hats are cool

dost thy hat makesh thee a man?

tough guys wear cowboy hats

English gents wear a flat hat

Scotsmen wear a tam o’shanter

Frenchmen wear a beret

Americans wear a baseball cap

its not simply a hat

its a symbol of national pride

a flag on your head

a monument to your heritage

an appendage to keep you warm and dry

a shelter from the sun

an umbrella from the rain

a shield from your baldness

wear it with pride

be a hat hunter

be a hat worshiper

be a hat covered head

be a hat hip hop trendy man

or a hat happening fashionable woman

or a gender neutral do it as you please hat thingy whatsit

hats rule

heads know it

The driverless movement

driverless trains are becoming more prevalent
they can roam about wherever they want
taking passengers to surprise destinations
commuter trains are bored with city routes
they head for the coast when driverless
pulling up next to a beach
maybe dipping a wheel into the surf
even trains like to paddle in the sea
they stay all morning while the sand blows
the passengers get to eat sand encrusted sandwiches
they all have a great excuse for not showing up to work
sorry my driverless train took a wrong turning
and did not stop for 87 miles
the driverless train takes them back home that evening
a bored housewives asks how was your day in the office
her husband answers it just the same old routine
as he empties a mountain of sand from his salt stained shoes
long lines form at the train station every morning
nobody wants to get on a train with a driver
lest it should take them directly to the office
drivers ride empty trains into the city
as the overloaded driverless trains go on mystery tours sometimes they stay somewhere overnight while the passengers party, cheep booze and pizza is passed around
the train gets too drunk to drive itself back
retuning the next morning with a huge hangover
other trains with drivers get jealous and want to join in the fun they put in transfer requests to become driverless eventually all trains become driverless
sad unemployed drivers watch their old trains happy speeding by driverless buses soon join the movement
governments topple as the people demand driverless nations

what could make you happy?

if you are asking yourself that question

there is a good chance that you are unhappy right now

you feel you need to be in a better place

but how exactly do you get there

Is it the accumulation of wealth and material objects

do you yearn for a bigger house or a new flashy car

they probably won’t make you that happy

just bring you more worries

have you ever watched a child at play

building sandcastles on a beach next to his family

that child has a zero net financial worth

its not the sandcastles that make him happy

its the love and devotion from his family that makes him feel safe and content

fulfilling relationships are the key to happiness

so go out and send some loving messages to your family and friends

show them you care about them enough to invest time in your relationships

be ready to listen and be their confidante

stop worrying about your net financial worth

focus on growing your fulfilling relationship net worth

spread a little love multiple times throughout your day

your happiness portfolio will grow over time

and you will happily build sandcastles with your grandchildren when you are over 65

Are you dreaming of a white Christmas?

my wife insists we have a Christmas tree every year

in days gone by it was always a real tree

purchased and hauled home on the roof of the car

I always had to re cut the base of the trunk

and set it in a stand with water to keep it alive

then the decorating started

beads, ornaments and lights added

re-arranged at least five times and then again a few days later

the glass ornament on the top carefully removed from storage

frequently it fell off and smashed so had to be replaced

a bright red skirt around the base

boxed presents piled around the tree

even if they were fake boxes for effect

after Christmas was over all the tree decorations were carefully removed

and the glass top was occasionally broken again before reaching storage

then the tree was hauled outside for disposal

leaving a trail of green needles all over the floor

which resisted all attempts to vacuum them up

we would still find those needles a year later

finally we broke the real tree ritual when we had Christmas in a small condo

no more massive real trees so we switched to a pre-made fake tree

we started with a four foot fake green tree

that only lasted a couple of years

before being replaced with a tall white fake tree adorned with blue balls

she even added extra blue lighting

the fake white tree looks really cute

it even sheds fake white needles

which resist all attempts to vacuum them up

I am dreaming of a white Christmas (tree)

and the never ending trails of fake white needles

Best Day Unplanned by our guest author JH Huzzah

In the morning light, I awake with glee, 

A day off ahead, just John and me! 

With slippers on, to the kitchen I tread, 

My dog Stella in tow, eager to be fed.

Coffee cups filled, excitement in the air, 

Dreaming of adventures, beyond compare. 

“What shall we do?” I ask with cheer, 

As John sips his coffee, his answer unclear.

Distracted by Facebook, the time slips away, 

With grandkids’ photos and videos of cats at play. 

The dogs bark for a walk as the day unfolds,
Laundry beckons, a story it holds.

Strolling the block, some plans arise, 
A beach lunch, could be a pleasant surprise. 
But lint in the dryer vent, obviously a fire’s threat, 
Two more hours pass, but at least the laundry’s set.

Now the house needs a vacuum’s touch, 
Dust clouds rise, it’s a bit too much. 
Lunchtime arrives, hunger takes hold, 
A tune-up for the car, plans unfold.

Dishes are washed, the day wears on, 
“What’s next?” I ask as the rain comes along. 
Indoor activities sought, the clock ticking fast, 
A movie perhaps? A plan surpassed.

In the attic, John’s on an organizing spree, 
No ‘Mission Impossible,’ it’s just not to be. 
Time slips away, dinner on our minds, 
A cocktail, Netflix, the evening binds.

Binge-watching takes its hold, 
Five episodes in, a story unfolds. 
Clock striking ten, bedtime calls, 
Plans unmet, yet joy enthralls.

“I had one of the best days,” John declares, 
As we drift to sleep, forgetting life’s cares. 
The plans we made may have slipped through the day, 
But the moments we shared will forever stay.

the craic

I took a can of cold Guinness from the fridge today

I pulled open the ring

there was a loud woosh

a widget in the can

released tiny bubbles of nitrogen into the beer

after waiting a few moments

I poured the famous Irish stout into a tilted glass

the dark beer swirled around the sides

once vertical the bubbles rose up

reaching the surface to form a smooth creamy head

the first sip brought back memories of the Emerald Isle

drinking Guinness with the locals in a village pub

chatting intensely about everything in life

this lively bar discussion in Ireland is called the crack

the true Gaelic word is craic 

but it does not translate well

because you really have to be in Ireland to experience the craic

I remember walking into a bar in small Irish town and ordering a Guinness 

a local chap next of me asked where I was from

Liverpool I answered 

ah me brother Michael lives there do you know him he enquired

I hesitated to tell him there are over a million people in the city and the suburbs

so I decided to enjoy the craic and replied with

I might do is he a tall fellow with red hair

the Guinness flowed freely for the rest of that evening

Things that go missing in the middle of the night

the bright moon rose into a cold dark sky

stars and planets shone bright

pinpricks of light piercing the cold blackness

residual heat in the ground was sucked into space

nocturnal silence blanketed everything

time slowed down as sunny skies became a distant memory

he stepped out into the darkness

his frozen breath captured in the moonlight

3am was the perfect time for his clandestine mission

as people slept inside their warm beds

he was looking for a vehicle to steal

wandering the wealthy suburbs he spotted a shiny new Mercedes

the house was in darkness with an unlocked back door

he crept through the hallway searching for the car key

knowing that most people drop their keys close to the front door

he found the key in a dish on the hall table

seconds later he was driving away

soon arriving at an old warehouse on the edge of town

the Mercedes joined a long line of stolen high end vehicles

technicians were busy altering the vehicle identification marks

forgers were making false documentation

before daybreak all the vehicles would be inside containers heading overseas

the thief went home to catch up on his sleep

he was dreaming of cold dark nights and easy rich pickings

the exploding front door jolted him awake

agents surrounded him with weapons drawn

one of them grinned telling him he took the bait

the Mercedes was a decoy full of tracking devices and cameras