I finally figured out why eating home made salad makes you thin

Its not just the fact that they are low in calories

Its the Herculean effort involved in making them

From shopping

Through chopping

Onto chomping

You burn more calories than you consume

Lets kick it up a notch

Leave the car at home

Jog to the supermarket

Skip the line of shopping carts

Carry a basket in each hand

Walk down every aisle ten times

Do not loiter near the prepared salad section

Buy whole vegetables

The bigger and dirtier the better

Walk back the long way with heavy bags 

Do bicep curls all the way home

Avoid the Covid capsule elevator

Haul those grocery bags up 14 flights of stairs

Put all 79 items in the fridge

For a few minutes

Then take them all out again

Spend hours scrubbing off all that dirt

Then scrub some more to be sure

Play loud rock music while you fast chop

Use every knife and cutting board you own

Make a huge mess in the kitchen

Dress that salad lightly

No more than five molecules of oil in the vinegar

Serve your salad with pride

Work those jaw muscles hard

Chew every mouthful 26 times

Cut out the dishwasher 

Clean everything by hand 

To be sure you missed nothing

Clean everything a second time

Dry the dishes by hand

Put everything away one piece at a time

Now mop the kitchen floor by hand

By now you should be exhausted

As you drift off to sleep

Try not to dream of fast food