dewy mornings but in German it means manure

Everybody likes to receive a gift but its the word for poison in German

Its very romantic to invite somebody to kiss you but in Sweden kiss is the word for urine

We all like to bite into a cookie.  In France bite means penis,  in Hungary a cookie is a small penis

Salsa is great with chips. However in Korean salsa means diarrhea

Nobody looks forward to a large barf except in Farsi its the word for snowfall

…………………………………………………….

Your bro went on a journey through the manure and poison urine. His penis was a small penis and he had diarrhea in a snowfall

………………………….

The cruel teacher and the little Beatle

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I grew up in very low income community near Liverpool

I did not enjoy my schooldays mainly because the teachers were not very pleasant

The class sizes were large, we had almost fifty kids in mine

A fair number of them behaved badly so it was a constant battle for the teachers to maintain any kind of order

The teachers probably hated their jobs and dreamed of teaching in a school with better behaved kids

The Beatles were hitting fame when I was ten years old and my sister played their music at home

I fell in love with the Beatles sound and wanted to be just like them

I grew my hair long to imitate their looks

I wore a grey polo neck sweater and carried around an acoustic guitar

It had no strings but it was better that playing an air guitar

I remember clearly one day at school

The teacher was trying to explain how education was the foundation for our future lives and how important it was to work hard and learn

I was sitting at the back of the class and the kids around me were chatting away ignoring him

He blew up in a rage yelling silence silence and stormed towards us

He picked on me and dragged me to the front of the class

He proceed to tell the class that I was an example of somebody who was failing at school

He predicted that I would continue to fail and would eventually leave school without any qualifications and be doomed to work my entire adult life in low paid jobs

He criticized my appearance and said it was a symbol of me being a bad student

He told all the other kids that they should work hard in school or they would end up being losers like me

I felt angry that he had picked on me and humiliated because I did not believe I was part of the unruly gang in my class

My parents were much better role models than that cruel teacher

Thanks to them I did well at that school and was one of only two in my class to pass the academic test for eleven year olds to enter a school that groomed us for university

All the other kids went to a school which steered them towards blue collar employment

I eventually became an engineer and had a successful career

In later years I thought about going back to that school to find that teacher and tell him how wrong he was about me

Next time I visited the area I discovered that my school had been demolished

Cruel teacher, bad school but a good little Beatle

900 Cheeky Monkeys!!!!!

Ian Hunter4 Comments
Photo by George Becker on Pexels.com

Cheeky Monkey has just passed 900 pieces of writing!

What started out as a poem a day challenge has morphed into a long term literary love affair

Its been a sweet ride for most of the time

A few bumps in the road have interrupted the flow

But the Cheeky Monkey keeps on rolling along

Sometimes its a short story

Other times its a travel blog

Occasionally is a beautiful piece of original poetry

Mostly its just random thoughts slipping from my mind onto the page

I get my inspiration from what I see daily and my reflections on life in general

Having been on the planet for almost three score and ten years does help

I have collected a lot of memories along the way

Now its your turn to have them bouncing around inside your head

You may not like all of them but hopefully you can find something amusing or meaningful

A big shout out to Addison and Abby for creating and managing the Cheeky Monkey website

And of course to my proof reader and chief censor Karen

She has saved me from the embarrassment of many a bad tale I wrote 

Without her the Cheeky Monkey would often be running to the hills to hide in shame

So now lets take a few moments to explore the magic of reaching 900, a number which is linked to angels

The ultimate meaning of angel number 900 centers around balance and refocus

Your angels are signaling that you should take a look at your life and see which areas need more balance

This could be in the area of work, relationships, or any other part of your life

Your angels are reminding you to take the time to reassess your priorities and create a plan for yourself

When it comes to achieving balance in your life, it’s important to focus on the things that will bring you joy

Like The Cheeky Monkey?

Angel Number 900 brings a message from your angels that the Universal Source fully supports your life purpose and soul mission

Listen to your intuition as your angels are constantly by your side giving you messsages and guidance

Pay attention to what you are feeling and doing and listen to what your intuition is telling you in the present moment

If things are not right for you, change them in ways that are more aligned with your personal truths, views, opinions and principles

Listen to yourself and take action accordingly

Only you know what is right for you and only you can make it so

Angel Number 900 may be seen as a prompt to devote yourself to your personal spiritual path

Listen to what your heart tells you

Stay Cheeky my friends!

Nothing

Ian Hunter1 Comment

I recently got struck down with the flu

when I say struck down I mean like a bolt of lightening

I was feeling fine then suddenly it hit me

severe aches and a raging fever

fortunately that part only lasted for four days

during which time I did absolutely NOTHING

apart from sleeping

I ate almost NOTHING

short of a few grunts I said NOTHING

my brain hurt so I gave up thinking

my thoughts turned to NOTHING

eventually I got up and sat on the couch doing NOTHING

being retired I just cleared my schedule and filled it with NOTHING

telling folks I was busy all week was easy until they asked what with

NOTHING sounds like a bad reason to blow somebody off

hopefully they understood and thought NOTHING of it

I tried writing but could only think about NOTHING

I remembered the Billy Preston song about NOTHING

it was more of an equation really

NOTHING from NOTHING leaves NOTHING

he could have expressed that equation in many ways

NOTHING times NOTHING is NOTHING

NOTHING plus NOTHING is NOTHING

however I remembered that ANYTHING divided by NOTHING equals INFINITY

that’s why Billy Preston did not sing about division

so drifting away from mathematics and into philosophy

what do you give somebody who needs NOTHING?

answer- give them NOTHING because they will appreciate that

of course you can give ANYTHING to a person who has NOTHING

well maybe not ANYTHING like an infectious disease or some stolen goods

but if you gave them SOMETHING nice it would be better than NOTHING

NOTHING much happened since I decided to do NOTHING every day

NOTHING could stop me from doing NOTHING

the more I did NOTHING then I realized there is NOTHING I like better

you never get tired doing NOTHING and its very economical because it costs NOTHING

you cannot be accused of being an under achiever if you aim to do NOTHING

because there is NOTHING less than NOTHING

in fact if you set out to do NOTHING then you can easily meet your goal by doing NOTHING

you could start a whole movement being followed by people wanting to do NOTHING

form the NOTHING political party that promises to do NOTHING in office

NOTHING bad will ever happen if you are NOTHING President of the NOTHING party

wake up every day and you will find NOTHING in the news

no wars, no mass shootings, no climate change, no pandemic just NOTHING

turn on the TV to find NOTHING being streamed

check your emails and find NOTHING in your inbox

don’t bother to check in on social NOTHING media

go out to a bar and order NOTHING

have a double NOTHING and you will feel NOTHING, great for sobriety

order NOTHING for dinner and save all those calories

Wear NOTHING and there will be NOTHING to put in the laundry basket

Listen to NOTHING and protect your hearing

say NOTHING on your deathbed and leave this world with NOTHING

that’s NOTHING more than you came into the world with

which proves that NOTHING plus NOTHING equals NOTHING

I wonder if Billy Preston solved that equation before he died

Kevin the cough – part 7 The cough mob (finale)

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Billy rushed round again to find out was was going on

Not to worry Kevin, I’ll be back tomorrow when that suited cough comes back

The suit came back and served an eviction notice on Janet who was very upset

Billy followed the suit who met up with the head ACPB placement officer

They were in a coughbar and Billy managed to get within coughearshot

Did you serve all the coughpapers like I asked you?

Yes boss they both have cougheviction notices

OK but we have to get some smarter coughs in there soon

One’s that will find a way to get Ralph and Suzanne coughsmoking again

We are getting a cut of their coughtobacco spending from the coughmanufacturer

If they found out our coughs helped them quit we are in big coughtrouble

Billy went back to Kevin and told him what he just heard

Just sit tight Kevin and I will send some of the coughboys round to protect you and Janet

I will also find a way to solve those cougheviction notices

The next day a dozen coughs came round, Kevin knew them all from his schoolcoughdays

They formed a 24/7 coughsecurity perimeter around Ralph and Suzanne

Janet was relieved to see friendly coughs protecting them

Meanwhile the head of the ACPB placement team got a coughphone call

We just learned that two of your coughs persuaded their hosts to quit

I am sending round one of my guys to do a full coughaudit of the coughlist

You better cooperate with Vinnie or things will get coughugly

Vinnie came into the ACPB office the next day

You know why I am here don’t you?

Yes its because we messed up and two coughfolks quit smoking

So lets do an audit to see if there are others on that list said Vinnie

They proceeded to go through thousands of names over the next few days

Verifying ongoing cigarette sales records against each coughindividual

OK said Vinnie, It would appear that 17 folks should have dropped off the coughlist

You are going to pay back fifty times the annual coughkickback you get for all those 

Remember the coughdeal we have, you place mild coughs in every smoker to stop them coughquitting

We sell more cigarettes and you get a coughcut…. WIN-COUGH-WIN

But if you put stupid coughs in smokers who then quit you gotta pay a big coughpenalty 

I’ll be back tomorrow at noon to pick up the coughcash

Vinnie left and the ACPB guy started making coughphone calls to raise the coughcash

He knew he had to pay otherwise Vinnie could get coughviolent

Plus he wanted to keep those coughbribes coming in to finance his own coughaddiction habit

The next day Vinnie showed up looking for the coughmoney

The ACPB guy and his corrupt crew were all there waiting

Vinnie growled you got the coughmoney? and the ACPB guy opened a coughbag of coughnotes

Just then the door burst open and a COUGHSWAT team rushed in coughweapons drawn

NOBODY MOVE THIS IS THE COUGH B I !!! YOU ARE ALL UNDER COUGHARREST!!!!

They were all coughcuffed except Vinnie who opened his coughjacket to show a coughwire

The Cough B I boss smiled at Vinnie and said well done Billy!

There was a purge of all coughcorrupt coughofficers in the ACPB 

Kevin and Janet got letters of coughapology from the ACPB coughPresident

All the delinquent smoker’s coughs we either coughretrained or coughreplaced

Baby cough had seven coughbrothers and coughsisters

Janet gave lectures and did the coughtalk-show rounds on coughparenting

Ralph and Suzanne opened a non-smoking bar called the COUGHBGONE serving coughtails

Billy formed the smoker’s coughunion and gave seminars to coughs on how to help your host quit

Kevin was awarded the NOBEL COUGH PRIZE

Kevin the cough – part 6 The plan

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Kevin did not know what to do so he sent a message for Billy who came round fast

Hey Kevin this is a really difficult situation you got going on man

Its strictly forbidden for any cough to have a relationship like this

They only allow it if both hosts are living together already

So what am I going to do? asked Kevin

Janet is going to have a baby and her host is single

Well there is only one way to make this work said Billy

We have to get Ralph and Suzanne hooked up

Then you and Janet can be together 24/7

Billy whispered the details to Kevin

Next time Ralph was with his drinking friends, Kevin made sure he coughed a lot

Especially when his friends were talking

They got very annoyed and told Ralph to get his cough checked out

Ralph agreed to go see his doctor and of course he had another coughing fit there

The doc asked Ralph how much he smoked and rolled his eyes

Look Ralph let me put this clear and straight to you

Give up smoking immediately and start exercising

Eat healthier food and cut down on the booze

Otherwise you will be dead soon, this lifestyle is killing you

Ralph went into shock and quit smoking immediately

He took on a personal trainer who gave him a healthy eating plan

Within six weeks Ralph was looking like a new man

He even had a haircut and bought some new clothes

He still went to the same bar but drank lite beer instead of hard liquor

All his friends were making fun of the new Ralph

The commotion caught the attention of Suzanne the cute bartender

She called Ralph over saying I need to ask you something

Whispering to him can you help me give up smoking because its done wonders for you

Sure I will Suzanne, come round and see me after work

And so a friendship developed between the two of them

Allowing Kevin and Janet to spend a lot of time together

A few months later Suzanne developed a little baby cough

Kevin was now a proud dad and deliriously happy

Suzanne moved in with Ralph and they were all two big happy coughing families

The years passed without any drama and baby cough grew bigger

One day a cough showed up in a suit asking for Kevin

Handing him an envelope saying you have been served

Inside there was an eviction notice

You gotta leave soon because your placement is being terminated 

I’ll be back tomorrow to serve papers to Janet said the suited cough

Kevin the cough – part 5 The love affair

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Kevin signed the contract and reported for duty the next day

A temporary cough was waiting for him with Ralph

This is not a difficult gig said the temporary cough

Remember to make him cough a lot when he wakes up or exercises

And when he overdoes it smoking weed

Otherwise be gentle on him and let him enjoy life

I think I can handle that said Kevin

Good luck then said the temporary cough as he left

Kevin now had a new host and he checked out Ralph’s apartment

The kitchen was a mess with mostly beer in the fridge

Ashtrays overflowed everywhere and the place had a funny smell

A mixture of stale beer and yesterday’s pizza

Ralph shuffled around in a dressing gown like the big Lebowski

Maybe I am in a move set though Kevin

Ralph made coffee and rolled a joint while watching TV news

He pulled out his phone to read a text Pool challenge 1pm be there!

Ralph took a ridiculously long shower

Stepping out frequently to take a hit on a joint

Then he got dressed and wandered down toward the local bar

Kevin felt Ralph was struggling on a hill so he made him cough

There were three dudes at the bar waiting for Ralph

Friendly insults were thrown before they started their pool challenge

Kevin popped out to join the other coughs at the bar

Oh you are the new cough for Ralph said Eddy

Welcome to the gang and they all high fived

We meet up here regularly so you are going to have fun

Kevin noted the cute bartender was coughing a lot

Wait till you meet Suzanne’s cough said Eddy, she is a real stunner

Then out pops Suzanne’s cough heading straight to Kevin

Hi my name is Janet and you must be Ralph’s new cough

Kevin was mesmerized by this beautiful creature 

Er er yes I am Kevin he stuttered as she smiled and gave him a big hug

It was love at first sight for Kevin

He was on cloud nine and they chatted endlessly

Looks like you hit it off with Janet said Eddy

Kevin just smiled and popped back into Ralph who was ready to leave

Ralph went home to smoke a couple of joints and then fell asleep in front of the TV

Kevin noted that Ralph rarely ate at all which was what he was so thin

He was not in bad shape for a full time hippy but he did smoke a lot

A few days later Kevin saw Janet back at the bar while Ralph was playing poker

I have 30 mins off for lunch Kevin, lets step out in the alley for a breath of fresh air

Soon they were kissing passionately, Kevin was in heaven 

Fortunately Ralph frequented that bar often and the love affair blossomed

The next time they stepped into the Alley, Janet said I have something to tell you Kevin

I am coughpregnant

Kevin the cough – part 4 The placement

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Billy took Kevin down to the Adult Cough Placement Bureau

They went through a maize of corridors and unmarked doors

Eventually reaching the application for placement office

Billy explained they make it hard to find to make sure applicants are motivated

Kevin took a number and waited to be called

Just tell them you are done with being a juvenile cough

Say you must have an adult host soon or you are going to give up being a cough

Kevin figured out that you had to push these folks

His number was called and he went to the desk

At first the clerk was reluctant to give him the forms

Saying he needed more experience in juvenile coughing

Kevin did as Billy said and threatened to give up coughing

The clerk handed Kevin a bunch of forms

Lets fill them out now said Billy

He coached Kevin on what to write 

Explaining that short term cough gigs were almost impossible to get

Making sure he did not get placed with a lonely old lady

Kevin painted a false picture of himself as a rebel cough up for adventure

Somebody willing to take risks and new challenges

Billy read through his forms and grinned with approval

Kevin handed in the forms and was told to come back next week

He went back to his teenage host hoping it would be short term

Looking at how badly these adolescents behaved made him sad

They used to cute adorable kids a few years ago

Now they shitty little monsters giving their loving parents hell

Kevin was extra annoying to his teenage host all week

Soon he was back at the ACPB in the waiting room

He was called back to meet with a senior cough officer

OK Kevin I understand that you are desperate to leave the junior cough world

Its time for me to move on and I am committed to the change

Well as long as you understand this is going to be a long term placement

No more cough hopping or casual coughing

Once you sign up its no turning back

Just show me where to sign please

OK we have assigned you to a 50 yearly guy called Ralph

He is an aging hippy who chain smokes and drinks a lot

His resident cough got to retire so there is a vacancy

I’ll take it said Kevin eagerly

Before you sign you must understand that your cough ID will be changed

No longer will it say ‘mildly irritating’ it will be changed to ‘smoker’s’

Kevin took a deep breath 

Smoker’s coughs were regarded as outcasts by the cough community

The only social contacts they have are with other smoker’s coughs

So whats it going to be Kevin?

Kevin the cough – part 3 The education

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Kevin thanked Billy and said he was going to start school

Enjoy and hope to see you in the playground Kevin

Billy went back to find another 10 year old 

Kevin found himself a first day at school host

He soon settled into the routine of school life

Doing his best not to annoy his host too much

He bonded with all the other coughs at school

There were usually five or six in each class

Sometimes they conspired to disrupt a lesson for fun

Inducing a cough in every host kid at the exact same time

Usually when the teacher was starting to say something

Inevitably the teacher would blame the kids for doing this on purpose

And they would be sent out of the classroom for punishment

One day after school Kevin was with his 7 year old host

The kid was supposed to stay inside the yard and play but he wandered outside

Kevin saw he was about to cross the street without looking

He sprung into action and ran up the windpipe to block off his airway

The kid could not breathe and stood still just as a car went by inches from him

Kevin unblocked the airway and the kid gasped loudly

He had saved the boy and hoped he had learned a lesson

Kevin moved along to a 12 year old host who was being bullied

The kid did not want to tell his parents and wanted stand up to the bully

Unfortunately the Bully was was bigger and each day the kid lost the fight

Kevin knew he had to do something to help the kid beat the bully

Next time they fought, Keven went inside the bully and started kicking his lungs hard

The Bully started coughing and Kevin kicked harder

The kid was able seize on the hesitation and knocked the bully down

Tears flowed from the bully and the rest of the kids cheered

That was the end of bullying in that school

Time marched on and Kevin was soon with older kids

He did not enjoy being with teenagers

Hormonal moodiness and rebellious behavior was no fun at all

Especially the underage drinking and throwing up 

He met with his friend Billy and asked for advice

Billy you gotta help me get away from these spotty teenagers

How do I find an adult host?

Well its more complicated because you cannot pop into them like with kids

You have to apply for a placement and wait for a transfer approval

How on earth do I do all that Billy?

You have to go to the ACPB and make an application

What is the ACPB Billy?

Adult Cough Placement Bureau 

Sounds like a Bureaucratic nightmare Billy, will you come with me tomorrow?

Kevin the cough – part 2 The cough-along

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Kevin turned round to see another cough on the stairs

Hi I am Billy and I am with the 10 year old

Hi Billy I am Kevin and just arrived with the baby

Lets go hang out and watch some TV

They stole some snacks and put on Netflix at low volume

Let watch an action movie said Kevin, its too quiet inside that baby all day

How long you been doing the baby circuit asked Billy

All my life, its all I can remember doing but its getting boring

You should move up to older kids and have more fun

I am afraid of older kids medication hurting me said Kevin

We have ways of dealing with that so don’t worry Kevin

Seriously you should find an older kid and go to school with him

Get yourself a free education in the process

Kevin was not sure, it was well outside his comfort zone

Billy suggested Kevin go with him tomorrow for a cough-along

The two of them inside the 10 year old for the day

Just so Kevin could get a feel for it

Kevin agreed and the next morning he popped inside the boy with Billy

Once the kid was dropped off at school he ran to the playground with his friends

OK lets pop out Kevin and chill with the rest of the gang

The coughs grouped together while their hosts played before school started

Listen up said Billy I want you all to meet Kevin this is his first day with older kids

Welcome aboard Kevin said another cough, we won’t be hazing you so relax

They chatted more until the bell sounded then rushed back into their hosts

Kevin enjoyed the morning lessons and soon it was lunchtime

The cough squad met up again in the playground to hang out

Kevin said he was having fun and considering going full time

The gang said its best to start with first graders and work your way up

That way you get the benefit of a full education

Plus you get to hang out with cool cat coughs at break times

Lets go play ball on the field before the afternoon classes start

The coughs all ran over to the field for some ball game fun

Nobody other than coughs could see them, they are invisible to humans

The afternoon classes were less entertaining and Billy and Kevin got bored

They decided to play hide and seek running between the left and right lungs

Jumping around chasing each other and wrestling before they realized there was a problem

The boy was having trouble breathing and had collapsed on the floor

Sirens were blazing as first responders rushed into the classroom

Hey Kevin we gotta get out of here fast said Billy

If those medics find us in here we will be toast