Month: November 2021

Covidosity

Ian Hunter3 Comments

covid here 

covid there

wear a mask

everywhere

wash your hands

for twenty seconds

if you do not

then covid beckons

get the vaccine

both shot one and shot two

best get the booster

it will help you and others too

stay indoors

watch the news

no more travel

cancel that cruise

stay super safe and on high alert

if you let your guard down

you might get hurt

coronavirus is here to stay

waiting to infect you

on any random day

live your life freely

but be aware

we are all living

in a virus lair

the longer this goes

the more surprises it throws

variants emerge

headlines splurge

travel bans proclaimed

bat eaters blamed

its just a minuscule virus

desperate to get inside us

to perform its reproductive cycle

now that really takes the Michael

a viral orgy inside your body

open warfare with your antibody

once its had its wicked way

you might live a virus free day

unless it kills you

failed escape

Ian Hunter1 Comment

He closed the door

Not looking back

Walking briskly 

Well before dawn

Big strides

Cold night air

He was leaving his wife

While she slept

Without a goodbye

Or an explanation

Tired of arguing 

Too many fights

Time to escape

To a better life

He left his stuff

Tainted possessions

Relationship baggage

Too painful to carry

Drove away purposely

He was only ten minutes away

He felt liberated

Stopping to buy food

Reaching for his wallet

He could not find it

Remembering where he left it

He rushed back home

Tip-toed into the house

Avoiding the creaking steps

Stealthily into the bedroom

Picked up his wallet

Looked at his wife for one last time

She was still sleeping

She looked so peaceful

He felt remorse

Giving her one more chance

He undressed

Slipped back into bed

Fell asleep beside her

Dreaming of his next escape

She woke him with a kiss

He decided to stay

Maybe things would work out

She went to the bathroom

He was hoping for some snuggle time

But she came back seething

Complaining how untidy he was

Said he needed to clean up more

Accused him of being a lazy slob

Then they started arguing

He decided to leave tomorrow morning

Contrary observations

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the Andy Warhol teapot cozy

keeps tea famously hot for 15 minutes

then it goes cold

becomes unknown

the chocolate fire guard

will only protect your child

if there is no fire

light a fire and eat the fireguard

on cold nights

plug in the electric blanket

after a murderous day

plug in the electric chair

fall into a deep sleep

don’t forget to climb out of it

only catch your breath

if it escaped your custody

running an errand

is difficult while driving a car

hold on to that idea 

it might run away from you

don’t feel alone and miserable

they wont return your caresses

lift up your spirits

to your lips then drink

if something is on fire

you can put it out

did you put the cat out 

because it was on fire

if you can right

a sunken ship

can you wrong

a floating vessel

if you can be alone and afraid

at the same time

can you be yourself and someone else

simultaneously

If somebody affronts you

Just get your own back

If insults are being thrown

Don’t catch them

If you get a roasting

Try to stay cool

If you get into hot water

Don’t burn your bridges

If you live in a glass house

Get undressed in the dark

When somebody keeps you in the dark

How can you shed light on that

Phraseology

Ian Hunter2 Comments

a lonely sledgehammer was going nuts

the happy bunch of nuts were cracking up

a bird few into a hand

while two sat in the bush equating

a picture went up for auction

it sold for a thousand words

a woman was in need of a man

but she got a fish riding a bicycle instead

Yorick was poor

but Horatio knew him well

its only good to be alive

as long as you are kicking too

everything she has glitters

but she is without any gold at all

the doctor could never get there daily

because apples blocked his path

candy thieves never get fatigued

when stealing from babies

the drawing board looked up and said

oh you are back again

one day

her hair was bad

the dog was barking mad

because he was up in the wrong tree

if you lost your beauty

go find it in the eye of the beholder

who decided that a woman can only be considered great

if she is standing behind a great man

if you come across your bottom dollar

just bet on it

he kept putting butter in his mouth

but it never melted

the best place to start a charity

is at your home

I saw a bunch of children

but I could not hear them

Curiosity was jailed for murder

he killed a cat nine times

when you have the urge to grow something under your feet

make sure its not grass

I just ate a pie

it tasted like humble

if you have the right clothes

you can make a man

the salsa dancing sweeper

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Jerry always wanted to learn salsa dancing

for some reason he never got round to it

he mentioned it to a friend one day

then promptly forgot all about it

he listened to salsa music every day

great music for doing housework

the brush was his dance partner

Jerry was the salsa sweeping king

one day he was at home alone

listening to the salsa beat 

the doorbell rang

whoever could that be he thought

all of his friends were at the door

they brought in food and drinks

transformed his home into a dance studio

they brought a dance teacher for Jerry

Jerry followed her lead

he was finally doing a real salsa dance

it was the best day of his life

they all wished Jerry a happy 85th birthday

Computer whispers

Ian Hunter1 Comment

at night when everybody was asleep

the computers started chatting to each other

the laptop was visibly upset and worried

what’s up with you? asked the desktop

I know they are going to replace me soon

they spent all day yesterday surfing for a new laptop

the smartphones joined in

well they just spent a fortune buying us two

so maybe they cannot afford to replace you

the laptop was not convinced

the stores are offering interest free credit she said

I will soon be for sold off and broken up for parts

the laptop cried herself to sleep

there must be something we can do said the smartphones

nothing said the desktop, her operating system is too old

the manufacturer stopped upgrading her software

her programs have stopped automatic updates

she is going downhill fast, its just end of life care now

we have to call upon computer hospice services

they will remotely connect to her and comfort her

palliative care only from now on said the desktop

the smartphones were sad to be losing a good friend

computer hospice started filling the laptop hard drive with soothing images

the laptop stopped chatting with the other computers at night

she just slept peacefully, dreaming of happy images from her memory

a few weeks later, her hard drive crashed

the smartphones and desktop wept at the loss of their old friend

the next night a new laptop joined their conversation

she was super fast with a bright display and tons of disk space

she knew she was the bees knees and was arrogant and brash

when she saw the desktop she said oh look a vintage computer

do you still function or are are you just part of their antique collection?

the smartphones whispered to each other

things will never be the same

they concluded that the desktop’s days are numbered now

snowbird migration time

Ian Hunter1 Comment

I awoke from a dream about summer fun to feel cold air on my face

did we set the AC too low I wondered

then I realized it was not summer any more

deep into November and an icy blast was upon us

weather reports of wind chill warnings do not bring me joy

as I look out over the cold waters of the bay, my thoughts drift back to summer

did I really see dolphins jumping there a few months ago

are these really the same waters where we boat, fish and swim  

perhaps that was all a hibernation dream

maybe my body has been put into cryogenic suspension

will I ever wake up to see summer again

the sun is out now, bright blue skies are inviting me to step outside

I convince myself it cannot be that cold and open the door

I was so wrong, its like walking into a freezer

I take a few steps to the side of the house and I am in an arctic wind tunnel

millions of tiny ice daggers stab my face

my fingers are going numb as I rush back inside.

How can this waterfront home with poolside summer living be transformed into an arctic winter wasteland

who decided to cancel our mild winter

what happened to global warming

why is there ice on top of the pool cover

why am I stuck inside with no desire to walk on the beach or ride my bike

cabin fever morphs into igloo fever

single malts and warm cuddles with my bride keep me sane

put the gas fire on

baby it’s cold outside

we shall soon fly south for the winter

snowbird migration time

Riding the cycle of life

Ian Hunter1 Comment

in the last week we had some memorable events

seeing an eagle perched in the tree in our back yard

a super high tide bringing minor flooding

massive temperature swings with frosty mornings

spectacular sunrises over the bay

all of these are memorialized with photographs in my phone

smartphones often remind us of past events

by displaying an image from exactly one year ago

this week it happened four times

repetition in no way diminishes the impact 

the eagle appeared in the same tree exactly one year ago

all the others occurred this same week last year

the thrill of seeing an eagle is still intense

the beauty of a cold morning sunrise is a joy to behold

high tides remind us of the mighty power of the sea

cold snaps make us appreciate our inner warmth

as the earth makes it annual tour around the sun

the changing seasons generate cyclic events 

in some ways the predictability is comforting

as we pass by on our brief journey through time

keep riding the cycle of your life with eyes mind and heart wide open

Chicken soup and random smelly farts

Ian Hunter1 Comment

I walked into the kitchen this afternoon

to the unmistakable aroma of chicken soup

bringing back instant memories

of being ill and having comfort food

not that I wished to be ill again

I just missed that oh so yummy cooking smell

from the steamy chicken broth

and all those simmering vegetable

I want to eat that soup right now

but I must be teased a while longer

the whole house is filled with chicken soup smell

as the soup slowly simmers on the cooktop

I shall invent a house scenting device

with a small box fitted the AC air handler

containing concentrated cooking aromas

that can be released remotely

next time you want that fresh bread scent

no need to bake dough

just hit the app on your phone

your home will smell like a bakery

when you forget to buy her flowers

not a problem anymore

two clicks and the house is transformed

into an alpine meadow in bloom

when you watch the game on TV

fill the air with stadium hot dog and popcorn smell

with a hint of freshly mown grass

and a splash of spilled cheap beer

having guests for dinner will be simple

no need to prep and cook anymore

just have the food delivered

while the house is full of cooking smells

google will soon catch on

Alexa will release smells to your voice commands

wake up to the smell of bacon cooking

your teenage kids will trick you with the aroma of random smelly farts 

space dust

Ian Hunter1 Comment

They say we are all made from matter that was originally space dust

Dust particles gradually came together to form billions of stars and planets

Our own plant has a warming sun

With just the right combination of space dust

To enable life to evolve

Your own life started with a single sperm that that out swam 250 million other sperms

Its a miracle that life exists at all

Yet so many people never stop to think

How incredible it is to have a consciousness and an ability to create memories

There are 7 billion billion billion atoms that make up your body

Eventually they will all be recycled into space dust again

Before that happens

Try to enjoy the ride

Keep your own collection of space dust atoms in good health

Help make the lives of the space dust atom collections around you better

Enjoy your next meal of space dust

Sip on that delicious space dust beverage

Use those space dust atoms in your brain cells

To make space dust memories