its 3.45am and my mind is racing

too early to get up

too hard to go back to sleep

nobody should be awake at this hour

except first responders and nurses

my eyes will not stay closed

I slowly get accustomed to the dark

normally my hearing is not that great

but the darkness amplifies all sounds

heartbeats are a welcome reminder that I am still living

my breathing sounds like a roaring wind

the clock ticks a slow jazz drummer rhythm 

now its too bright and too noisy for sleep

I creep downstairs and make tea

hot tea tastes good but my body is awake now

my mind has stopped racing, its just numb

I look outside at the dark night

blackness is the king of this hour

heavy cloud masks the moonlight and stars

my mind slowly empties of thoughts

allowing me to talk to myself

I question who I am

why am I me and not somebody else

who put me inside this body

where will I go after my body stops working

I do not have any answers for me

I decide to stop talking to myself

leaving space for my emotions to rush in

who wants to be first

Mr. Frustration perhaps or will Mr. Angry rush in

they both hang back surprisingly

Mr. Calm enters stage left and the spotlight is on him

I take a front row seat

he tells me everything is going to be fine

just wait a while and the dawn light will come

he smiles reassuringly and then exits stage right

the curtain comes down and it all goes black again

well that show was too short and not at all enlightening

nobody should be awake at this hour

except first responders and nurses

thankfully I do not need either of them right now

I decide to go back to bed