Men like to shop fast  

Planning their attack 

Like a hunting expedition

Identifying the prey in advance 

A quick territorial raid

Then a swift kill before a rapid retreat

Women prefer to shop slowly

Making long lists in advance

But stopping to browse at everything

Picking things up to feel, smell and shake them

Often changing their minds

Buying groceries is akin to picking berries in a field

How long will a man stay calm

When shopping with his partner

Usually half an hour at most

Boredom is replaced by frustration

He will typically seek an escape

I’ll wait for you in the car honey

Most couples shop individually

Wives left to browse the aisles alone

Husbands at home shop on line

Thats the beauty of Amazon

Its available whenever a man wants

Watching football and killing a shirt at half time

The wife lugs bulging bags back home

While he watches the end of the game

She expects praise for her thrifty gatherings

Holding up each item with reverence

Look at this great shirt I got for you honey

He stabs his phone and secretly cancels the Amazon shirt