Month: December 2023

Stay cheeky in 2024

Ian HunterLeave a comment

Here I am on December 31st 2023

Getting ready to welcome in a New Year

Reflecting back on the last 12 months

My cycling App just told me I covered over 2000 miles

Well short of my 5000 mile annual goal

My bum was in the saddle for over 140 hours

Other challenges in my life interrupted my cycling for a few months

I have forgiven myself for sacrificing some goals 

Smartphones are very useful tools

Creating slide shows and videos of this past year

Reminding me of all the places I visited

All the fun times I had with others

Its really difficult to pick out the best moment of the year

I had so many of them but here is a sample

They are not listed in any ranking order

Watching my grandson perform in a production of Oliver Twist

Spending quality time with my daughter and her family in England

Chilling with my son in Nashville TN

Witnessing my wife being inducted as a Rotarian 

Chatting with my sisters on WhatsApp

Visiting relatives or hosting them at our home

Cycling with my biking buddies

Holding my wife’s hand when we walk

Being in the company of good friends

Exploring new places with dear friends

Waking up every day next to my beautiful bride

The above list can be summed up in one sentence

Being with those I love dearly comes in first place

Owning stuff comes in a very distant second

The Cheeky Monkey hopes you all had a great 2023

Stay cheeky in 2024

MFGA

Ian HunterLeave a comment

a large flock of Canada geese flew over my house

formation flying like military jets

such gracious big airborne creatures

they filled me with awe for a brief moment

until one of them pooped all over my car

so I did some research on goose digestive systems

apparently they poop every 12 minutes

pooping out typically two pounds per day

a flock of fifty produces a hundred pounds of poop a day

worse still their poop is full of nasty bacteria and parasites

a real health hazard in an area where children play daily

these geese no longer look cute in the field next to my home

they are a federally protected species

however it is legal to harass them into leaving the area

I tried verbally abusing them but they ignored me

they did not respond to my eviction notices

I need to turn up the heat on these pests

I will shame them with long savage rambling tweets

I will give them names like Fat Bertha and Pooping Percy

I will invent stories about their corruption and criminal activities

I will incite people to rise up against these illegal immigrants

I will demand that the FBI arrest them and throw them in  jail

I will blame Canada for the problem

I will build a big tall wall on the Canadian border to stop them crossing

I will make the Canadians pay for it

Making the Field (next to my house) Great Again

dinner or no dinner

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the fisherman stalked the river bank

carrying his fly fishing gear 

it was a late summer afternoon

blue skies with fluffy clouds rolling along

he saw a trout rise the far bank

he stealthily stepped into the water

two false fast casts soon followed

his fly landed a few feet upstream of the rising trout

the fly drifted downstream with the current

he mended the bow in the line

his heart was racing

the trout did not rise to his imitation fly

Another perfect cast upstream of the fish

his heart raced faster

waiting for the fish to attack the fly

the fish did not react

time to change tactics he decided

reaching into his box of imitation flies

he observed the natural flies hatching on the water

and picked out the closest imitation

two false casts and a perfect presentation

he was sure the trout would attack this fly

his heart was beating faster than ever as the fly drifted to the spot

a big splash erupted and he pulled the line tight

the fish was on the hook and running

he held the bent rod up high to keep tension in the line 

the fish swam downstream but was well hooked

he knew this was big enough to serve for dinner

after twenty minutes the trout began to tire

he gently lifted the big fish from the water

they looked at each other knowingly for a brief moment

then the fishermen carefully released him back into the river

A thousand options

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he reached for the TV remote

the screen flicked into life

he started channel surfing

none of the thousand options appealed

he gave up on the TV

next he shouted to Alexa

play jazz on Spotify

a few minutes later he yelled Alexa STOP

he picked up his phone

checked his emails

he gave up deleting after five minutes

he opened a web browser

the news was all boring

nothing interesting in sports

he downloaded a book to read

deleted it after only reading two pages

he decided to go for a walk

as he stepped out the rain started

he ran back inside and waited

the rain got heavier so he gave up

he opened the fridge

throwing away outdated items

he decided to cook a meal with random ingredients

throwing it all away after the first bite

he ordered pizza to be delivered

it took ages to arrive

cold and tasteless he declared in disgust

the pizza was tossed into the trash

time for a nap he told himself

but he could not fall asleep

so he picked up the TV remote again

none of the thousand options appealed

If things are not going well for you

Ian HunterLeave a comment

turn the page

start afresh

turn over a new leaf

new beginnings

change course

reevaluate

recheck

think twice

rearrange

do a U turn

sing a different song

refashion

backtrack

do an about-face

change tack

readdress 

backpedal

backtrack

revisit

wipe the slate clean

new start

I want to be a dictator

Ian Hunter2 Comments

I am seriously considering becoming a dictator

Not the autocratic leader of a nation kind

Having my spoken words put directly into writing kind of dictator

That will eliminate the tedious task of typing

Which I have never been any good at

Despite being welded to a keyboard for many decades

I have never mastered multi finger key stokes

Hunting and pecking with just two fingers

Always the index finger on my left hand

But my right hand uses my middle finger

I have never noticed that until now

There must be an explanation for it

Even more weird is that I use the side of my middle finger

As my right index finger points towards the screen

Reminds me of a china cup afternoon tea drinker

With their pinky finger delicately pointing skyward

I hope that my middle finger keystroke is not deemed to be rude typing

If it is then my left hand pleads not guilty

My right hand will reluctantly go to jail in disgrace

Anyway back to being a dictator

It will be so much faster to use speech to text software

I will be able to focus on the screen as the words pop up

Unlike now where I look mostly at the keyboard

Occasionally looking up to see the numerous spelling errors

Mostly due to my fat right middle finger pressing the wrong key

Perhaps dictating is not the right way to go though

Much better to enjoy the silence of writing

Than listen to my own voice babbling on and on

I am sure it would annoy everybody in listening range

I am hoping that AI will invent a device to read minds

Then I could plug one in and point it to my shiny head

Watch my random thoughts appear on the screen in prose

Lets go one step further where everybody gets a thought reader

With an added adaptor for thought transmission

Then you will receive my daily writing directly into your head as a thought

You can even leave thought comments on a virtual Cheeky Monkey page

Which you never have to log onto because you will just think about it

No need to have a computer or keyboard at all in the future

AI will become so advanced that it will be able to predict my thoughts

My writing will continue well after I am dead thanks to AI taking over

It will be ever so easy to authenticate it as my writing 

You will spot the AI generated moddle fonger spelling mostakes

work work work work fishing work work fishing work fishing work fishing fishing work fishing fishing work fishing

Ian HunterLeave a comment

In the early days of my career

I was very ambitious and worked hard

Long hours and weekends were consumed

By my relentless drive to reach every working goal

As soon as I achieved a promotion

I set myself a new target for the next one

It was like running on a treadmill

That went faster and higher without a break

One day a good friend said he was concerned

That my work-life balance was all wrong

He said we were going on a fishing trip

To take my mind off work for one day

I thought it was a waste of time but agreed

We caught no fish the first day

Vowing to try again the following weekend

And so started a new passion outside my job

My fishing knowledge improved through focused learning

Progressing from pure leisure to competitions

Pitching my fishing skills against others

Winning lots of trophies and prizes

My performance at work also improved

I no longer worked weekends

Enjoying more time with my family

Fishing was my weekly stress relief

My work-life balance was restored

It took me a long time to realize

That fishing is a form of meditation

Clearing your mind of all random thoughts

As you focus on a single thing 

If you practice meditation you can find the answers  

To problems that had seemed unsolvable 

Retirement put an end to working goals

Replaced by goals for learning, lifestyle, family and friendships

I rarely go fishing now but I do find time to meditate daily

Namaste

The Cheeky Monkey Spirit of Christmas

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My earliest memories of Christmas Eve 

Are of intense excitement and anticipation

The magic of Santa delivering gifts

Singing carols around the Christmas tree

Huge family gatherings and merriment

In those days the spirit of Christmas was so real

Struggles and hardships were put on hold

Through the generosity of family friends and good neighbors

Nobody in our circle was left to feel cold or go hungry back then

I could never have imagined a Christmas like 2020

Having to forgo spending quality time with family members was really tough

It felt like somebody had taken away the Christmas spirit

Nobody wants to give or receive the gift of Covid-19 at Christmas

The virus lives on but thankfully we are no longer in lock-down

So step outside and spread some Christmas spirit

Just try not to spread any viruses

Merry Cheeky Monkey Christmas

Butterflies in your stomach – YNWA

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Can you remember getting butterflies in your stomach

At a time when you were anxious or excited or both

Perhaps on your wedding day

Just before going on stage to perform

At the start of an important exam

During a job interview

Responding to a 911 call

Or falling in love

Your body is programmed

To react to your emotions

Your brain triggers the release of hormones

Giving you a burst of extra energy

And rewarding you with the sensation of pleasure

I can remember getting butterflies on such occasions

But in my case I get them at least twice a week at fixed times

Certainly around 3pm GMT of Saturdays 

When Liverpool usually play in the English Premier League

Today they kick off at 5.30pm un the UK

That is 12.30pm Eastern time in the US

My butterflies have been building up for a few days now

They woke me up this morning

They will be swarming in my tummy at 12.29pm

Just before the game with rivals Arsenal

I know they will soon settle down

Each time Liverpool have possession

My butterflies are instantly forgotten 

When Liverpool score a goal

The joy is off the Richter scale

But the butterflies will be back today

Every time Arsenal gain possession

Its exhausting repeatedly launching butterflies inside you

Fortunately the game only lasts 90 minutes

I pray for a perfect result before and during every game

Liverpool 3-1 Butterflies

YNWA

from dreaming to biking

Ian HunterLeave a comment

Dreaming

Waking

Morning

Quiet 

Dawn

Birds

Singing

Flexing

Stretching

Reflecting

Anticipating

Planning

Meditating

Watching

Sunrise

Tea

Drinking

Thinking

Reading

Writing

Poem

Sending

Dressing

Pumping

Tires

Kissing

Wife

Smiling

Exiting

Pedaling

Riding

Feeling 

Wind

Biking