Month: March 2022

Smart Phone Pinkie

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A few days ago I noticed a strange lump on my finger

On the inside of the first knuckle 

Of my right hand pinkie finger

I chose to ignore it hoping it would go away

But it started to annoy me

Then my imagination went into overdrive

Was it some kind of skin cancer

Or the first sign a very rare disease

Then I decided to consult Mr Google

To my surprise its a well documented condition

Callouses caused by holding an iPhone

And supporting the base with your pinkie finger

The slot at the base of the case causes irritation

Its been given the name “Smart Phone Pinkie”

No way I said to myself as I picked up my iPhone

Holding it in my right hand and sure enough

The callouses were rubbing against the slot in the case

Why just now I asked myself

I have been using my iPhone for years 

Without any kind of hand issues

I never considered myself an excessive smartphone user

Preferring the computer for anything requiring lots of keystrokes

Then I realized what had happened

I had just finished 10 days of Covid isolation

During which time I had no access to my computer

I had been using my iPhone exclusively for all my writing

The extra hand holding resulted in the pinkie finger callouses

There is probably a Facebook group for sufferers

Maybe a therapy support group

I found a much simpler solution

I now hold my phone in my left hand and type with my right hand

Next time you meet somebody new, check out their pinkie finger

Island Life

Ian Hunter1 Comment

I have always wanted to own an island

A special gathering place for my family

Somewhere to hang out with friends

Hopefully not too remote 

So I bought a small sturdy table

I put a granite counter top on it

Placed it in the kitchen

Now I have my own island

My sister bakes delicious cakes on my island

Its a great place to hang out at parties

Certainly not too remote

Proof that your dreams can come true

Never break the cycle

Ian Hunter1 Comment

William was walking down the beach with his father

Palm trees lined the edge of the shore

The boy picked up a fallen coconut 

What shall we do with it Dad he asked

I think you should bury it said his father

Then come back when the tree has grown

William dug a hole in the sand and planted the coconut

Remember where you put it said his father

William returned to that beach thirty years later

His own son by his side this time

William told his son the story of the coconut

His son was excited to look for the tree

Eventually they stopped and Willam said its here

There was a fallen coconut under the tree

His son picked it up asking his dad if they should plant it

Oh no John said his dad, we will take it home and eat it

I have been waiting a long time to taste it

Suddenly a barrage of coconuts fell down from the tree

One struck William on the head knocking him out

John ran all the way home clutching the coconut

He raised the alarm but his father was found dead

John watched the coffin being put in the ground

He joined the line of people throwing dirt in the hole

Then he paused and thew the coconut onto the coffin

Vowing to return in thirty years

Time flies when you are having fun but slows down when you are sad

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Instagram followers hide your lack of real friends

Texts with thumbs up and Facebook likes

Give the impression you are always happy

Saving you from actually speaking

Lest your voice becomes an unwitting informer

Dark sunglasses hide your sad eyes

You only take them off in the dark

A fake smile masks your depression

Your face aches from forcing it all day

Blacked out windows in your Cadillac

Prevent the world from seeing the real you inside

Your trophy wife paraded in public

She plays the part well when seen

Becoming cold as ice when alone with you

She talks to her friends all day

Never makes eye contact with you

You chose a childless relationship

Too risky having anybody that close to you

Expensive home and flashy toys

A thick wallet full of credit cards

Combine to hide your mounting debts

Long hours and grinding out results

Disguise your real dissatisfaction with your job

You stopped talking to your parents long ago

Tired of them asking what is wrong with you

You hang out with the boys every week

Mostly to be seen doing guy things

Watching sports and talking trash

Downing beers for an alcoholic buzz

Your sad thoughts briefly anesthetized

Laughing outwardly at all the stupid jokes

While crying uncontrollably inside

You wished it was all a bad dream

But its there every time you wake up

You pray for the day when it will all change

You wait for guidance of a new direction

You hope for the strength to adjust

You are constantly looking for the signal

Technical error, well more like human error

Ian Hunter3 Comments

Today’s poem went out yesterday in error

I meant to have it go out today but something went wrong

It would be silly to blame the computer because it just follows instructions given by a human ‘meat stick’ tapping on a keyboard

I feel sorry for the wind is the title

You can ignore this if you live in Europe because you actually got today’s poem today

For those of you living in Hawaii, you got both this notice and today’s poem yesterday

Which all goes to show that time is relative

We all live in the today but it is seen by others as their yesterday or tomorrow

Anyway, apologies if my ‘meat stick’ error caused you confusion or distress

I will send my ‘meat stick’ back to the classroom for retraining

Have a great day

Stay cheeky!

I feel sorry for the wind

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I feel sorry for the wind

he is truly homeless

always on the move

when he is not with you

he is blowing by elsewhere

invisible but forceful

sometimes light and gentle

damaging when in a rage

rain and snow are the gifts he brings

leaves rustle when he arrives

a still pond ripples in his presence

waves pound the beach at his command

when uncertain he gets gusty

why is the wind so unforgiving

if you do not move at his pace

and in the direction he chooses

he will push you around without mercy

adored by kite fliers

worshipped by yachtsmen

feared by cyclists

he is a sad lonely restless bad tempered old man

always hides his face but you can tell when he is there

constantly searching for the peace he will never find

perhaps he had a disturbed childhood

or a very bad relationship breakup

he refuses to go to therapy

I feel sorry for the wind

Discover your dreams, fears and hope

Ian HunterLeave a comment

Take one word from each group that starts with the same letter

Darkness

Despair

Disappointments

Depression

Light

Life

Luxury

Love

Pain

Paranoia

Perplexed

Petrified

Fun

Frolic

Frivolous

Friendly

Scandalous

Salacious

Selfish

Shameful

Happy

Hallowed

Handsome

Harmonious

Make a story about you with your six words

What does it tell you about your dreams, fears and hope?

My perfect mind medicine

Ian Hunter1 Comment

Calm waters on the bay

Soothing

Relaxing

My mirror to the sky

Paddle boarder

Gliding by

Floating ballerina

Stroking the water

She sends out ripples

My mirror is broken

Disrupting my peace

My second sky shimmers

Paddle boarder gone

If the bay can calm itself

I can calm myself

My mirror to the sky returns

Calm waters on the bay

Soothing

Relaxing

My perfect mind medicine

We forgave him

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The morning started bright and sunny

Before the light dimmed

Dark clouds drifted in

Banishing the sun from our sky

It started with a few small drops

Bigger drops appeared

Heralding a huge downpour

Jets of rain at 45 degrees

Power washing everything in sight

Water bouncing off the pavement

Bubbles floating in puddles

The grass became soaked

Water beading on every blade

The dry ground resisted draining

Water levels rose fast

The grass was soon submerged

Lashed by the heavy rain

Now the green bed of a lake

A pedestrian ran for cover

Others simply strolled along

Totally drenched

Defiantly stepping in puddles

Wet clothes clinging to their skin

Speeding cars threw up rooster tails

Cyclists gingerly pedaled along

Suddenly it stopped raining

Somebody up there found the stop valve

The ground sucked down the lake

Revealing the sodden green grass

Pedestrians strode on regardless

Pretending it never rained at all

Steam rose from the drying pavement

The sun came out again

Asking forgiveness

For his temporary disappearance

We forgave him

What does your lady drink?

Ian Hunter1 Comment

If you want it to stay purely platonic

Pour her a small Gin and Tonic

You will always have something to say

To a girl who drinks many pints of IPA

After you pour her third Malt Whisky

Things can get quite frisky

If she loves expensive Champagne with bubbles

It could just be the start of your financial troubles

She is guaranteed to be naughty but nice

If she sips Dirty Martinis with no ice

Sipping a Pimm’s and Lemonade by the pool

Is a sure sign that she is super cool

Stay clear of girls who down Malibu and Cokes

They will never laugh at your witty jokes

She said the fourth Vodka shot was the best she ever tasted

But after three more she will be totally wasted

A Margarita girl just wants to party all night

She will still be drinking when you turn out the light

Its probably best to just stay clear

Of those sassy ladies who only drink sangria

The Hard Seltzer drinking girls are always too thin

Spending all their spare time in the gym

Beware of women who drink nothing but Bloody Mary

If they get mad at you it can be ever so scary

When you meet a lady who adores fine Wine

She could well be your ever loving Valentine