Birds (and Humans) of Maryland and Delaware

if I were a bird in Maryland and Delaware

I would watch the bird watchers

Make notes on their habits

Study their mating rituals

Record their voices

Stare at them for hours

Make notes on their appearance

Guide them to secret bird watcher locations

Fool all the bird watchers

Into thinking we do not see them

Report fake rare bird sightings

Send bird watchers on wild goose chases

With no birds to be seen

I will follow the bird watchers home

Build a bird hide in a nearby tree

Observe the humans from my hide

Note how they sit around most of the time

Watching mindless daytime TV

Checking their phones every five minutes

Swapping bird photos on social media

Eating processed foods

Drinking beer from cans

Ordering stuff from Amazon

While neglecting their chicks

I will gather all my notes

Sort through all my photos

Write a human watching book

The Humans of Maryland and Delaware

It will be a best seller

I will retire on the enormous birdseed proceeds

Move to a bird retirement home

Spend hours tracking my birdseed portfolio

While worrying about humans becoming extinct

Some days seem destined to be dull

Some days seem destined to be dull, others are full of surprises and spectacular events.

Friday started out quite dull, it was over 90F at 9am and super humid.

I spent most of the day on a routine doctor visit and running errands.

Nothing exciting on the agenda for this dull day.

I came home to tidy up the garden, at the end of the afternoon I saw that the sky was darkening to the West

Maybe we will have rain I thought, a welcome interruption to this dull oppressive heat.

I was putting stuff away from gardening when I saw an alert message on my phone.

Within minutes the sky turned an evil black and big raindrops dotted the driveway, not soaking rain but an aperitif.

The main course soon followed, a torrent of rain, delivered in winds of frightening intensity.

The trees were rocking, garden furniture was skidding about and anything light outside took off in the heavy gusts,

The bay erupted as heavy squalls dashed over the surface.

Hail appeared with a crashing sound on the windows and it was intense for at least 5 minutes. The hail was bouncing off the deck outside.

The ground turned white, rivers of rain flowed down the street.

Lightening flashes accompanied by deafening thunder told us the storm was directly overhead.

Our emotions were mixed, excited by the display but somewhat anxious for the potential damage from this immensely powerful reminder of nature’s strength.

After 30 minutes or so the rain and hail suddenly stopped.

The sun emerged from the parting clouds and the crazy wild wind thankfully subsided .

Nature declared it was time for dessert.

A huge rainbow suddenly appeared over the bay, we could almost touch the end of it from our back yard

The temperature had dropped 20 degrees causing the wet road surface to evaporate in clouds of moisture like a London Fog.

Fortunately we had no damage from the storm and we prepared dinner dinner in awe of what we had just witnessed.

Later we settled down to watch the bay as the clouds lit up in breathtaking colors at sunset.

The previously raging bay was calm now, reflecting the bright orange light from the clouds.

Perhaps the spectacular sunset display was nature’s way of saying sorry for the storm, please forgive me and accept this gift.

Another surprise gift followed at 4 am, Jupiter shining bright in a sky full of stars, Mars and Venus sitting proudly to her left.

Nature gave another gift at sunrise on Saturday with a bright orange ball rising up from the ocean.

The artwork in our home lit up into a flaming inferno.

Of course we forgave nature for unleashing that storm upon us and we graciously accepted all her beautiful gifts.

There shall be no more dull days for us because every day is a wondrous gift in life.

Lollipop laughter

Mother

Child

Walking

Shopping

Window

Candy

Child

Excited

Pleading

Purchase

Lollipop

Mother

Succumbs

Lollipop

Given

Smiles

Slurp

Lick

Suck

Sticky

Mess

Loose

Grip

Lollipop

Dropped

Floor

Dirty

Child

Cries

Uturn

More

Cries

Buy

Replacement

Child

Calmed

Vice

Grip

Slurp

Lick

Suck

No

Dropping

Slurp

Lick

Suck

Dribble

Sticky

Fingers

SlurP

Lick

Suck

Lollipop

Finished

Child

Excited

Sugar

High

Running

Around

Jumping

Laughing

Sticky

Fingers

Leaving

Marks

Calling

Card

Sticky

Mess

Everywhere

Mother

Wiping

Vowing

Never

Again

Child

Overexcited

Mother

Fatigued

Lollipop

Laughter

Full life

Light sunrise winds 

Full sails hoisted

She glides along

Slow steady pace

Dolphins swim by

Pelicans fly low

No crashing surf

Sea kissed beach

Life slows down

Time to reflect

Blend with nature

Hear your thoughts

Liten to them

Whisper back

The sailboat moves on

Gulf is deserted

Except for my thoughts

Who spread out all over the bay

Waiting to be engulfed by a wave

Thought killer waves

Waves crash in

Thoughts slain

Empty mind

Empty beach

Empty bay

Full Life!

Invasion of the “plants of another color” Part 5 Finale

The savage murder of the houseplants was a huge blow to our integration plans

I had to act fast to keep everything on track

I asked Cos to investigate who was responsible and find out what was known in the garden

He quickly reported that the garden had not been eavesdropping on our therapy sessions

They had no idea what we were planning to do

The fact that we were inside the house for so long had aroused suspicion

A terrorist squad from the plants of another color seized the opportunity to create fear and division

I assembled all the plants for a group discussion

Although grieving over the attack, we were all resolute on never giving in to terrorists

We decided to plant the firewall immediately, it would take a week or so to be fully effective

In the meantime, I set up a filtration camp in the potting shed

All plants would pass through there for processing

Those deemed to be radicalized would be kept in the potting shed for de-programming

The rest would be told of our integration plan and given a choice

They could either sign our integration pledge and live happily in the garden with all the other plants

Or they would be composted

Not surprisingly they all signed the pledge and I started to change the garden

The flower beds were no longer mulched or trimmed

I stopped cutting the lawn

After a few weeks, it all started to take shape

The firewall was working and keeping data from the terrorists outside

There were only a handful of diehard radicals locked up and guarded in the potting shed

Cos felt safe enough to leave the house and be planted outside again

Over time, a beautiful wild natural garden flourished

All the plants were respectful and helped each other grow

Everybody was happy and I enjoyed chatting with them outside every day

The bees were so grateful for all the flowers to visit, I got to know them so well

The butterflies came in droves adding more color to the garden

The birds were delirious to have places to eat, sleep and play

They started to disperse seeds and cuttings to other gardens nearby

Then out of the blue, I got an official letter from the Home Owners Association

Your flower beds and lawns do not conform to the bylaws

You are requested to mow the lawn and clear out all weeds from the flower beds

Failure to comply with the HOA rules for landscaping within 15 days will incur a fixed penalty fine

If you incur a fine and it’s not paid within 7 days, the Association will put a lien against your property

Please sign the enclosed acknowledgment form agreeing to conform to the bylaws

I tore up the letter, poured myself a beer, and hung out in the garden with my plant buddies

Invasion of the weeds- Part 4

I looked around the room to find who was talking

It was one of my houseplants

He was livid about me bringing a weed into the house

All weeds are evil he shouted

The rest of the houseplants downstairs joined in the rant

My little weed Caps started shouting back

I had to go downstairs and yell at them all to stop shouting

I said if anybody utters another word tonight they will be put in the potting shed for a month

I promised we would continue the discussion in the morning

After a good nights sleep I arranged all the houseplants and Caps in a circle on the lounge floor

I moderated this group therapy session for hours on end

It was obvious that weeds were despised and rejected by all but their own clan

It emerged that the plants in the garden also had active terrorists

They carried out retaliatory attacks on the weeds

This really is a deep rooted conflict

After weeks of daily therapy sessions we started to make progress

I had breakout groups work on specific tasks

Caps brought more of his friends in to even up the numbers

We did team building exercises to build trust between the two sides

The final session was a presentation given to me on how they proposed to end the conflict

Here is a summary of what they decided

The term “weed” is offensive and from now on shall be replaced by “plants of a different color

All the plants in the garden shall go through cultural training so that all can live together in harmony

A plant counter terrorism group will be established to protect the garden from attacks

A firewall will be created by planting specialist plants around the perimeter

These plants will connect to the mycelium and prevent any data transfer with terrorists plants outside

The garden will no longer have manicured flower beds or lawns

It will be planted as a natural garden and wild flowers will be encouraged to grow

An alliance will be established with the birds who will spread our seeds and cuttings to other gardens

The objective is to spread harmonious plant gardens all over the planet

I was well impressed with their work and congratulated them all

I suggested we repeat the presentation tomorrow morning in the garden

I was looking forward to the reaction of all the garden plants

We all slept well that night and planned to get up early the next day

I awoke around 4am to terrible screams

I ran downstairs to find two dead houseplants on the kitchen floor

They had been strangled by vines who had crept in through an open window

Invasion of the weeds – Part 3

My talking weed was gasping

I grabbed the stems of the vine

Cutting them with the pruning shears

The vine recoiled and my talking weed gasped for breath

You saved my life again he said

I shall forever be in your debt

I decided it was safer for him to be inside

Placing him on the coffee table and asking his name

My full name is Capsella bursa-pastoris

but you can call me Caps

For the next few hours I asked lots of questions of Caps

I learned a lot about the conflict between plants and weeds

It started with playground style pushing and shoving

But as the weeds were persecuted by humans it took a sinister turn

Radical weed groups were formed

They organized paramilitary insurgent cells

Set up training camps for weed commandoes

Hacking into the Mycelium which connects all organic matter underground

Its like the Internet for trees and plants

The radicalized weeds were able to detect where weeds were being eradicated

Then they sent in their troops to overrun these areas

more frightening were the terrorist weed cells

They were actually targeting weed eliminating gardeners

Poisoning them with natural herbal substances

Inducing heart attacks and strokes

Deaths of these gardeners appeared to be natural

Nobody had ever suspected that terrorist weeds were to blame

Caps had attended training camps but wanted to abandon their ways

He knew that they would forever hunt him down and kill him

But he was prepared to take that risk

I thought he was such a brave little weed

I told him we should talk more tomorrow

It was getting late so I gave him a sip of water

Then I headed off to bed

I could hear a strange voice in the bedroom

You are making a big mistake

This will end badly for us all

Invasion of the weeds- Part 2

Creeping weed

The weed in the middle started talking more

You have too get me out of here quickly, before the others kill me

His voice sounded strained like he was being choked

I used a trowel to dig him up

His roots were entangled with the other weeds

I gently freed his roots and planted him in a small pot 

After giving him some water, I took him to a shady part of the garden to rest

Once he recovered he started talking again

Thank you for saving me, the other weeds were strangling my roots

I asked him why they were trying to kill him

We are not supposed to talk to humans, only other plants

I told him I am fighting a battle to control weeds in my garden

He replied you are not the only ones fighting a battle

There is a long running war between the flowers and the weeds

It goes back to the time when humans started cultivating 

Before then, all plants lived together in harmony

Until some of us were designated to be weeds and shunned from gardens

The flowers became arrogant and tried to push us out of their beds

Then humans started to hunt us down and destroy us as well

We had to fight back to survive

I was fascinated and asked him to explain more

I need to rest again now, can you give me more water please

I brought him water and left him to do more gardening

The weeds seemed to have multiplied even more

Perhaps it was my imagination getting the better of me it seemed like the weeds were harder to pull out of the ground, as if their roots were resisting

I thought one of them swore at me as I pulled him from the flower beds

I must have left my talking weed for only half an hour

When I returned to him he was crying out for help

A creeping vine weed was wrapped around him

He was being strangled

Invasion of the weeds

Pulling up the invaders

We try to grow flowers, shrubs and herbs

But our flower beds are under constant attack

The bunnies and deer graze on everything growing

Fungus and mites step in to infest whats left

Then there are the weeds which seem to appear from nowhere

A bare patch of mulch turns into a weed farm overnight

I have a ritual to pull one hundred weeds daily

Every morning I go out and tour the flower beds

I pick the biggest weeds first

Some of them are two feet high

When my count goes beyond fifty

I am usually hunting for smaller weeds

The next day the big fellows are back again

And the little ones are just about everywhere

Does somebody sneak in and plant the big weeds overnight I wondered

Why are they left untouched by the grazing deer and bunnies

I decided to investigate further yesterday

Homing in on a bunch of tall weeds in the rose beds

OK guys you need to start talking and tell me who planted you

Otherwise you will be pulled up and thrown away

You will wither away on the compost heap, a slow lingering death

Tight lipped silence was their response

I pulled out the biggest and shook him hard 

Parading him in front of the others

Still no response so I reached to pull out another

OK I’ll talk said a weed in a high pitched voice.

………………….to be continued

What fuel do you put in your hope engine

The only two certainties in life are death and taxes

You might think this quote originated from humorist Mark Twain

You may believe it came from Benjamin Franklin in1789

However it has been traced to earlier origins

In 1716 Christopher Bullock wrote the Cobbler of Preston with the words

Tis impossible to be sure of any thing but Death and Taxes

So maybe the quote should be modified to say

The only three certainties in life are death, taxes

And the uncertainty of who first said this

Uncertainty is with us constantly

We never know for sure what will happen today

Or what tomorrow may bring

You may at any moment be bathed in bright light and happiness

Then plunged into darkness and despair in an instant

You could be jogging along on an aerobic high

Before tripping on uneven pavement and knock your teeth out

You may be struggling to make ends meet

Then suddenly learn of an unexpected inheritance

You may be battling a terrible long drawn out illness

To learn from your doctor that you have completely recovered

Light always precedes darkness

Darkness always follows light

The exact timing of your own change in brightness is uncertain

The only thing certain is uncertainty

Embrace the uncertainty in your life

Use it as fuel for your hope engine